Dear Webby: DELL and Vista 

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Good Morning, ! Thursday, Dec 13, 2007 Tomorrow is Friday, time to wear something red to show your support of the troops.
A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of. -- Burt Bacharach The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking. -- John Kenneth Galbraith
Thanks to Dave for this story: The young woman sat in her stalled car, waiting for help. Finally two men walked up to her. “I’m out of gas,” she purred. ‘Could you push me to the gas station?” The men readily put their muscles to the car and rolled it several blocks. After a while, one looked up, exhausted, to see that they had just passed a filling station. “How come you didn’t turn in?” he yelled. “I never go there,” the girl shouted back. “They don’t have full service.’
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When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee." I said, "Well, then why are you crying?" She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon". I said, "Well, why are you crying?" She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00a. m. I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?" She said, "I can't remember where I live!"

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There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them were talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remained quiet. After a while one of the first two turned to the third and said, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?" The third fellow said, "I'll tell you -- just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees." The first two guys were amazed. "Wow! What happened then?" they asked. The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer, sighed and uttered, "She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.'" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a tunneler in Coquille, Oregon Poor Planning December 9, 2007 - Coos Bay, Oregon -AP A burglar who tunneled under a wall to access a Coquille tire shop did not have a good exit plan. The burglar was unable to remove anything because the tires were too large to fit through the mouth of the hole. Officers received a report earlier this week of a hole outside Steele’s Universal Tire & Wheel Inc. The hole led into the shop’s dirt-floor storage room. It was roughly 2 feet in diameter and several feet long. But not big enough for the tires. The storage room is connected to the business but does not l ead to all areas of the business. The only items stored in the storage room were semitruck tires. "That’s the first time Ive ever seen something like that," said Sgt. Patrick Smith, of the Coquille Police Department. "It was pretty comical." Police say fingerprints were found at the tire store. Smith said investigators have located a possible suspect.
Thanks to Dianne for this picture of an Ice storm in OKCity:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Fred Re: DELL and Vista Hi Webby, I am one of the idiots who bought a dell comp. With vista cant seem to contact dell Fred Dear Fred If you bought it less than 30 days ago, and still got the cardboard boxes, you can return it and get your money back, except for shipping. You will have to get a Return Authorization from them first. When you do that, you MIGHT be able to talk them into just swapping hard drives, for one with XP pre-loaded. That is the only difference in the machines. You don't need any extra components for XP. Even though XP is cheaper than Vista, they will charge you more for it, but it will be cheaper than losing the freight cost on the computer. Please let me know how you make out with them. Good Luck! DearWebby

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A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being cross-examined. The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married ?" "Yes, sir, once" said the witness in a low voice. "Whom did you marry?" "Well, a woman." The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman ! Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man ?" And the witness said meekly, "My sister did."

Deeli's Kudos December 11, 2007 - Salt Lake City, Utah - Ask a 14-year-old to make a wish and you might expect to hear something about a sports car or a game console, but a West Jordan teenager had something completely different in mind and is now using it to help others. Garrett Stewart wants to give back to the foundation that helped his wish for a roping arena in his backyard come true. Garrett thought his love for team roping could help wishes come true for other young patients, so he started a team roping competition. Last year, he raised $7,500 for the Make-A-Wish Foundation, enough to help two children. He hopes to double that amount this weekend. Garrett's "Ropin' for Wishes" team roping competition continues tomorrow at the Salt Lake County Equestrian Park in South Jordan. Besides roping, visitors can bid at a silent auction or buy items outright at the boutique. All proceeds will go to the Make-A-Wish Foundation. ... dation.htm

During a Biology class, the teacher asked the class, "Why is it that during childhood girls tend to grow taller than guys?" A student replied, "That's because guys have balls and that weighs them down." The teacher, quite annoyed, responded, "Then why is it that at maturity guys tend to grow taller than girls?" The student countered by saying, "That's because girls get breasts and they are heavier than the guy's balls."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Removing a Nail That Has Lost Its Head When the nail head breaks off a nail, it can be tough to get the claw of the hammer to grip the nail. To remove the nail, slip the claw of the hammer over the remainder of the nail and then pull the nail out by moving the hammer sideways instead of straight out. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

An old fellow came into the hospital truly on death's door due to an infected gallbladder. The surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant that his patients be up and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the patient in the hall as ordered, and after the third day the nurse told how he complained bitterly each time they did. The surgeon told them to keep walking him. After a week, the patient was ready to go. His family came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely for what he had done for their father. The surgeon was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told them that it was really a simple operation and we had been lucky to get him in time. "But doctor, you don't understand," they said, "Dad hasn't walked in years!"

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Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: The Visual Dictionary
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Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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