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Good Morning,  !
Saturday,  February 2, 2008


The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil 
but because of those who look on and do nothing.  
--- Albert Einstein



Thanks to Roland for this classic:

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and 
working in the family business.   

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his 
sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which 
to share his fortune. 

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most 
beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took 
his breath away. 'I may look like just an ordinary man,' 
he said to her, 
'but in just a few weeks, my father will die, 
and I'll inherit 20 BILLION dollars.' 

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.  

Three days later, she became his stepmother. 
 Women are so much better at estate planning than men. 



TRANSLATION OF VACATION TERMS 
When choosing a vacation spot, be aware of the following 
advertising terminology and their meanings . . . 

Tropical . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Rainy. 
Old world charm . . . . . . . . No bath. 
Open bar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Free ice cubes 
Pre registered rooms . . . . .Both already occupied. 
Majestic setting . . . . . . . . . A long way from town. 
Secluded hideaway . . . . . . Impossible to find except by cab 
Options galore . . . . . . . . . . Nothing on the itinerary is included. 
Knowledgeable trip hosts . .They've been on a greyhound once 
Gentle breezes  . . . . . . . . . OccasionalGale force winds. 
Plush . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Top and bottom sheets. 
Light and airy  . . . . . . . . . . No air conditioning. 
Picturesque  . . . . . . . . . . . Cutie on the billboard across the street
Nominal fee . . . . . . . . . . . . Outrageous charge. 
Explore on your own . . . . . Pay for it yourself. 
No extra fees . . . . . . . . . . . No extras. 
Standard . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sub-standard. 
Deluxe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Standard. 
Superior . . . . . . . . . . . . . . One free shower cap. 
All the amenities . . . . . . . . Shower cap and soap. 
Internet access . . . . . . . .  You need your own dial-up account
Only 25 cents per call  . . . We knock you off-line every 5 minutes


, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
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Thanks for your votes!


The sheriff of a small town was also the town's veterinarian.

One night the phone rang, and his wife answered.
An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?"

"Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?" 
the wife asked.

"Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, 
and there's a burglar in it."


Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter.

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Berkley, California town council

Pinko Hyppocrites 
February 1, 2008 - Berkeley, California - Contra Costa Times
Thanks to David for this submission
 
Hey-hey, ho-ho, the Marines in Berkeley have got to go. 

That's the message from the Berkeley City Council, which 
voted 8-1 Jan. 29 to tell the Marines that its Shattuck Avenue 
recruiting station "is not welcome in the city, and if recruiters 
choose to stay, they do so as uninvited and unwelcome intruders." 

In addition, the council voted to explore enforcing its law 
prohibiting discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation 
against the Marines, and officially encouraged the fanatical
left wing Pro-Castro / Anti Bush feminist group Code Pink 
to impede the work of the Marines in the city by protesting 
in front of the station. 

In a separate council item, the council voted 8-1 to give 
Code Pink a designated parking space in front of the recruiting 
station once a week for six months and a free sound permit 
for protesting once a week from noon to 4 p.m. 

For about the past four months, Code Pink has been protesting 
in front of the station.

Sound Off...What do you think? Join the discussion: 
http://forums.military.com/eve/forums/a ... 61001/p/21

http://www.military.com/NewsContent/0,1 ... 14,00.html

-------------------------------
Code pink was founded by pro-Castro and pro-Chavez 
radical Medea Benjamin, and works closely with Cindy Sheehan 
and Jodie Evans. 

Code Pink receives financial support from the Tides Foundation, 
the Streisand Foundation, and the New Priorities Foundation. 
For much of 2005, Code Pink for Peace staged weekly noisy 
protests outside of Walter Reed Army Medical Center, where 
many U.S. soldiers wounded in combat are treated. 

If you want to read up about Code Pink: 
About Code Pink
http://snipurl.com/1ysvr



Thanks to Deeli for sending this picture:


Thanks to Deeli for this:
How the stock market works 
 
Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced 
to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. 

The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, 
went out to the forest, and started catching them. 

The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to 
diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He then announced 
that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the 
villagers and they started catching monkeys again. 

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started 
going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each 
and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an 
effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it! 

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 ! 
However, since he had to go to the city on some business, 
his assistant would now buy on behalf of him. 

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. 
"Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has 
collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man 
returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each." 

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the 
monkeys. Some even got loans from a new bank in order to
buy monkeys at $35 !

Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, 
only monkeys and bankers everywhere! 

Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market 
works. 


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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Rosalie
Re: sbcglobal problems

Dear Webby,
I have been signed up to your web site for a long time and yet I only 
get your e-mails maybe once a month or every other month.  I also 
signed up to Webby's site and never get anything, although I use 
to receive it everyday.  Don't' know what the problem is but I sure 
do miss your's and Webby's  everyday musings.  
Rosalie   ******@sbcglobal.net

Dear Rosalie
With Yahoo's sbcglobal you have to expect that.
It is not something you did or didn't do. 
All Yahoos have that problem.

Just get yourself a free gmail address for important stuff.
If you want a referral, let me know and I will generate one for you.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

    Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
    100% Guarantee & Free shipping
    Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
    Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
    http://www.Ask4Ink.com


Thanks to Brigit for this report:
In Marine Corps basic training, I soon learned that everything
we recruits used belonged to our drill instructor.  For instance,
she referred to the stuff in our footlockers as "my trash" and
to the racks where we slept as "my racks."

One time when when we were whispering in the head (bathroom) 
while making "head calls," our drill instructor must have overheard us.
To our surprise, she suddenly yelled, "Why do I hear voices in
my head?"


Deeli's Kudos

February 1, 2008 - Plympton, Devon, UK - Ananova

A nine-year-old boy steered his mother's car to safety across 
three lanes of traffic when she blacked out at 70mph.

Jonathan Anderson grabbed the steering wheel as the car 
lost control and hit the central barrier of the A38 in Plympton, Devon.

