Dear Webby: Rex X in forwards 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  October 31, 2007
Happy Halloween!

A man's silence is wonderful to listen to. --- Thomas Hardy The more you find out about the world, the more opportunities there are to laugh at it. --- Bill Nye
A little boy and girl go trick or treating. They knock on the door of this house and the man who answers it says, "Well, you two are awful cute. Who are you supposed to be?" "We're Jack and Jill" she replied. The man says, "You can't be Jack and Jill, you're black!" So, they go off and a while later they come back dressed differently. They ring the doorbell and once again and the man opens the door. "Well now, that is just darn cute. Who are you this time?" "We're Hansel and Gretel" says the little boy. "Well, I hate to disappoint you son, but you can't be Hansel and Gretel because you're black!" Heads hung low, they leave. Not too much later the man hears the bell ring again. This time when he opens the door there stand the two children but this time they are BUCK NAKED. "Oh my! And just who are you supposed to be now?!" he asks. "We're M & M's, " said the little girl. "I'm plain. He got nuts"
Thanks to great Granny Vi for this story: Elsie the Cow and Ferdinand the Bull were on either side of a fence. Elsie the Cow gave him a wink and he leaped over the fence to her side. "Aren't you Ferdinand the Bull?" she asked. "Just call me Ferdinand. The fence was a lot higher than I thought."

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Reisha heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point. Reisha came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?" Reisha said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath." The milkman asked," Pasteurized?" Reisha said, "No. Just up to my breasts." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a drunk in Hamburg, Germany Fake Victim October 29, 2007 - Hamburg, Germany - Ananova A man who fell asleep on a train after a Halloween fancy dress party prompted a police investigation in Germany. Joerg Reichter, 24, had gone to the party dressed as a murder victim and had painted fake blood over his face and hands. But he passed out on the train back home after the boozy party in Hamburg and worried passengers called the police. A police spokesman said: "His costume made him look like the victim of a serious assault as he appeared to be bleeding from the face and hands, and worried passengers called us up. "But when they got there our officers realised what had happened and woke him up. They got him to take the fake blood and wounds off so there would be no more misunderstandings."

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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Wayne Re: Red X Dear Webby, This is a tech question. My sister quite often sends me very interesting attachments with pictures that I cannot open. They all have the small white box with a red X in it. I've attached the last e-mail she sent as an example. It the problem on her end when sending it or on my end when opening it? I'm assuming it is on her in since I have no trouble opening and viewing attachments and pictures from anyone else. Thanks for your help. Dear Wayne Most likely your sister is handicapping herself with Outlook Depressed. I don't have a clue about that program. Suggest to her to write to the Express Empress at Have FUN! DearWebby

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An 80 year old man who was an avid golfer moved to a new town and joined the local Country Club. A man in his forties said he would play with him and would even give him a 12 stroke handicap. The 80 year old said, "Thanks, but I really don't need a handicap. The only real problem I have is getting out of sand traps." And he did play well. Coming onto the 18th the two men were within two strokes of each other. Then it happened. The old man had a long drive, but it landed in one of the sand traps around the hole. Grumbling as he stepped into the sand trap, he then hit a very high ball which landed on the green and rolled into the hole. The younger man was impressed and puzzled. "Nice shot but I thought you said you have a problem getting out of sand traps?" Replied the old man, "I do! Please give me a hand."

Deeli's Kudos October 29, 2007 - Chester, UK - Ananova A golfer who took part in a charity game with three clubs ended up getting two holes-in-one. Amateur golfer Phil Walker had only two irons and a putter but got his first hole-in-one at the sixth hole. His friends were gobsmacked when he got a second hole-in-one at the 17th at Mollington Golf Club, Chester. Phil, 52, told the Daily Mirror: "You wait all your life for a hole-in-one, then two come along all at once. "Usually, I end up in the water on the 17th, so just to hit the green would have done me - but to hole it!"

Mr. Jones patted his daughter's hand fondly, and told her, "Your young man told me today he wanted you as a bride, and I gave my consent." "Oh, Papa," gushed the daughter, "it's going to be so hard leaving mother." "I understand perfectly, my dear," beamed Mr. Jones. "You just take her with you."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Washing a Mattress Mix 1/2 teaspoon liquid dishwashing detergent with 1 quart of water and use it to scrub the mattress. Use as little water as possible to avoid mildew problems. Let the mattress dry thoroughly before putting the sheets back on the mattress. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

Sam is over at Anni's house after meeting her parents for the very first time. While at the supper table he figured it was a good time to get on the right side of his future mother-in-law. Sam turned to Anni's mother and remarked, "These are excellent fishcakes." Anni pulled Sam close to her and whispered in his ear, "You should go and wash your hands, those are peanut butter cookies!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Hugh McMahon Funkins
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Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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