Dear Webby: Forward / Back buttons in the status line 


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Good Morning, ! Friday, Nov 16, 2007 Wear something red today to show your support for the troops!
All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others. --- George Orwell Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them. --- Leo Tolstoy
To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard. If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy. If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing. Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather. Sincerely, The CAT
RULES OF THE OFFICE ** If it rings, put it on hold; ** If it clanks, call the repairman; ** If it whistles, ignore it; ** If it's a friend, take a break; ** If it's the boss, look busy; ** If it talks, take notes; ** If it's handwritten, type it; ** If it's typed, copy it; ** If it's copied, file it; ** If it's Friday, forget it!

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Sunday School Bloopers: Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah. Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father. The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. Moses died before he ever reached the UK. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, has 300 wives and 700 porcupines. When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus- in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an emaculate contraption. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robert Stewart of Ayr, Scotland Sex with bicycle A MAN caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years' probation. Robert Stewart, 51, was caught in the act by two cleaners who walked into his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr. http://snipurl.com/1tqb1

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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bobbi Re: Forward and Back via bottom Status line Dear Webby I have IE6 on my computer. There were forward and back arrows at the bottom of each e-mail message that you could use to go to the next message, or back. Now they have suddenly disappeared. I have to go to the top of each message after reading it to use the arrow up there to go on to the next message. So far, IE help has been no help, telling me that this feature is cuurently not available. it was there 4 days ago. What gives? Thanks, Bobbi Dear Bobbi That must be a Hotmail feature, not a browser feature. I have never seen it on IE6. Check in the Hotmail preferences. Have FUN! DearWebby

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Mrs. Morris Siegel beckoned to a salesman in Bergdorf Goodman's, pointed to white wool designer dress on a mannequin, and said, "Hey Sonny boy, so how much the dress on that store dummy over there is?" "That dress is $899.95, Madam," sneered the rather snooty salesman. "Oy! For $99.95 I could get the same dress at Klein's Bargain Store downtown!" "But Madam," said the salesman, "You'll find that the dress at Klein's is recycled wool. This original is 100% pure virgin wool." "Nu! So for $800 I should be caring what the sheep at night do?"

Deeli's Kudos November 15, 2007 - Islip, New York - AP GPS tracking devices installed on government-issue vehicles are helping communities around the country reduce waste and abuse, in part by catching employees shopping, working out at the gym or otherwise loafing while on the clock. The use of GPS has led to firings, stoking complaints from employees and unions that the devices are intrusive, Big Brother technology. But city officials say that monitoring employees' movements has deterred abuses, saving the taxpayers money in gasoline and lost productivity. ''We can't have public resources being used on private activities. That's Management 101,'' Phil Nolan, supervisor of the Long Island town of Islip. Islip saved nearly 14,000 gallons of gas over a three-month period from the previous year after GPS devices were installed. Nolan said that shows that employees know they are being watched and are no longer using Islip's 614 official vehicles for personal business. In Denver, 76 vehicles equipped with GPS this year were driven 5,000 fewer miles than the unequipped fleet had during the same period the year before. Denver plans to outfit police cars, snowplows and trash trucks with GPS soon. http://www.happynews.com/news/11152007/ ... f-offs.htm

Two contafiters way up nort in Chicargo wuz makin sum contafit money an dey accidently made sum twelve dollar bill by mistake. Dey made a whole bunch of dem before dey foun dere mistake, so insted of startin over dey decide to try to pass dem off. Dey always herd how backward people in Louisiana wuz, especially dem folks name Boudreaux frum down neer Lafayette so dey jumpin dere car an drive down to Lafayette, LA an wen dey got dere dey look in da fone book an shore enuf dey fine Boudreaux's General Store an Mercantile listed rite dere in da yeller pages. Dey went to Boudreaux's store an walk up to da man at da counter. Da firs contafiter say, "Are you Mr. Boudreaux?" Boudreaux say, "Mais shore, dat's me. Wat can Ah do fa you fellers?" Da contafiter wisper to his frien, "This is gonna be easier than I thought." Da contafiter say, "Can you give us change for a twelve dollar bill?" Boudreaux say, "Mais shore Ah can! How you want dat, tree fores, fore trees, or 2 sixes?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at eleven1T1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Less Wrinkles: Hang Dresses and Suits Quickly Hang your jacket up when you get home to reduce wrinkles. The heat from your body helps ease the wrinkles out of the garment as it hangs. The same goes for dresses. Also make sure clothing is not packed too tightly in the closet, or they will develop wrinkles in the closet. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention, so he asked one of his employees to write him a punchy, 20-minute speech. When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious. "What's the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?" he demanded to know. "Half the audience walked out before I finished." The employee was baffled. "I wrote you a 20-minute speech," he replied. "I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for...."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Amusing Animals
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Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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