Emergency services praised Jonathan for averting a much more 
serious accident and said he would receive a special bravery certificate.

His mother, Marion Anderson, 34, who runs a curtain-making business, 
said: "He is my little superhero. The last thing I remember is driving 
over the flyover to take Jonathan to school.

Jonathan said: "Mummy passed out so I held the steering wheel, 
pulled the handbrake and put the hazard lights on. The car stopped 
and the windscreen was smashed. It was scary because I have never 
driven a car before."

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2707244.html?menu=



A boy was watching his father, a preacher, write a sermon. 
He asked, "How do you know what to say, dad?" 

His father said, "Why, God tells me, son." 

The boy was silent for a moment, then said, 
"Then why do you keep crossing things out?" 



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
 .
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Old Mail Box As A Train Tunnel
If you know a toy train enthusiast (or are one yourself) you 
can use an old metal mailbox to create a tunnel for your train. 
Just remove the door and back of the mailbox and let your 
toy train travel through it. 

An old, worn out door mat or throw rug works fine too. Build
the track first. It can be curved and even exit on the same
side higher up, like the spiral tunnel at Kicking Horse Pass
http://www.acs.ucalgary.ca/~keay/sprial.html

Use a 2" vaccum cleaner hose or similar spacer on the track,
drape the throw rug over it and sprinkle it with cement and 
water. You don't need a lot, it just has to be stiff enough,
that it doesn't collapse when you pull the hose out a day 
later.

You can, of course also use boxes or pieces of wood as
spacers and create a realistic looking mountain. 
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended !
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:




The new father ran out of the delivery room and announced to 
the rest of his family waiting for the news, "We had twins!" 

The family was so excited, they immediately asked, 
"Who do they look like?" 

The father paused, smiled and said, "Each other." 


If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
Yellowstone National park
.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!
   


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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning,  !
Friday,  February 1, 2008
Wear something red to show your support for the troops!



It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three 
unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, 
freedom of conscience, 
and the prudence never to practice either of them.
--- Mark Twain

The American media reports the news under the privilege 
granted to them under the First Amendment.  While that entails 
a moral responsibility to report without a leftist slant, 
that would require more integrity and competence than what
we observe with the current crop.
--- Socratex



Thanks to Jai for this story:
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. 
Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was 
dusting, he looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you 
don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?' 

Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit 
in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious 
programs make me feel good and the comedies make me 
laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.' 

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. 
She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in 
focus.  Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the 
TV hoping to fix the problem. 

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open 
the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister 
said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?' 

The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' 
her boyfriend.' 

The minister fainted. 



Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Two rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along 
they come upon a huge hole in the ground.  They approach 
it and are amazed by the size of it.

The first hunter says, "Wow, that's some hole!  I can't even 
see the bottom!  I wonder how deep it is?"

The second hunter says, "I don't know--let's throw something 
down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."

The first hunter says, "There's this old transmission here--
give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see."

So they pick it up and carry it over, and count, 
"one, and two, and three," and heave it in the hole.  
They are standing there listening and looking over the edge 
and they hear a rustling in the brush behind them.  As they 
turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, 
run up to the hole with no hesitation, and jump in headfirst.

While they are standing there looking at each other, looking 
in the hole, and trying to figure out what that was all about, 
an old farmer walks up.  "Say there," says the farmer,  
"you fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here 
anywhere, did you?"

The first hunter says, "Funny you should ask--we were just 
standing here a minute ago, and a goat came running out 
of the bushes doin' about a hunert miles an hour and 
jumped headfirst into this hole here!"

And the old farmer said, "Why that's  impossible!  
I had him tied to a transmission!"


, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!


I stopped at a fast food restaurant recently. I was fascinated by a
sign which offered fat free french fries. I decided to give them a try.

I was dismayed when the clerk pulled a basket of fries from the fryer
which were dripping with fat. He filled a bag with these fries and put
them in my order.

"Just a minute!" I said. "Those aren't fat free."

"Yes, they are. We only charge for the potatoes. The fat is free!"


Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter.

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Shannell Monique Mosley, Houston, Texas

A bit too klutzy! 
January 9, 2008 - Houston, Texas - UPI
A Texas woman allegedly left her eight children alone while 
she went to Africa to marry a man she had met online and 
now faces criminal charges when she returns. 

Investigators with Harris County Child Protective Services 
in Houston say a 15-year-old girl was forced into the role 
of parent for her seven brothers and sisters, as well as 
for a neighbor's two children. The teenager, overwhelmed 
by her responsibilities, eventually reported the situation to 
authorities. 

Investigators found the children in a roach-infested house 
scattered with debris. They are now in protective custody. 

Authorities said the mother, Shannell Monique Mosley, had 
removed all her belongings from the house as if not planning 
to return. The neighbor, who allegedly left his children in her 
house although he knew she was gone, is also under 
investigation. 

http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-285106-580249


Thanks to Martin for sending this picture:

What's between those ears apparently is not worth a helmet.


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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Ruby
Re: Central Privacy agency

Dear Webby,
Your site has been helpful on more than one occasion and I 
am hoping you can help once again!
I checked my phone number on  Google and it wasn't there.  
However, several other sites including addresses.com popped 
up with my phone number and address.  How an I block those?  
Is there a 'generic site' to go to to block these things?  My job 
is such that I DON'T need people knowing my home address!! 
(no,it's not a naughty type of job!)
Thanks for your help!
Ruby

Dear Ruby
As far as I know there is no central privacy assurance 
company, yet.
You will have to contact all of those places individually.
Some will cooperate, some will argue that, if the information 
is published in the phone book, it is public and not private.

