Dear Webby: SBCglobal downtimes 

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Good Morning, ! Sunday, Dec 30, 2007
Where facts are few, experts are many. --- Donald R. Gannon
Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed" she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and they won a prize. Next the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar. The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake. Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?" Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy!"
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The census taker knocked on Donna's door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age. "But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said. "Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she asked. "Certainly," he replied "Well, I'm the same age as they are," she snapped. "As old as the Hills," he intoned as he wrote on his form.

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Thanks to Kelly for this story: Dear Webby- I hope you enjoy this story my father-in-law sent me. Kelly Two British traffic patrol officers from North Berwick were involved in an unusual incident while checking for speeding motorists on the A1 Great North Road . One of the officers used a hand-held radar device to check the speed of a vehicle approaching over the crest of a hill, and was surprised when the speed was recorded at over 300 mph. Their radar suddenly stopped working and the officers were not able to reset it. Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had in fact latched on to a NATO Tornado fighter jet which was engaged in a low flying exercise over the Border district, approaching from the North Sea . Back at police headquarters the chief constable fired off a stiff complaint to the RAF Liaison office. Back came the reply in true laconic RAF style: "Thank you for your message, which allows us to complete the file on this incident. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Tornado had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked onto, your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it. Furthermore, an air-to-ground missile aboard the fully-armed aircraft had also automatically locked onto your equipment. Fortunately the pilot flying the Tornado recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile systems alert status, and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile was launched and your hostile radar installation was destroyed. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Priscilla Ceballos in Garland, Texas Almost too disgusting for a Bonehead Award December 29, 2007 - Garland, Texas - AP An essay that won a 6-year-old Texas girl four tickets to a Hannah Montana concert began with the powerful line: "My daddy died this year in Iraq." While gripping, it was not true. The sponsor of the contest was Club Libby Lu, a Chicago based store that sells clothes, accessories and games for young girls. The girl won a makeover that included a blonde Hannah Montana wig, as well as the grand prize: airfare for four to Albany, N.Y., and four tickets to the sold-out concert on Jan. 9. The mother had told company officials that the girl's father died April 17 in a roadside bombing in Iraq. "We did the essay and that's what we did to win," Priscilla Ceballos, the mother, said in an interview with Dallas TV station KDFW. "We did whatever we could do to win." She had identified the soldier as Sgt. Jonathon Menjivar, but the Department of Defense has no record of anyone with that name dying in Iraq. Company spokeswoman Robyn Caulfield said the mother has admitted to the deception. ... 83-ap.html The father, Jonathan Menjivar, is alive and well in another Texas town and had never been in Iraq or in any American military service.
Thanks to Joan for sending this picture:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From:Jerry Re: SBCglobal downtime Dear Webby, Just a curiosity question. Denise has email and it had been down the last few days. I was guessing overload due to so many Holiday e-cards being delivered/read, etc. Her email is back up now (her work address never went down). Just wondering if my guess could have been correct, or if it might have been some other problem. Thanks and Happy New Year! Jerry Dear Jerry SBCglobal is part of Yahoo. Their UNreliability is quite predictable. Yes, of course their mail went down, like it does every Christmas and Valentines. If she wants reliable email, she should get a gmail address. Have FUN! DearWebby

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A woman's husband dies and she has only $20,000 to her name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that she has no money left. The friend says, "How can that be? You told me you still had $20,000 left just a few days before your husband died. How could you be broke?" The widow says, "Well, the funeral home cost me $5,000. And of course, I had to make the obligatory donation to the temple, so that was another $5,000. The rest went for the memorial stone." The friend says, "$10,000 for the memorial stone? My goodness, how big was it?" Extending her left hand, the widow says, "Three carats."

Deeli's Kudos December 2007 - Castle Rock, Colorado - American Forces Press Release Brandon Burke, a U.S. Army combat medic permanently disabled during a 2005 mortar attack in Baghdad, was speechless when presented the 1,500-square-foot home, not a check for $5,000 as anticipated. “It was so unexpected, … I didn’t know what to say,” said the 30-year-old who enlisted in the Army in June 2002 in nearby Aurora. The call to assist the wounded warrior by providing supplies and labor free of charge was met with an overwhelming response. In fact, people had to be turned away, said Tom Tarver, a partner with Greiner Electric, who said he donated his time to give back to those who fight for the freedoms he enjoys every day. The project was a compilation of efforts as 30 contractors “rose to the occasion” to help the wounded warrior, said Debbie Quackenbush, founder of American Military Family Inc., a nonprofit organization established in January 2005 to assist members of the U.S. military and their families in times of need.

Doug and Tammy decided to take a vacation and travel across the country and visit little known rural areas, staying in off the beaten track motels. They stopped their first night at a motel that must have been at least 100 years old, and one that hadn't had any renovations done since day one. They were preparing themselves for bed and Doug decided to have one last cigarette before getting in to bed, so he left the room to go outside and have his smoke. When Doug returned to the room, he actually started feeling quite romantic, so he carefully opened the door and said, "Honey? Honey?. There was no response. He tried again, "Honey? Hey, honey!" a bit louder this time. Still no reply. Finally a male voice from the blackness in front of him said, "This ain't no beehive you damn fool, this here's the bathroom."

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Daily tip from Tax Write Offs for Home Businesses If you work from home, be sure to take advantage of any tax deductions that are available to you. For example, if you set up an office in your home that is only used for business purposes, you can write off the space on your tax return. Above all, save any and all even vaguely related receipts! Without a receipt, it does not count. However, with a receipt you can write off an allowance to junior as "Snow Removal", as long as he shoveled the driveway to the (home) office, or "Landscaping" if he mowed the lawn. If you provide coffee to "employees" and visitors, you can buy it in bulk and also write it off, IF you save the receipts. DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

A Congressman is awakened in the middle of the night by his wife who whispers, "I think there's a thief in the house." "Not in the House," her husband says. "Perhaps in the Senate, my dear, but not in the House."

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Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Running he numbers
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby

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