Dear Webby: Windows slowing down 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  Nov 6, 2007

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. --- Fred Allen Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago. --- Bernard Berenson
After the holidays ended, the teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holidays. One small boy wrote the following: We always used to spend holidays with Grandpa and Grandma. They used to live here in a big brick home, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They all live in little tin boxes. They ride on three-wheeled tricycles and they all wear name tags because they don't know who they are. They go to a big building called a Wrecked Hall, but if it was wrecked, they got it fixed because it is all right now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very good. There is a swimming pool there. They go in it and just stand there with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim. As you go into their park, there is a doll house with a little man sitting in it. He watches all day so they can't get out without him seeing them. When they can sneak out, they go to the beach and pick up shells that they think are dollars. My grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody cooks, they just eat out. They eat the same thing every night - Early Birds. Some of the people are so retarded they don't know how to cook at all, so my Grandma and Grandpa bring food into the Wrecked Hall and they call it, "Pot Luck". My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life and earned his retardment. I wish they would move back up here, but I guess the little man in the doll house won't let them.
A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry. During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's toilet, one of the boys came out and told her that he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, the teacher went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits, one by one. As she lifted one up by the armpits, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well-endowed for an elementary school child. "I guess you must be in the fifth," she said. "No ma'am," he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift anyhow."

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Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at four forty four a.m. by his ringing telephone. . . "Your dog's barking, and it's keeping me awake," said an angry voice. Bernard thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up. The next morning at precisely four forty four a.m., Bernard called his neighbor back . . . "Good morning, Mr. Williams.... Just called to say that I don't *have* a dog." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Karen Raborn of Altamonte Springs, Florida Stealing from the poor box November 2, 2007 - Altamonte Springs, Florida - AP Altamonte Springs police said a woman accused of stealing from her church took most of the money from the Sunday offering plate. Investigators said Karen Raborn worked as a bookkeeper at St. Mary Magdalen Catholic Church in Altamonte Springs for eleven years. According to a newly updated police report, Raborn first drew suspicion while working at the church's annual fall festival in 2006. She was in charge of counting the money and more than $19,000 disappeared. "We hope for resolution and justice and we know if justice is not delivered here, it will be later," said Robin Johnson, a parishioner. The police report said Raborn admitted to stealing some of the money. She faces up to 30 years in prison if she's convicted.
Thanks to Cookie for this picture Ice Curls
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Denise Re: Computer slowing down Dear Webby My computer slows down whenever I have 3-4 Windows open. I used to be able to have a dozen of then open without a problem. If i don't reboot it when it slows down, it stalls and hangs and I have to shut it off the hard way. I don't think it is infected, since I use Spybot and McAfee. What's the prescribed fix? Denise Dear Denise There seems to be a lot of that going around. Luckily there is an easy remedy. Get CrapCleaner from my tool box at and run it. It is free, and it will make a huge difference. It has helped everybody to whom I recommended it. Have FUN! DearWebby

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Little Johnny's father was a pastor in a small church. One day, his father told Little Johnny that a very important bishop was coming and that he would be staying with them. Little Johnny became very excited and asked his father if he would get to meet him. His father thought about this and decided that he would let Little Johnny bring the bishop tea in the morning and wake him up. Little Johnny agreed to do this and was very excited. His father gave him instructions: first, knock on the door of the bishops room and then say to him "It's the boy, my Lord, it's time to get up." Little Johnny was very excited and rehearsed his lines repeating them over and over. Finally the day came and Little Johnny had learned all his lines. He went to the door and knocked. He was so excited and nervous though that his lines got mixed up and the boy said, "It's the Lord, my boy, and your time is up!"

Deeli's Kudos November 5, 2007 - Odebolt, Iowa - AP Jake Wulf wants to keep the lid on it. The 9-year-old boy flushed out a plan for a foot-activated toilet seat lifter that is called the ''Privy Prop,'' designed to lower and raise the toilet seat. While her son, who is in the school's Talented and Gifted program, manages assignments with ease, he has one weak spot: remembering to lower the seat after he's done, Beth Wulf said. ''My mom was getting mad at me for forgetting to put the toilet seat down and she was falling in,'' said Jake, a fourth-grader at Odebolt-Arthur Elementary School. It was during a visit to a doctor's office that Jake's idea for the ''Privy Prop'' began to take shape. He noticed the lid to a small trash can, which opened and closed with a foot-powered lever. He went home and told his parents that he wanted to design a similar device for the toilet. He made it for the school's Invention Convention with the help of his dad, Jason, who designs equipment for a living. It was selected by judges at the Invention Convention to advance to the regional contest in Pochahontas, where it was chosen to be displayed at the Iowa State Fair this past summer. ... ps-lid.htm

Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team's response times. "Since we installed our new satellite navigation system," bragged the first one, "we cut our emergency response time by ten percent." The other paramedics nodded in approval. "Not bad," the second paramedic commented. "But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we've cut our average ERT by 20 percent." Again, the other team members gave their congratulations, until the third paramedic said, "That's nothing! Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we've cut our emergency response time in half!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Cold Weather Bed Tip During cold weather, I put the fitted sheet on as usual then I put a blanket on and tuck it in. Another blanket goes on top of that one and then I proceed with the flat sheet and as many other blankets and quilts as we need. No need for an electric blanket! Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, shouting, "Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!" "That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy. "Come in the living room and tell me about it." "Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math, and 20 in science."

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Thanks to Doug for today's Bonus Link: Find your animal totem
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Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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