Might be fun to collect the information and remedies that 
you find, and put it all onto a web page.
I'll gladly give you the space for it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

    Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
    100% Guarantee & Free shipping
    Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
    Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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A young man in Marine Corps boot camp quickly learned that 
when the drill Sergeant started to count down from ten, he 
had better be out of sight when the sergeant reached zero. 

One day after the young man had cleaned the barracks, the 
sergeant put him in charge of the supply locker. He then 
pulled out a piece of paper and said, "Ten." 

Before the sergeant could say another word, the young man 
dropped everything and dived out the open window. 

After a few moments the sarge yelled, "Get back here", I'm just
trying to give you the combination to the locker."


Deeli's Kudos

January 31, 2008 - London, England - Herald Sun
Actor  Johnny Depp secretly visited London's Great Ormond 
St Hospital to donate a million pounds to thank staff for 
saving his daughter's life.

Depp arrived unexpectedly at the renowned children's 
hospital where eight-year-old Lily-Rose was treated last 
year when her kidneys failed. 

Last week he invited five Great Ormond St doctors and 
nurses to the party for the London premiere of his film 
Sweeney Todd. 

And unknown to the public, Depp spent four hours at the 
hospital telling bedtime stories to patients dressed as 
Captain Jack Sparrow from Pirates Of The Caribbean. 

Last March, Lily-Rose spent nine days at Great Ormond St 
when E.coli poisoning led to the failure of her kidneys. 

http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/ ... 74,00.html



Plumber to wife of would-be handyman:
"To ensure properly functioning plumbing, 
keep foreign objects out of your sinks and tubs, 
flush soap suds away with hot water --
and above all, hide your husband's wrenches."



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
 .
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Softening Butter
Microwave butter for 10 seconds to quickly soften it. 
If the butter is frozen, you may have to repeat this, 
but be careful not to microwave it for too long, it will 
quickly become liquid. Use a cheese grater on hard 
butter which you are adding to a recipe, the grated 
butter will quickly melt. 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended !
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:




 A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed
 her a study which indicated that men use about 15,000 words a day,
 whereas women use 30,000 words a day. She thought about this, then
 told her husband that women  use twice as many words as men because
 they have to repeat everything they say. Looking stunned, he said,
 "What?"


If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog


Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link:
International Home Remedies
.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!
   


Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter


Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning,  !
Thursday,  January 31, 2008

Tomorrow is Friday!

Take care of your body with steadfast fidelity. 
The soul must see through these eyes alone, and if they 
are dim, the whole world is clouded. 
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool 
usually has his suspicions.
--- Wilson Mizner



Hillary had been busy campaigning, and her last stop of the 
day was at a Senior Citizens Home. After walking in and 
looking around for a while she approached an elderly woman 
in a wheel chair. Bending over to be on eye level with her, 
she asked her "Do you know who I am?" 

The elderly lady gave her a good looking over, then told her 
"No I don't. You don't look familiar. Just go to the front desk, 
they will tell you who you are."



Thanks to georgina for this report:
I was nervous the night my husband and I brought our kids to 
an upscale restaurant for the first time. My husband ordered 
a bottle of wine with the meal. When the waitress brought it, 
our children became quiet as she began the ritual uncorking. 
When she poured a small amount for my husband to taste, 
our six-year-old piped up, 
"Mom can drink a lot more than that!"


, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!


About a year ago a friend, who lives in Virginia, was talking with her four 
year old son, Brent. He was asking her why all their relatives from 
Wisconsin talk funny and sound like their noses are plugged up. 
"They think we have an accent," she replied. 
"But they have an accent, right?", Brent asked. "They talk funny?" 
"Everybody talks in different ways" she tried to explain. 
"To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our words 
are d-r-a-w-n out." 
His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously, 
"Oh, no. You mean they hear funny too?" 


Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter.

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Kelvin Ethelbert Roberts, 28, of Cherryville, New Jersey

A bit too klutzy! 
January 23, 2008 - Cherryville, New Jersey - AP

Thanks to Ross for this submission
Authorities said an unsuccessful robber shot himself in the foot. 
Police said Kelvin Ethelbert Roberts, 28, botched his plans 
to rob a Cherryville convenience store by accidentally shooting 
his right foot.

According to an arrest warrant, Roberts dropped a .45-caliber 
handgun in front of Gasland USA on Sunday. The gun hit the 
ground and went off, a bullet striking Roberts in the foot.
Roberts faces several charges that include attempted robbery 
with a dangerous weapon and possession of a weapon of mass 
destruction. Police said the handgun had been altered to fire 
.410 shotgun shells.

Authorities said Roberts was in illegal possession of the gun 
because of his felony cocaine possession conviction in 2002 
in Chautauqua County, New York, and was not allowed to
possess or carry any gun.

http://www.bakersfield.com/917/story/342790.html


Thanks to Roland for sending this picture:

Printed in the Rocky Mountain News, January 30th 2008


    Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
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    Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
    We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Nora
Re: Attach files to email

Could you explain how to send and attachment's. I have had 
my computer for 7 year's now and no one to show me how 
to do it. And sometime's there are thing's I would like to 
send on and I can't because I don't know how. If you could 
would you print it out so I can follow it in your column . 
I have window's xp  I catch on really fast but that is one 
thing I don't even know how to start doing it. 
Nora

Dear Nora
I don't really know what email program you use.
With Eudora, you simply drag a file from an Explorer
or File Save window into the header area of a mail
that you are writing, or onto the Eudora shortcut on
your desktop. Or if you prefer to do it with just the keyboard,
hit CTRL H, and a file browser opens to let you find 
and select what to attach.

Eudora is one of the oldest email programs, and most others
copied most or all of Eudora's code, and will therefore work
similarly.

Considering the ad on your mail, you might have Incredimail,
which is sometimes called the funky great-granddaughter of 
Eudora and has inherited a lot from it. Chances are very 
good that the same procedure still works.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

    Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
    100% Guarantee & Free shipping
    Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
    Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
    http://www.Ask4Ink.com


Thanks to Rodney for this story:
The owner of a business was confused about paying a bill,
so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help...

