Dear Webby, my computer clock is not updating! 

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Good Morning, ! Friday, January 4, 2008 Wear something red to show your support for the troops!
The search for truth is more precious than its possession. - Albert Einstein The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling. --- Paula Poundstone
On their way home, after celebrating their 25th anniversary, the wife thanks her husband for a wonderful evening. "Oh, it's not over yet." He said. Once home, he gives her a little black velvet box. She opens it in anticipation, inside are two small tablets. She asked, "But what are these two little pills?" "Aspirin." The man replied. "But, I don't have a headache." She said. He replied, "There you go, I told you the evening wasn't over yet!"
George and Harriet were married twenty-five years. They decided to celebrate with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt, became very friendly. George brushed her off rather rudely. Harriet objected, "George, she was nice, that young woman, and you were so rude." "Harriet, she's a prostitute." "I don't believe you. That sweet young thing? "Let's go up to our room and I'll prove it." In their room, George called down to the desk and asked for Bambi to come to room 1217. "Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, okay?" She did. Soon, there was a knock on the door. George opened it and Bambi walked in, swirling her hips provocatively. "So, I see you're interested after all," she said. George asked, "How much do you charge?" "$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services." George was taken aback. "$125! I was thinking more in the range of $25." Bambi laughed derisively. "You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for that price." "Well," said George, "I guess we can't do business. Goodbye." After she left, Harriet came out of the bathroom. "I just can't believe it." George said, "Let's forget it. We'll go have a drink, then eat dinner." At the bar, as they sipped their cocktails, Bambi came up behind George pointed slyly at Harriet, and said, "See what you get for $25?"

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As you know, there is a possibility of another outbreak of swine flu during the next few months of flu season. In order that you may be on the alert for indications that you or members of you family may have contracted the Swine Flu Virus, you should be aware of the symptoms associated with this disease. 1) Sore throat. 2) Slight headache. 3) Moderate to high temperature. 4) Nausea or upset stomach. 5) A strong urge to have sex in the mud. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Daniel Cabral, 22 from New Bedford, Massachusetts December 29, 2007 - New Bedford, Massachusetts - AP A burglary suspect who gave a false home address to police after his arrest didn't count on one thing - getting robbed himself. Police say 22-year-old Daniel Cabral was arrested Wednesday and charged with burglarizing a University of Massachusetts- Dartmouth building. He was arraigned and released until his next court date. Hours later, he was robbed at gunpoint while walking home from a bar. He reported the robbery to police, this time giving them his real address instead of the phony address he reported earlier in the day, according to authorities. Police arrested two suspects and a man accused of being an accomplice after the fact. They also obtained a search warrant for Cabral's real address and found computer equipment that had been taken from the UMass building as well as power tools that had been reported missing from a local theater. ... source=rss
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Marion Re: Clock not updating Dear Webby, the clock on my computer is getting more and more out of whack. I got it set to update automatically, but it doesn't seem to. Help! Marion Dear Marion Most likely your fire wall does not allow ET to phone home and get the correct time. If you want to get the time from then make this number range a "Trusted IP" in your fire wall. - There are other time servers too. Just get their IP numbers and make them "Trusted" Have FUN! DearWebby

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Mrs. Morris Siegel beckoned to a salesman in Bergdorf Goodman's, pointed to white wool designer dress on a mannikin, and said, "Hey Sonny boy , so how much is the dress on that store dummy over there?" "That dress is $899.95, Madam," sneered the rather snotty salesman. "Oy! For $99.95 I could get the same dress at S. Klein's downtown!" "But Madam," said the salesman, "You'll find that the dress at Klein's is recycled wool. This original is 100% pure virgin wool." "Nu! So for $800 I should be caring what the lambs do at night?"

Deeli's Kudos December 19, 2007 - United States - CBS News Ever heard of Secret Santa? This month, an anonymous businessman from Kansas City is criss-crossing the country with $75,000 in cash. He won't be sliding down any chimneys, but he's stopping in at bus stations, thrift shops, and Laundromats, seeking out friendly strangers who seem down on their luck. All he asks in return for his generous cash gift is that his beneficiaries do a good deed for someone else. This Good Samaritan may seem saintly, but he's merely stepping into the boots of an old friend: the original Secret Santa, Larry Stewart. Stewart, who died of cancer last year, spent 25 Christmases traveling the country, doling out over $1 million to people in need. When Stewart was on his deathbed, his friend promised him that the Secret Santa tradition would live on long after he was gone. "Secret Santa lives in each and every one of us," Santa told CBS News. "It's just a matter of letting him out." ... _Strangers

Thanks to Connie for this story: A guy is stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years. One day he sees a speck on the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and she says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years!", he says. She reaches over, unzips this waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!" Then she asked, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?" He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, "Wow! That's fantastic!" Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?" And the man replies, "My God! Don't tell me you've got a computer in there?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Goals and Budgeting The beginning of the year is a good time to set goals and set up a budget. Plan your strategy for saving money throughout the year. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

A Priest at a Church picnic was staring at a member of his parish wearing the tiniest of bikinis. A Nun walked over and said, "Shame on you Father, staring at that woman like that!" The Priest replied, "Sister Mary Elizabeth, I know you to be on a diet, and yet I saw you ogling the buffet."

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Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: RockOnIce
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby

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