Dear Webby, I have problems with junkmail 

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Good Morning, ! Saturday, January 19, 2008
Never discourage anyone who continually makes progress, no matter how slow. --- Plato
Thanks to Cookie for this story: (As sent by her, from the hospital) Cookie, Upset over the recent death of her husband Bob, So she decided to just kill herself And join him in death. Thinking it would be best to get it Over with quickly, she took out Bob's old Army pistol and made the decision to Shoot herself in the heart since it was So badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become A vegetable and a burden to someone, she called Her doctor's office to learn her heart's exact location. "Since you're a woman ," The doctor said, "the easiest way to locate your heart is, it is just below your left breast. Why do you ask?" She hung up without answering Later that night, Cookie was admitted to the hospital With a gunshot wound to her knee.

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Thanks to Martin for this story: A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made contact, "Connie....Connie." "Is that you, Joe?" "Yes, I've come back like we agreed." "That's wonderful! What's it like?" "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud- lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again." "Oh, Joe you surely must be in Heaven!" "Not exactly... I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona ." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a Carpool Cheater in Seattle, WA Carpool Annie January 15, 2008 - Seattle, Washington - UPI A Washington state trooper said a motorist cited for driving alone in the carpool lane was traveling with an elaborately decorated dummy disguised as a human. State Patrol Trooper Jeff Merrill said the driver was pulled over after his dummy, which was in the rear passenger seat, slumped over so it could not be seen from outside the car, The Seattle Post-Intelligencer reported. Merrill said the driver admitted the dummy -- dressed in a denim jacket, a hoodie and glasses with a painted-on black beard -- was intended to fool traffic cops into thinking a passenger was riding along while the driver used the carpool lane. The man was given a $124 citation, but he was allowed to keep his mannequin.
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: This one bloomed today.
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jaye Re: Problem with junkmail Dear Webby Getting flooded with a ton of junk mail and need to know if there is a good spam catcher. Thanks for all your hellp.... You advice keeps my Computer running smoothly. Jaye. Dear Jaye Go to and get MailWasher. You can get a free 30 day trial and get started immediately. I have been using MailWasher for years and it takes care of over 4000 pieces of spam in my mail every day. When you do eventually buy it, it is just under $30, and well worth it. Plus they buy me a regular coffee for dragging you in out of the rain. I have tried many spam control products over the years, and MailWasher beats them all. Have FUN! DearWebby
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"Hello?" Linda responded, answering the phone. "I bet you want me to come over to your house, take you into the bedroom, undress you, lick you from head to toe, and then make mad passionate love to you all night long," the male voice whispered sensuously. "Gee," she replied. "You could tell all that just from me saying 'hello?

Deeli's Kudos January 16, 2008 - Brisbane, Australia - AP Boomerangs really do come back, even after 25 years. Officials in an Australian Outback town were surprised when a boomerang arrived in the post. Along with it was a note from a guilt-ridden American who said he stole it years earlier from a museum in the mining town of Mount Isa, and now felt rotten about it. ''I removed this back in 1983 when I was younger and dumber,'' said the note, according to Mount Isa Mayor Ron McCullough. ''It was the wrong thing to do, I'm sorry, and I'm going to send it back,'' said the note. McCullough on Thursday gave the contrite thief's first name as Peter but said it would be unfair to release his full identity. Boomerangs were traditionally used by Aborigines as a hunting weapon. A typical returning boomerang can travel up to 150 feet in the air before returning to the thrower. ... -years.htm

After meeting with the boss, the head salesperson mustered the troops. "People," she said, "I've just been informed that we're going to be having a fire sale." "A fire sale?" spoke up one agent. "But we sell insurance." "I said a fire sale, and I meant it," she replied coldly. "Anyone who doesn't make a sale gets fired."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Roadside Assistance A lot of people pay for roadside assistance but don't have the numbers handy. Check to make sure you have numbers to call in your wallet or purse and program them into your cell phone. It's much better to make the call yourself rather than have the police arrange towing for your vehicle. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

A computer program crashed in the lawyer's office, so he called a programmer. The programmer arrived, unpacked his case, did mysterious programmer-type things for a while, and handed the lawyer a bill for $600. The lawyer exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a lawyer!." The programmer quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a lawyer."

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Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Think Geek - Stuff for Smart Masses
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby

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