Dear Webby: Camera Deals 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  October 30, 2007

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance. --- Laurence J. Peter The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. --- Fran Lebowitz
Not satisfied with the results he got from his family doctor, a balding man sought out an alternative treatment for his hair loss. A friend referred him to a scientist who had been testing a chemical that showed great promise. Within a week after taking the recommended dosage, a heavy growth of hair appeared on the bald man's scalp. He was very happy at first, but soon became alarmed when hair began to grow uncontrollably all over his body. After two weeks, he returned to see the scientist. "What the hell did you give me?" he demanded. "It was DNA from a Woolly Mammoth." "Aha!" exclaimed the man. "That would explain the size of my balls!"
Three guys are fishing when Fred gets up to get a beer, loses his balance and falls out of the boat. Ed says " What should we do?" Bill says, "You better jump in after him, he's been under water for a while, he might need some help." So Ed jumps in, and after some time, he surfaces. He says, "Help me get him in the boat." They wrestle Fred back into the boat. Ed says, "What do we do now, it doesn't look like he's breathing." Bill says, "Give him mouth to mouth." Ed starts to blow air into Fred's mouth and says, "Whoa, I don't remember Fred having such bad breath." Bill says, "Come to think of it, I don't think Fred was wearing a snowmobile suit, either."

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A superintendent of a large, snooty apartment building got the ultimate revenge when he was called for the umpteenth time to fix a tenant's clogged toilet. Going to her apartment, where the female tenant happened to be giving a fancy dinner party for other tenants in the building, the super had to endure her telling all the assembled guests that he was a complete incompetent idiot. Furthermore, she got them all to go to the bathroom door to watch his clumsiness. He didn't say anything, but merely concentrated on fixing the toilet, while she kept on complaining about the bad service. So busy was she complaining, that no one noticed when the super reached quietly into his tool bag. A minute later, he held something up triumphantly and told her and the assembled guests, "I've found what was clogging your toilet!" All the guests broke into shocked laughter, and the woman turned a, bright beet red. The super was holding up a large yellow banana with a red condom wrapped around it. The woman never complained again.... Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dawn Nyberg, 32, of Blaine, Minnesota In a fix now! October 27, 2007 - Minneapolis, Minnesota - AP A former court clerk is in a fix. She's charged with fixing 73 of her own parking tickets to avoid paying $5,112 in fines and late fees. Dawn Nyberg, 32, of Blaine, was charged with theft by swindle of public funds, forgery, and misconduct by a public officer. The first two charges are felonies; the last is a misdemeanour. Hennepin County District Court Administrator Mark Thompson said he had not seen anything similar in his 13 years with the court. Nyberg's tickets were issued near the Hennepin County Government Center, averaging one every 10 days over two years. "The presumption is she was parking the car around here and coming into work," Assistant Hennepin County Attorney Tom Fabel said. The complaint alleges Nyberg used her access to a county computer system to expunge her citations or enter incorrect information about her vehicle. Most times, Nyberg used her personal login, but sometimes she used other employees' names, the complaint said. Nyberg paid no fines on any citations except the final two tickets, which she paid when she resigned June 25, 10 days after the trouble came to light. ... fixing_fix
Thanks to Roland for bringing back this classic:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Chuck Re: Camera deals Dear Webby, Thanks for all your great advice and jokes. I remember your suggestion to get a top of the line camera that's 1-2 years old for finding a quality camera at a good price. I'm trying to do that, but don't know where to start to find these old "top of the line" cameras. Can you tell me somewhere I can start looking. Any good suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Chuck Dear Chuck Try ... rshot/rd=1 Camera Deals Have FUN! DearWebby

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A very spiritual, devout and holy priest dies and is immediately swept up to heaven. St. Peter greets him at the Pearly Gates, and says, "Hello, Father, we've been waiting for you for a long time. Welcome to Heaven! You are very well known here, and as a special reward, because you are such a spiritual and holy man, we're going to grant you anything you wish even before we enter Heaven. What can I grant you?" "Well", the priest says, "I've always been a great admirer of the Virgin Mother. I've always wanted to ask her a question." St. Peter nods his head to one side, and lo and behold who should approach the priest but the Virgin Mary! The priest is beside himself, and he manages to say, "Mother, I have always been a great admirer of yours, and have studied everything I could about you and followed your life as best I could. I have studied every painting and portrait ever made of you, and I've noticed that you are always portrayed with a slightly sad look on your face. I have always, always wondered what it was that made you sad. Would you please tell me?" "Well", says Mother Mary, "to tell the truth, I was really hoping for a girl."

Deeli's Kudos October 29, 2007 - Chicago, Illinois - AP It was 1947 when newlyweds Larry and Mariam Orenstein honeymooned in Chicago, paying just under $10 a night for a room at The Palmer House. Six decades later, the couple stayed in the hotel's penthouse suite for the same price part of an offer for long-ago patrons. The Palmer House allows one-time guests who visited more than 50 years ago to stay at the historic hotel for the price of their original stay provided guests can submit an original receipt. The Orenstein's room goes for $1,600 today. The Milwaukee-area residents, both 81, saved their hotel bill, along with other items from their wedding. ''I feel wonderful,'' Larry Orenstein told the Chicago Sun-Times at the ornate, downtown hotel. ''I feel 2 years old.'' The long-running deal at the 136-year-old hotel has been offered to guests since 1925. But customers have taken advantage of the offer fewer than 10 times over the last 25 years, said hotel spokesman Ken Price. In the end, the Orensteins did not even have to pay the $10-a-night bill. As a gift, their 12-year-old grandson, Ze Orenstein, footed the bill. ... tay-10.htm

TRICK OR TREATING BY STAR SIGN Aries pushes the others aside to get to the door first. Taurus will only eat the finest of Swiss chocolates. Gemini goes around the neighbourhood once, changes costumes and goes around again. Cancer stays at home and gives candy to the other trick-or-treaters. Leos plan their costume for months, then won't go out because someone else had the same idea. Virgo wears a neatly-pressed suit and tells everyone they're a bookkeeper. Libra is still standing in front of the closet trying to decide on a costume. Scorpio isn't in it for the candy. Sagittarius will manage to wander to the next town. Capricorn makes a list of all the houses that give good candy and the optimal route to take. Aquarius builds the costume out of spare flashlights and spends all night tinkering when it shorts. Pisces skips the whole thing to compose poetry to the Moon.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Frugal Costume: TV Set Get large cardboard box and cut out the bottom for your legs and three holes for your arms and head. Paint the box to look like a television set. You can cut out a picture from a movie poster to put where the screen should be. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

One Halloween this woman opens her door to find the most adorable little girl, with golden blond curly hair and the biggest blue eyes. She was dressed as an Angel, and was just delightful. The woman asked, "What are you supposed to say sweetheart?" The little girl looks up at the woman and says "Twick or Tweat!" The woman thinks this is just adorable, and she calls her husband to come to the door. The woman say to the child, "Go ahead honey say it just one more time." Once again the little Angel looks up and says, "Twick or Tweat!" The husband agrees with his wife, this little Angel is just the cutest thing. The woman picks an apple from the Treat Bowl, shines it up with her apron, and drops it into the little girl's Treat Bag. The little Angel looks in her bag then looks up at the woman and says, "Thanks a lot lady, you just bwoke my goddang cookies!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Ghost research pictures
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Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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