"You went to college, you should be able to figure this out.
If I were to give you $200, minus 14%, how much would
you take off?" he asked her.

The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings!"


Deeli's Kudos

January 30, 2008 – Worldwide Web
Check out your telephone number by simply typing in your 
telephone number, including area code, on a Google search.
 http://www.google.com/ 

You just might find your name and address and a map to your 
location. 

Just like it happened to Deeli today!  Current personal PC 
document information also showed up on this search link 
which I was able to open those documents from that link :-o 
Maybe you’ll get lucky and nothing will show up at all.  

If you do find information, which you don’t want announced 
to the world or others who have access to your PC, you can 
request your phone number be removed from the Google 
site and it will be done within 48 hours. My information was 
hidden from the general public almost immediately.

If personal documents do show on your search, click on ‘hide’.

If you choose to go further, you can block Google from 
divulging your name and address by:
Clicking on *Phone book results for* And then click on 
*Request to have your named removed from this list
Deeli



Thanks to Jim for this report:
My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and 
marriage. He told >me that he knew as early as their wedding 
what marriage to my Mom would be like. 
It seems the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man 
to be your husband." And she said, "I do."
Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman 
to be your wife," and my Mom said, "He better,....."



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
 .
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
No Snow Pants?
If you don't want to buy snow pants, just spray an old pair 
of jeans with water repellent. Wear a pair of long johns 
underneath to help keep you warm. Plastic bags work 
as a substitute to snow boots in a pinch
Baby Oil works great as an emergency water
repellant, especially in the cold, and washes out clean. 
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended !
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:




Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Visiting the National Museum of the American Indian in 
Washington, D.C., my sister and I were admiring a beautiful 
tribal headdress decorated with eagle feathers. 

A man came up to us and identified himself as a Native American. 
"Do you know how warriors got those?" the man asked, 
pointing to the feathers. "They covered a hole with brush, 
tied a live rabbit on top of it and hid underneath. When an 
eagle swooped down for the kill, they would grab its wing or tail."

"Fascinating," I said. "You learned that from your tribal elders?"

"Actually, no," the man confessed. 
"I saw it on the Discovery Channel." 


If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
Guess the spot
.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!
   


Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter


Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning,  !
Wednesday,  January 30, 2008


Yes, we have to divide up our time like that, between our politics 
and our equations. But to me our equations are far more important, 
for politics are only a matter of present concern. 
A mathematical equation stands forever.
--- Albert Einstein



Thanks to Ross for this story:
A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made 
a special effort with his family on the weekends.  Every Sunday 
morning he would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a 
drive in the car for some bonding time. 

One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really 
didn't feel like being up at all.  Luckily, his wife came to the 
rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter 
out.  When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs 
to see her grandfather. 

"Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?"

"Oh yes, Papa" the girl replied, "and do you know what?  
We didn't see a single dumb bastard or stupid **** head!"



A doctor sees the old man walking down the
street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm!

The next time the old man had an appointment,
the doc says, "You're really doing great, aren't
you?"

"Just doing what you told me, Doctor. Get a
hot mamma and be cheerful."

"I didn't say that... I said, You've got a heart
murmur, be careful..."


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"Why Men Can't Win"

If you put a woman on a pedestal and
try to protect her from the rat race,
you are a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework,
you are a pansy.

If you work too hard,
there is never any time for her..
If you don't work enough,
you are a good for nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay,
this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay,
you should get off your rear
and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her,
that is favoritism.
If she gets job ahead of you,
it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks,
it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you cry, you are a wimp.
If you don't, you are an insensitive bastard.


Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter.

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Charlena Graham in Augusta, Georgia

Should have known better! 
January 25, 2008 - Augusta, Georgia - UPI
 
A deputy coroner in Georgia has been charged with stealing 
gift cards from a woman who killed herself on New Year's Eve. 

Charlena Graham was arrested Wednesday in her office in 
Richmond County. She was immediately dismissed from 
her position after being charged with a single count of theft 
by taking. 

Graham allegedly appropriated five gift cards with a total 
value of about $400 from stores that included Target, 
Macy's and Victoria's Secret, officials said. Because 
Graham is a public official, the theft is automatically a 
felony. 

Sheriff's deputies gave the woman's personal items to 
Graham, the report said. Family members later reported 
that gift cards appeared to be missing. 

Investigators have evidence that includes videotapes of 
Graham allegedly using the gift cards to buy items for 
her own use, Sheriff Ronnie Strength reported. 
http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-293029-412858


Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:


No global warming yet!


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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Barry
Re: Powerpoint Association

