Dear Webby: Compaq Problems 

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Good Morning, ! Tuesday, January 22, 2008
To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk. --- Thomas A. Edison
A bad joke bonehead award goes to a Texas rancher who depreciated 15 to 20 animals, something only allowed if the animals are used in breeding who, when asked by the IRS agent at an audit, "I presume you breed these animals?" replied that he didn't, giving his accountant a heart attack. But then, after a pregnant pause, continued, "I've got a bull for that."
Two nuns decide they're going to sneak out of the convent and have a real night on the town. They hit all the bars and dance clubs, and decide they've finally got to head back to the convent. To enter the convent's grounds they have to crawl under some barbed wire. The nuns start crawling under the wire on their bellies. As they're crawling under the wire, the first nun turns to the second and says, "I feel like a Marine." The second replies, "Yeah, me too, but where can you find one this time of night?"

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Everybody's heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?" Late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation. By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They fueled up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way. The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane...only this time there were two people inside. The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!" ------------------------ If you ARE interested in Area 51, head up Interstate 15 from Las Vegas towards Utah, hang a left at Highway 93, turn left at Extraterrestrial Highway, yes it's really called that!, about 40 Miles to 51 Road on the left. If you don't get stopped, about half an hour down that road is Area 51. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a wannabe robber in Edmonton, Alberta Wrong time and place January 18, 2008 - Edmondton, Alberta, Canada - Reuters A would-be Canadian robber picked the wrong place at the wrong time this week, attempting to hit a liquor store -- right across the street from a police station in the midst of a shift change. Police in the western Canadian city of Edmonton, Alberta, said a man wearing a ski mask walked into the liquor store and demanded cash. The clerk refused to co-operate and the man, unable to fill his pockets, fled the store. The clerk called the police just as the station was packed with officers preparing for the shift change. Several of them just walked to the store parking lot and arrested the man there. The 37-year-old has been charged with attempted robbery. ... 2520080118
Thanks to VeeGee for sending this picture: Art Carr who is now retired from NB Power took this picture at his home in Douglas Tuesday, January 15, 2008, A few more people sent the same picture later on in the day, each time supposedly from a different location. By afternoon the deer and cat had migrated as far south as Pennsylvania.
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jaye Re: Compaq Woes Dear Webby, I am having a tough time finding the serial # and the Product number for the Compaq I gave to my neighbors. We have lQQked everywhere on that Computer...I called Hewlett Packard 5 times already and they tell me they are not the right numbers...They said the serial # has to start with an MY, MX or CN...cannot find the product # either and we went over the Computer with fine tooth comb...Nothing we give the Compaq techs comes close. Guessing there will never be a recovery disk for it...Avast will not install no how...She told me she removed Google from her ADD-REMOVE programs since she thought maybe all the Pop-ups were coming faster than she can X them out but I don't think it has anything to do with it...Webby is there any way to re-do it without the Recovery Disk. Jaye Dear Jaye That is typical for HP. They have a reputation to live up to. Don't expect any useful help from them. I am assuming that you already ran Spybot-Search&Destroy and the free McAfee one time on-line Virus Scan. You can try running the Belarc Advisor from my toolbox at It MIGHT show the number. If not,.... If you can't find the set-up CD, you can either march down to Staples, plunk down $100 for an XP package, or go to the second hand store and buy some old klunker, that has the set-up CD with it, for $50 - $75. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to John for this story: I made the decision to finally do something about the 600 pounds I'm carrying on my 5'4" frame. So, I headed down to the local sports shoe store and was just amazed at the tremendous selection of different shoes. Flat arch, high arch, over-pronator, neutral-pronator, under-pronator . . . my God! I finally selected a pair and, as I was trying 'em on, I asked the saleslady, "What's this little pocket thing on the side for?" She said, "Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call a cab when you've jogged too far."

Deeli's Kudos January 19, 2008 - Mountain, North Dakota - AP A small North Dakota town is getting a bit of foreign aid to help build its community center: a $75,000 donation from Iceland. Officials in Mountain, a northeastern North Dakota community with a rich Icelandic heritage told Iceland Prime Minister Geir Haarde about the $1.3 million community center project when he came to the town last year for the 108th annual August the Deuce Icelandic Celebration. It commemorates the beginning of Iceland's journey to independence from Denmark. Mountain's community center will house the local fire department, a cafe and other businesses, a banquet room and a church office. Mountain Mayor Tim Moore said it will serve not only the town but the region, where people from Iceland settled in the 1870s. ... a-town.htm

Thanks to marion for this: Women's Lament: The nice men are ugly. The handsome men are not nice. The handsome and nice men are gay. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money. The handsome men without money are after our money. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!! And yet, WOMEN are the CONFUSED sex??? ----------------------- What's so confusing with clear guidelines like that? Make the first move and get on with life!

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Marked Down Meat Grocery stores mark down meat when it gets near its "sell by" date. If you are shopping for tonight's dinner then this meat can be real bargain. If you don't plan on eating the meat quickly, freeze it for future use. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

Wendy tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to Paul her good friend. Paul told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied Wendy, "if I only can sell the car." "Okay," said Paul. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore." The following weekend, Wendy made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, Paul asked Wendy, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied Wendy, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."

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Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Mallards on the Wing
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby

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