Dear Webby: How to get rid of nagging balloons? 

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Good Morning, ! Saturday, Dec 8, 2007
Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night. --- Edgar Allan Poe
A man had a ticket for the theater but when he was seated by the usher, he found that he was too far from the stage. He whispered to the usher, "This is a mystery play, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip." The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter. The usher looks at the quarter, frowns at him, then leans over and whispers, "The wife did it".
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A sweet 6 year-old girl is sitting on Santa's Lap in a department store. Santa asks the young child "....and what do you want for Christmas?" The sweet thing looks into Santa's eyes, and says with disgust, "Hey, didn't you get my E-mail?"

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An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman. "Is there something in particular I can show you?" he asked. "Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa." "You mean a sectional sofa," he suggested. "Sectional schmectional," she said shrugging. "All I want is an occasional piece in the living room!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the jailguards in Casablanca, Morocco Grinches December 7, 2007 - Morocco - AFP Thanks to Trish for this submission A Moroccan jailed for terrorism offences smuggled a woman into his prison cell in a large plastic bag and spent six hours with her there before being caught, media reports said. The young woman came to see the prisoner and he smuggled her from the visiting room into his cell in a bag that he persuaded guards contained clothes, according to Assabah newspaper. The prisoner was subsequently transferred to another jail in Casablanca. An official from the Ain Borja prison confirmed "the discovery by guards of a woman inside the prison" but said the media reports contained "inaccuracies". He told AFP in particular that she was only in the prisoner's cell for an hour. ... 112089.asp ------------ it only seemed like 6 hours to her...
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Debbie Re: Nagging Balloons Dear Webby, Like everyone else I love your Humor letter and all that comes with it. I may have missed something and I'm hoping you can help me. What kind of problems are people having with IE7? A balloon keeps popping up telling me it's time to upgrade to IE7 but I'm very happy with my IE6. How can I stop the balloon from popping up in my task bar? As always, thank you sooooooooooooo much! Debbie Dear Debbie Try downloading that IE7 Blocker from I have done that about a year ago, and have never seen any nagger balloons. If that fails, try this rigmarole: Right-click on the Start button at lower left of Desktop, click Properties Click the Taskbar tab Click the Customize button See "Customize Notifications" window See Current Items/Past Items/Behavior Click on any item in the list and a drop-down menu box that appears next to the item Choose from Hide when Inactive/Always hide/Always show Click OK when done Have FUN! DearWebby

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John had been playing golf for years, and he had the finest equipment, but his technique never improved a bit. As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a brand-new ball into the woods. On the second hole, he drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of the woods. "Why don't you use an old ball?" his friend asked. "I've never had an old ball," he said.

Deeli's Kudos December 3, 2007 - Jackson, Mississippi - AP Donnie Register has a new reason to be thankful he's married. Police say his wedding band deflected a bullet and probably saved his life. Two men walked into Register's shop at The Antique Market on Saturday and asked to see a coin collection, police Sgt. Jeffery Scott said. When Register retrieved the collection, one of the men pulled a gun and demanded money. A shot was fired as Register threw up his left hand, and his wedding deflected the bullet, police said. ''The bullet managed to go through two of his fingers without severing the bone,'' said his wife, Darlene Register. ''A part of the bullet broke off and is in his middle finger. The other part is in his neck, lodged in the muscle tissue. But it's not life-threatening.'' Police were searching for the robbers, who Scott said ''stole a substantial amount of cash." ... d-life.htm

This joke is maybe not as squeaky clean as some of you prefer, but it is too good to not share it with you. So, if you blush easily, skip this one. A Chinese couple while working in a Chinese restaurant, fall in love and get married - and she's a virgin. On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring: "My darling, I know dis you firs time and you bery frighten. I promise you, I give you anyting you wann, I do anyting you wann.... What you wann?" "I wann have numma 69" she replies. He looks at her very puzzled and says, "You wann . . . . . . Beef with Bloccoli?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Make Your Own Logs If you have a wood burning stove and receive the daily paper, you can make your own newspaper logs. Lay newspapers flat and roll it into 3 inch diameter logs then wrap metal wire around the finished log. The tighter you can roll the paper, the longer the "logs" will burn. Keep in mind that when paper is burned without plenty of heat and air, you produce toxic pollutants, and not really very much heat. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

Woman phones up her husband at work for a chat. HIM "I'm sorry dear but I'm up to my neck in work today." HER "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear." HIM "OK darling, but as I've got no time now, just give me the good news." HER "Well, the air bag works."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: 3D Puzzles of every skill level
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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