Dear Webby-I frequently get e-mails with PPS attachments. 
When I try to open them, I get a window that tells me to create 
an association for the file. I went to Micro soft, and downloaded 
Power Point viewer, but I still can't open these e-mails. 
How do I create an association? 
Thanx for any help you can give me. 
~~~Barry

Dear Barry
Open the file explorer and go to where you stash your PPS files.
Highlight one, and right-click it.
Select: OPEN WITH
Select the PowerPoint Viewer
Put a checkmark on "Always use this program for this type of file"
Hit Apply and OK.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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"Why Men Can't Win"
Cont'd

If you make a decision without consulting her,
you are a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you,
she's liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something
she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form
and frilly underwear, you are a pervert.
If you don't, you are a fag.

If you like a woman to shave her legs
and keep in shape, you are a sexist.
If you don't, you are unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you are vain.
If you don't, you are a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you are after something.
If you don't, you are not thoughtful.

If you are proud of your achievements,
you are up yourself.
If you don't, you are not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she is tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often, you are oversexed.
If you don't, there must be someone else.


Deeli's Kudos

January 28, 2008 - Koolunga, Australia - Herald Sun
A boy has been hailed a hero after he gave his father 
mouth-to-mouth and ran 2 miles for help when their 
car rolled over.

Lachlan "Lochie" Nally, 11, saw that dad Matthew's 
chest wasn't moving after their car rolled in the 
South Australian north yesterday. 

The brave boy, who suffered minor injuries, performed 
CPR on his father then ran barefoot 3km to the Koolunga 
hotel. 

He bashed on the door and woke the owner, who called 
an ambulance. 

Chief Insp Graham Goodwin said it was "one of the 
most heroic acts I've seen". 

"As you can imagine he's been in a very serious collision 
so that's distressing in itself," he said. 

He said Lochie's bravery should be recognised. 

Mr Nally, 36, is in a serious condition in an Adelaide 
hospital.

http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/ ... 61,00.html







The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
 .
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing Paint From Hands
Try rubbing baby oil or Vaseline on your hands to loosen 
paint stains. Keep paint from lodging under your fingernails 
by rubbing them over a bar of soap before painting. 
Prevent paint from getting on your hands altogether 
by wearing rubber gloves when you paint. 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
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Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room.
After a while he emerged and informed his mother that he had 
thought it over and then said a prayer.
"Fine," said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to help you not
misbehave, He will help you."
"Oh, I didn't ask Him to help me not misbehave," said Johnny.
"That would be no fun. I asked Him to make you not notice it."


If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
Hard Shell Cats & Mice
.

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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning,  !
Tuesday,  January 29, 2008


Every calling is great when greatly pursued. 
--- Oliver Wendell Holmes  

To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
--- Robert Orben



Thanks to Cookie for this story:
Only women of a certain era will fully appreciate this true story. 

A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing in a small new England 
town where Paul Newman and his family often visited. 
  
One Sunday morning, the woman got up early to take a long walk.  After a 
brisk five-mile hike, she decided to treat herself to a double-dip 
chocolate ice cream cone. 
  
She hopped in the car, drove to the center of the village and went 
straight to the combination bakery/ice cream parlor. 
  
There was only one other patron in the store.  Paul Newman, sitting at the
counter having a doughnut and coffee.  The woman's heart skipped a beat 
as her eyes made contact with those famous baby-blue eyes. 
  
The actor nodded graciously and the star struck woman smiled demurely. 
  
Pull yourself together!  She chides herself.  You're a happily married 
woman with three children, you're forty-five years old, not a teenager! 
  
The clerk filled her order and she took the double-dip chocolate ice 
cream cone in one hand and her change in the other.  Then she went out the 
door, avoiding even a glance in Paul Newman's direction. 
  
When she reached her car, she realized that she had a handful of change 
but her other hand was empty.  Where's my ice cream cone?  Did I leave 
it in the store?  Back into the shop she went, expecting to see the cone 
still in the clerk's hand or in a holder on the counter or something.  
No ice cream cone was in sight. 
  
With that, she happened to look over at Paul Newman. His face broke into 
his familiar warm friendly grin and he said to the woman, 
"You put it in your purse." 



Jon lived in Anchorage, Alaska.  Right downtown.  His house
was literally right downtown.  But he had no indoor plumbing.
He did, however, have an outhouse.  The older he got, though,
the further away it seemed to get.

One night, he decided to just skip the trip.  Instead, he
decided to just relieve himself right there off the front porch.

His wife was pretty pissed about his decision.  "Jon, you
moron.  Our neighbors can see you when you do this, you
know."

He'd not given THAT scenario much thought, so he promised
his wife he'd not do it again.

Not too many nights later, though, it turned bitterly cold.
Right in the middle of the night he had to piss like a race
horse.  He got up, put on his slippers, and headed out of the
bedroom to do his business.

He was back in two shakes (so to speak).  His wife,
suspicious as wives are apt to be, said, "You weren't gone
very long."

"That's right."

"You went off the porch again, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did."

"We had a talk about this, remember?  The neighbors could
see you, right.  They'll know it was you and what you're doing
out there."

"Naw, they won't know it's me!  This time I was squatting
down!"


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A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer
about Mad Cow Disease.  "Mr. Brown, do you have any idea
what might be the cause of the disease?"

"Sure.  Do you know the bulls only service the cows once a
year?"

"Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the
relationship between this and Mad Cow?"

"And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?"

"Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?"

"Lady, the point is this:  if I was playing with your boobs
twice a day for half an hour, 
but you got laid only once a year, wouldn't you go mad,
too?"


Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter.

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
AND a Darwin Award goes to James and Jon Herbert in 
Charlotte, North Carolina

Should have known better! 
January 27, 2008 - Charlotte, North Carolina - UPI
 
National Hot Rod Association drag racer Doug Herbert's two 
sons were killed in a car crash in North Carolina, it was 
reported Sunday. 

Herbert's sons, James, 12, and Jon, 18, reportedly were on 
their way to get some breakfast Saturday when they collided 
with an oncoming vehicle while attempting to pass another 
car in Cornelius. 

Both boys died at the scene, while those in the other vehicle 
were treated for non-life-threatening injuries at a local hospital. 

 http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-294133-693060


Thanks to my Roberta for sending this picture:

Erect-Crested penguin
My Family and I spent a wonderful week in Boston and Salem.
Here is one of our Many pictures
Roberta


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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Judy
