Dear Webby: Invisible mail 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  Dec 3, 2007

Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person? --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. --- Johnny Carson
Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, 'If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!' It worked."
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The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely quiet. She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen anything like it before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why are you so well-behaved and quiet?" Finally, after much urging, a little girl said, "Well, one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you would drop dead!!"

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There was a large revival meeting on the outskirts of town, and at the appropriate corner there was a large sign proclaiming...."If you are weary of sin and want to be saved, turn here, go 100 yards, and come into the revival tent." Below the sign someone had hung another smaller one...."If NOT weary, call Sherry 555-3550." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 25 year old Tacoma, Washington man Fake Cop November 30, 2007 - Pierce County, Washington - Post Intelligencer For the third time in less than a month, Washington State Patrol troopers have arrested someone impersonating a law enforcement officer. Thursday, drivers began calling 911 just before 4:30 p.m. when a man in a Ford Mustang was seen flashing blue emergency lights in an effort to push through traffic in the northbound lanes of Interstate 5 in Pierce County. Troopers stopped the Mustang and found blue lights mounted on the grill and around the rear bumper. The driver also had a speaker near the front of the car that emitted sounds much like a police siren. The driver, a 25-year-old Tacoma man, allegedly told troopers that the lights and siren were just for show. Troopers arrested him for impersonating a police officer and booked him into the Pierce County Jail. Blue lights mounted in vehicles are legal for law enforcement only, the State Patrol reported. In early November, troopers arrested two other Pierce County men, in separate cases, for impersonating police officers. One man was in a 1993 Ford Crown Victoria, with spotlight and push bars, when he tried to get traffic on Interstate 5 to move out of his way. ... cop01.html
Thanks to Lillemor for sending the picture of this year's Christmas Goat in Stockholm, Sweden
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Joan-Mary Re: Letter not showing Dear Webby The Humor Letter is came through as a blank and only when I hit reply to advise this, did I get to see the column. Respectfully, Joan-Mary Dear Joan-Mary It did arrive and download OK, otherwise hitting Reply later would not have made a difference. Check the settings in your email program. Have FUN! DearWebby

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How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue... and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go? ------------- your hips!

Deeli's Kudos Thanks to Roland for sending this: Readers may be interested to know that these wreaths -- some 5,000 -- are donated by the Worcester Wreath Co. of Harrington, Maine. The owner, Merrill Worcester, not only provides the wreaths, but covers the trucking expense as well. He's done this since 1992. A wonderful guy. Also, most years, groups of Maine school kids combine an educational trip to DC with this event to help out. Making this even more remarkable is the fact that Harrington is in one the poorest parts of the state of Maine

Here is a list of some of the dumbest questions asked by tourists at Alberta's Banff National Park. Yes, they are all allegedly true, as heard at the information kiosks manned by Parks Canada staff. [with my comment in brackets] 1. How do the elk know they're supposed to cross at the "Elk Crossing" signs? [They just do] 2. At what elevation does an elk become a moose? [6 feet] 3. Tourist: "How do you pronounce 'Elk'?" Park information staff: "Elk." Tourist: "Oh." [Actually it is pronounced "Elk!] 4. Are the bears with collars tame? [Yes...take one home they make lovely pets!] 5. Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose? [Just before they eat you!] 6. Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent? [Your sleeping bag or underwear is a much better place for it!] 7. Where can I find Alpine Flamingoes? [Just to the left there... see them?] 8. I saw an animal on the way to Banff today. Could you tell me what it was? [Yes] 9. Are there birds in Canada? [Are there brains in your head?] 10. Did I miss the turnoff for Canada? [Hopefully!] 11. Where does Alberta end and Canada begin? [Right there!] 12. Do you have a map of the State of Jasper? [You are with a travel group right? I would hate for you to get lost in our fine country!] 13. Is this the part of Canada that speaks French, or is that Saskatchewan? [no that would be Quebec!] 14. If I go to BC, do I have to go through Ontario? [Only if you are on a round-the-world tour!] 15. Which is the way to the Columbia Rice Fields? [Try China!] 16. How far is Banff from Canada? [Very far!] 17. What's the best way to see Canada in a day? [Space Shuttle!] 18. Do they search you at the BC border? [If you ask them nicely!] 19. When we enter BC, do we have to convert our money to British pounds? [They are using the Yen now!] 20. Where can I buy a raccoon hat? All Canadians own one, don't they? [Sure do...and we all own red "mountie" suits too!] 21. Are there phones in Banff? [ is Canada's only official phone-free location!] 22. So it's eight kilometres away. Is that in miles? [ fathoms!] 23. We're on the decibel system you know. [ convert a 69 for me!] 24. Where can I get my husband really, REALLY, lost? [Spread your legs!] 25. Is that two kilometres by foot or by car? [Yes!] 26. Don't you Canadians know anything? [Oh out for that tree!] 27. Where do you put the animals at night? [In your car!] 28. Tourist: "How do you get your lakes so blue?" Park staff: "We take the water out in the winter and paint the bottom." Tourist: "Oh." [And we paint the trees green too!] And then there is the mating call of the bluehaired Winnebegans: "An juss haw much es that en reel mohney?" [Just double it and round it down. That's close enough.]

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Wrapping Gifts for Children Every Christmas, I would wrap each child's gifts in one kind of paper without names. On Christmas Eve, they would guess which one was theirs. It made my job faster, easier and less expensive without the tags. I didn't even put bows on. They didn't mind at all. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

As a young married couple, a husband and a wife lived in a cheap housing complex near the base where he was working. Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone. She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her neighbor. "Give this to your husband," he said thrusting a roll of toilet paper into her hands. "He's been yelling for it for 15 minutes!"

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Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Big Spanish Castle
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Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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