Dear Webby: Occasional printing 

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Good Morning, ! Thursday, January 10, 2008
Wisdom is knowing what to do next, skill is knowing how to do it, and virtue is doing it. --- David Starr Jordan
Thanks to Sandie for this story: At the banquet of their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us, Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single!"
On the occasion of their fiftieth wedding anniversary, Billy-Bob decided to forego a big party and treat Linda-Sue to a memorable evening at home. Quietly filling the bathtub with champagne, he called her into the bathroom and they spent a sensual evening soaking in the tub by candlelight. When they were finished, Billy-Bob decided he couldn't let all that expensive champagne go to waste, so he carefully poured it back into the empty bottles. However, when he was finished, he found he had nearly a half-bottle too much.

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Thanks to Susan for this story: A Texas cowboy walked into a drug store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The elderly woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and as she and her also widowed elderly sister owned the store, there were no males employed there. She then asked if she could help the gentleman. The cowpoke said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist. The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism. The old bronco-buster agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it." The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister. When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $3,000 a month plus living expenses. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to an Sniveling Ninnies January 9, 2008 - Washington - UPI The U.S. Supreme Court heard argument Wednesday on whether a law requiring a photo ID for voting is an unconstitutional burden on the poor. Democrats are challenging an Indiana law requiring a photo ID, such as a driver's license or passport, to vote. Indiana voters showing up at the polls without a photo ID are only allowed to cast provisional ballots and then must show officials a photo ID later in order for the ballot to be counted. Democrats argue that the photo ID requirement is a thinly disguised effort to discourage voting among the poor, the elderly and minorities, those least likely to have the IDs, Republicans argue that photo IDs are essential to cut down on voter fraud by illegal aliens and others. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-285565-715827 ------------------------- Why don't they just tell them that they can't cash in winning lottery tickets without picture ID. The problem will be solved overnight.
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Careful what you teach them!
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Armond Re: Occasional priting Dear Webby, I only use my printer for one week every quarter year, but then print quite a lot. After sitting for three months, even fresh name brand cartridges are dead. Is there a way to keep them from dying in the meantime? Would it help to take them out and put them into the freezer? Armond Dear Armond The freezer will destroy them for sure. Wrapping them tightly with Saran wrap, or similar stretch film wrap, may help occasionally, with some brands, but is not really a reliable solution. Especially if you 'print quite a lot', get a laser printer. Laser printers are cheaper per page, and since the toner that they use instead of ink, is a dry powder, it does not make any difference how long it sits between print jobs. A Laser takes 5 - 10 seconds to warm up after cold hibernation, but it does not care if the hibernation was during lunch hour or a few years. Once warmed up, it will print quite a bit faster than an inkjet printer. Have FUN! DearWebby
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There's this cathedral that's still being worked on, and the workers have rigged a "cage elevator" inside so they can get material up and down to the upper floors. A characteristic of these "cage elevators" is that the doors (gate) must be closed manually for them to be "called" to another floor. One day one of the workers, Peter by name, takes the elevator to the top floor, and it is subsequently needed on the first floor by the sexton. Unfortunately, Peter forgot and left the door open. After the sexton rings for the elevator a couple times, to no avail, he yells up for the worker to send the lift back down. Visitors to the cathedral were treated to this sight: The sexton of the cathedral, head tipped up, yelling to the heavens: "Peter! CLOSE THE GATES!!!"

Deeli's Kudos January 8, 2008 - Albuquerque, New Mexico - UPI Six members of two families who disappeared on a snowmobiling trip have been found safe in Colorado near the New Mexico state line. The Groen and Martin families of Farmington, N.M., broke into a cabin in Colorado's San Luis Valley Friday to survive and stayed put. "We just stayed in the cabin. It was safe. We were aware there would be people looking out for us. We didn't want to split up and take unnecessary risks," said Jason Groen, one of those rescued. Authorities said the families did the right thing to survive. "We were confident we would find them. It was just impossible to get to them Saturday or Sunday because it was snowing so hard," said Conejos County Sheriff Robert Gurule. The family members managed to call authorities soon after search crews left to look for them once avalanche threats in northern New Mexico and southern Colorado had passed. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-284529-635428

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong. She must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The vicar spoke to Jane in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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When you're hospitalized, it pays to be nice to your nurse, even when you're feeling miserable. A bossy businessman learned this the hard way after ordering his nurses around as if they were his employees. But the head nurse stood up to him. One morning she entered his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry," the nurse stated," but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his bottom. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay just like that until I get back!" She left the door to his room open on her way out, and he cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor came into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor. Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" "Yes," said the doctor. "But never with a carnation."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Sound Effects
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





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