Re: Windows can't open attachments

Good Morning Webby 
I receive e-mails with attachements. Some of them I cannot open.   
Invalid file type error. Windows does not reconize the file 
and unable to open attachement . I have WindowXP and Internet 
Explore 7.It was suggested  to use Reg Care a free download 
to correct the problem. do you know anythig about Reg Care  
and would it help my problem. Judy 

Dear Judy
If Windows refuses to open an attachment, it quite possibly 
is malicious stuff.

Reg Care won't help you at all, it's probably bad stuff too.

What kinds of attachments do you get, that Windows refuses 
to open ? 

The safest policy nowadays is: When in doubt, dump it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Two Greek virgins get married and go on their honeymoon.
However, they have no idea what there supposed to do once they get to
their hotel room. The newlyweds decide to call his mother and get some
advice on what to do. The mother says that they should sit on the bed
together and snuggle with each other and things should start to happen
from there. The newlyweds start to do this but nothing else happens. He
calls his mother back to find out what to do next. She says they should
take their clothes off, get under the covers in bed, and nature should takes
its course.

The bride and groom take his mother's advice but still nothing. 
He calls his mother a third time. Getting frustrated with the situation she says,
"Listen, just take the biggest thing you have and stick it in her hairiest
thing!" and hangs up on him. 

A few minutes later he reluctantly calls his mother back,
"Well, I have my nose in her armpit. What do I do next?"


Deeli's Kudos

January 4, 2008 - Chicago, Illinois - Reuters
 
A Chicago tavern said on Thursday it will begin selling 
chicken wings coated in one of the world's hottest peppers 
-- a dish so hot that patrons first have to sign a waiver 
agreeing not to sue for injuries. 

Jake Melnick's Corner Tap said the wings made with 
Red Savina pepper will be served with an alarm bell 
for patrons to summon waiters with sour cream, 
milk, sugar and white bread if things get out of hand.

Levy Restaurants, which owns the tavern, said its 
chef d'Cuisine Robin Rosenberg had been working 
on the concept for years but was never sure he'd be 
able to serve it.

"This isn't the right sauce for everyone, but for someone 
out there, this is going to be absolute heaven. Of course, 
for a handful of people, it's going to be hell," he said.

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/0801 ... d_wings_dc



The high-school  cheerleader confessed to her kindly
old Priest that she'd often have sex with her boyfriend in 
the front seat of his car.

"Now my daughter," consoled the Priest, "I'm sure if you 
think about it, you'll know you've been doing something wrong." 

"Yeah, I guess you right." replied the cheerleader. 
"Maybe it would be more comfortable in the back seat."



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
 .
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Save Lemon Rinds 
When you use a lemon, don't throw away the peel. Put it in 
a baggy and toss it in the freezer. Then you will have it 
handy if you encounter a recipe that needs lemon zest. 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended !
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It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA; they had 
just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime. As they 
were uncorking a bottle of champagne, the head scientist 
at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a 
congratulatory phone call from the President of the United 
States. He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it.

"Mr. President," he said, grinning broadly, "after twelve 
years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we 
have finally found intelligent life on Mars." 

He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, 
replaced by a frown.

He said, "But that's impossible we could never do it. 
Yes Mr. President, we will try."
and hung up the phone. 

He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously.

"I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now 
that we've found intelligent life on Mars . . . 
he wants us to try to find it in senators!"


If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
Birds of Australia
.

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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning,  !
Monday,  January 28, 2008


Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
--- Groucho Marx

The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, 
the sensible man hardly anything.
--- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe



The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his 
young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" 
he asked. 

"Sweetheart," she sobbed, "the most terrible thing has happened! 
I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out 
of the oven to season it, and the phone rang.  When I came back 
from answering the phone," she sobbed again.  "I found that the 
cat had eaten it!" 

"Don't worry, darling," said her husband.  "Don't cry. 
We can get a new cat tomorrow." 



One day three redneck couples in a mini van are
heading to Yellowstone National Park on a vacation.
One couple is from Nebraska, one is from Kansas,
and one is from New Jersey. They
stop at a little cafe on the side of the road for
breakfast.

Their waitress serves them their food, and the
husband from Nebraska says, "Could you pass
the honey, Honey?" to whom his wife, hands
over the honey.

Then, the husband from Kansas says, "Could you
pass the sugar, Sugar?" and she passes him the
sugar.

The third husband sits there for a minute, then
looks at his wife and says, "Wanna pass me the
bacon, porky?"


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A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. 
"If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the 
body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against 
it.  But, if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against 
winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public 
coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. 
This is my position, and I will not compromise." 


Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter.

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to the Police administration in England

Six year holiday 
January 27, 2008 - Hampshire, UK - Ananova
A policeman is returning to work after being suspended on full 
pay for more than six years.

PC Gerry Dawson's "gardening leave" has reportedly cost the 
taxpayer more than £200,000.

He was told to stay at home in September 2001 while he was 
investigated for alleged corruption, reports The Sun.

It was two years and three months before he was charged and 
a year and four months later he was cleared by a court.

Another seven months on he was tried again on fresh charges 
but PC Dawson was again cleared. But he stayed suspended 
while bosses launched a misconduct investigation.

After two years they decided they had no case and ordered 
the £32,000-a-year officer back on the beat.

A fellow Hampshire PC joked: "The lads reckon Gerry's garden 
should be good enough to enter in the Chelsea Flower Show."

Last year nearly 300 officers were suspended on full pay at a 
cost of £8million.

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2698054.html?menu=


Thanks to my dad for sending this picture:



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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Fred
Re: Moving mail to flash drive

I may be having a senior moment-  
But how do I save my e-mails to a flash drive????
Thanks in advance--
FRED

Dear Fred
That depends on the email program you use.

With Eudora, you simply drag IN.MBX and IN.TOC onto the 
flash drive, to get whatever you have in the IN mailbox.  
OUT.MBX and OUT.TOC would be your OUT mailbox. And so on.

Different programs use different names, but most have two 
files per mailbox.

If you use a 1 or 2 GB key-fob flash drive, you can easily drag 
all of your mailboxes to and from it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Some helpful rules for better writing:

1.  Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

2.  Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3.  And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

4.  It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5.  Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)

6. Comparisons are as bad as clichs.

7.  Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

8.  Be more or less specific.

9.  Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually)
    unnecessary.

10.  Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

11. No sentence fragments.

12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary;
    it's highly superfluous.

14. One should NEVER generalize.

15. Don't use no double negatives.

16. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

17. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

18. The passive voice is to be ignored.

19. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

20. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

21. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said,
    "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

22. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times:
    Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it
    correctly.


Deeli's Kudos

January 26, 2008 - Painesville, Ohio - UPI
 
A judge in Ohio sentenced a man convicted of stealing a 
Salvation Army kettle to live 24 hours as a homeless person. 

Painesville Municipal Judge Michael Cicconetti gave Nathen 
Smith a choice -- serve a 90-day jail sentence, or live 24 
hours as a homeless man and serve only three days in jail. 

Smith has been outfitted with a global positioning system 
tracker to ensure he doesn't go home or stay with friends 
overnight. The judge also had all of the man's money and 
credit cards confiscated. 

"He was like everyone else who finds themselves out on 
the street," Cicconetti said. "I don't want him to have any 
money on him. I want him to learn. It's not going to hurt to 
be a little cold." 

Weather forecasts for the city predicted the wind chill could 
go as low as 5 below zero overnight. 
http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-293890-982075







The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
 .
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Think Twice About to Rent-To-Own
They offer expensive financing which will cost at least 
double for any products you buy. You are much better 
served by getting a loan from a credit union, using a 
low interest credit card, or better yet, saving money 
every month so you can buy the product outright. 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended !
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When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily 
ruddy complexion, he said, 
"High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family."

"Your mother's side or your father's?" I asked.

"Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family." 
"Oh, come now," the doctor said. 
"How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?"

He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!"


If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
All Season Mix
.

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning,  !
Sunday,  January 27, 2008


The easiest way for your children to learn about money 
is for you to not to have any.
--- Katharine Whitehorn

Fortune does not change men, it unmasks them.
--- Suzanne Necker



The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel
mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly
about the platform, wildy gesturing with one hand
and jerking the mike cord along with the other.

Then he moved to one side, getting wound up
in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it
again.

After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the
third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered,
"If he gets loose, we better run!"



A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter playing
"wedding." The wedding vows went like this:

"You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will
be held against you, you don't have the right to have an 
attorney present, but you may kiss the bride."


, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
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Customer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop: "Give me four of
those pinwheels, two of those pink flamingos, two of the
sunflowers, and one of those bent-over grandma in bloomers."
 
Cashier reply's:  "That'll be eight dollars for the pinwheels,
ten dollars for the flamingos, six dollars for the sunflowers, and
an apology to my wife!"


Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter.

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Tomas Delgado

 
January 25, 2008 - Madrid, Spain - Reuters

Thanks to Ross for this submission

A Spanish driver who collided with a bicyclist is suing the 
dead youth's family $29,300 for the damage the impact of 
his body did to his luxury car.

Businessman Tomas Delgado says 17-year-old Enaitz Iriondo 
caused $20,500 of damage to his Audi A8 in the fatal 2004 
crash in La Rioja region. The youth had been cycling alone at 
night without reflective clothing or a helmet, according to a 
police report cited by El Pais.

Delgado, who has faced no criminal charges for the incident, 
wants a further 6,000 euros to cover the cost of hiring 
another vehicle while his car was being repaired.

"I'm also a victim in all of this, you can't fix the lad's problems, 
but you can fix mine," Delgado said ahead of a January 30 
legal decision on his suit.

The family said they had previously pitied Delgado for the 
guilt he must feel at killing their son but were now disgusted 
that his greatest concern appeared to be money.

http://snipurl.com/1ycbp


Thanks to My dad for sending this picture:

These bloomed today, they are Mammilaria Sanchez


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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Mellie
Re: Extra USB Port

Hi Webby, 
I enjoy your column every day, but lately I've had to enjoy 
it from my work computer. I have discovered the joys of 
flash drives, and use them to save my email til I can get 
home an put them on my personal computer. The problem 
is that my USB ports are on the back of my computer and 
it's hard to reach that area. Is there some sort of thing that 
I can plug into the back of my computer that has USB ports 
on it so I don't have to bend over and tip my CPU every time 
I want to load files to my computer?  
Thanks,  mellie

Dear Mellie
You need a USB hub.
With some shopping around you can find 4 to 7 port 
USB hubs for under $5.
Here is one for $4.75
USB Hub $4.75

You just stick that to the side of the monitor with double 
sided tape, and have 4 USB ports where they are the most 
convenient.

Some hubs come with a cable to reach from the back of
your computer to the monitor, some don't. However, any
USB cable from any, no longer used device will do fine.

Once you have chosen a USB hub, have a look and see what 
kind of cable it needs.
The most common are the AB cables.
A is for the flat male plug
B is for the little house shaped male plug.
A 6 foot long AB cable is usually around $2.50 - $3,
less at garage sales.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

    Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
    100% Guarantee & Free shipping
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If you help a relative in need, he/she will remember you the
next time they are in need.
--- Socratex


Deeli's Kudos

January 25, 2008 - St. Paul, Minnesota - UPI
 
The University of St. Thomas received an anonymous donation 
of $50 million, which the Minnesota university says is one of its 
three largest gifts. 

The donation was given to the university's Opus College of 
Business as part of the St.Paul, Minn., institution's $500 million 
"Opening Doors" capital campaign. University officials said the 
donation will help increase the college's endowment and 
support student scholarships and faculty research. 

Last fall, the university got a $60 million gift from Penny and 
Lee Anderson, owner and chairman of APi Group Inc. 
In 2000, St. Thomas received a $50 million gift from Best Buy 
founder and chairman Richard Schulze and his late wife, Sandra. 
http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-293025-423593



Steve wasn't feeling well and so he went to the doctor to get
himself checked.

After a thorough examination, the doctor said, "Well, Steve,
based on my examination, the best thing for you is to cut out
all sweets and fatty foods, give up alcohol, and stop smoking."

"To be honest with you, Doc," said Steve,  "I don't deserve the
best. What's the SECOND best?"



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
 .
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Track Your Energy Costs with a Home Energy Audit 
An energy audit will show you which areas of your home use 
the most energy and help you decide the most effective way 
to reduce energy costs. You can conduct a simple audit yourself, 
contact your local utility, or call an independent energy 
auditor for a more comprehensive examination. 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended !
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A Sunday School teacher asked her class, "Does anyone know
what we mean by sins of omission?"

A small girl replied, "Aren't those the sins we should have
committed, but didn't?"


If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
All Season Mix
.

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!
   


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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning,  !
Saturday,  January 26, 2008


Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those 
who do not.
--- Thomas Jefferson

Is that why Ted Kennedy, Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton 
want gun control so badly?



Thanks to Rubye for bringing back this Classic:

 A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly 
the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, 
'Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant 
you one wish.'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride 
over anytime I want.'

The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous 
challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach 
the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take..! 
It will nearly exhaust several natural resources.  I can do it, but it is hard 
for me to justify your desire for worldly things.  Take a little more time 
and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time.  Finally, he said, 'Lord, I 
wish that I and all men could understand our wives  I want to know 
how she feels inside what she's thinking when she gives me the silent 
treatment.., why she cries.., what she means when she says: 'Nothing's 
wrong'.., and how I can make a woman truly happy..!'

The Lord replied: 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge? 



Thanks to Sandie for this story:
I was taking a ground school class for private pilots. 
During the session on weather, the instructor wanted to 
discuss the concept of sublimation, which is the act of 
going from a gas to a solid, while skipping the intermediate 
liquid stage. 

As an example, he gave water vapor in the air condensing 
on a windshield to form ice. Wanting to see if the class had 
understood the concept, the instructor asked if anyone could 
provide an example of something that went straight from a 
solid to a gas. 

He was expecting dry ice as the answer when one of the 
students blurted out, "Burritos!" 


, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!


Thanks to Sandie for this story:
I spent 20 minutes explaining life insurance options to one of 
our employees. After reviewing the different plans and monthly 
deductions, he decided to max out, choosing $100,000 worth 
of life insurance. But he had one last question. 

"Now," he said, "what do I have to do to collect the money?"


Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter.

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to 

 
Has No Patience, Now Will Have No Patients ...
 
January 25, 2008 - New York - UPI
A New York physician has been indicted on charges he bilked 
his 92-year-old mother out of nearly $1 million. 

Dr. Robin Motz, 64, who allegedly used power-of-attorney to 
extract money from his ailing mother's accounts, also is 
being investigated to see if he used prescription drugs to 
speed her demise. 

The mother, Minnie Motz, had a career as a librarian but 
was able to amass nearly a million dollars by playing the 
stock market, prosecutors said. 

In 2004, Motz began slowly liquidating his mother's 
investments by writing checks to cover his credit-card bills, 
the Manhattan District Attorney's Office charged. 

Prosecutors said Motz ran up $400,000 in credit-card bills 
by eating out every night, taking $18,000 luxury European 
vacations, and picking up a third wife. 
http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-293023-514565



Thanks to Shirley for sending this picture:

Albino Deer Photographed near Dauphin, Manitoba 
(110 miles or so from Winnipeg). These pictures were 
taken by one of the teachers from the high school in 
Dauphin. He took the pictures while going home from work. He 
lives in Onanole and travels through the park every day. 
This deer apparently has been seen before but never 
photographed.


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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Lee
Re: Another registry cleaner

Hi Webby,
Enjoy your newsletter.'I have a question. Are you familiar 
with a software program called "Advenced Cleaner"?
If so, is it effective, and is there any cost involved with it. 
Will it interfere with any other cleaning programs I have 
unstalled such as window washer, or Quick clean?
The company website does not have a phone number, 
etc. so cannot talk to anyone live.
Thank you,
Lee 

Dear Lee
Dear Lee
I am not familiar with that program.
Windows seems to work just fine without it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

    Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
    100% Guarantee & Free shipping
    Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
    Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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Q. How many sorority girls does it take to screw in a
   lightbulb?
A. Sorority girls don't screw in lightbulbs, silly -- they
   prefer couches, carpets and broom closets


Deeli's Kudos

January 19, 2008 - Brevard County, Florida
Thanks to Dianne for this submission 
 
Retired Army Green Beret Smokey Taylor got his court martial 
this weekend and came away feeling good about it.

Taylor, at age 80, is the oldest member of Chapter XXXIII of 
the Special Forces Association. He was on trial by his peers 
under the charge of failing to use a weapon of sufficient 
caliber in the shooting of an intruder at his home in Knoxville, 
TN, in December.

Taylor had been awakened in the early morning hours of 
Dec. 17, 2007, when an intruder broke into his home. Then 
the intruder threatened him with a knife, Taylor warned him, 
then brought his .22 caliber pistol to bear and shot him right 
between the eyes.

That boy had the hardest head I've ever seen, Taylor said 
after his trial. The bullet bounced right off.

The impact knocked the would-be thief down momentarily. 
He crawled out of the room then got up and ran out the door 
and down the street. Knoxville police apprehended him a 
few blocks away and he now awaits trial in the Knox County 
jail.

Charges were brought against Taylor under the premise that 
he should have saved the county and taxpayers the expense 
of a trial, could have used a .45 or .38. The .22 just wasn't 
enough to get the job done.

Following testimony from both sides, Taylor was acquitted 
of the charges and was given a round of applause.

After the trial new information was given that the perp had 
soiled his pants as he crawled out of the house.

Meanwhile, back in Knox County, the word is out: Don’t go 
messing with Smokey Taylor. He just bought a whole bunch 
of fresh ammo.



Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, 
and didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too:

"A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry."
she told him.

"Really?" asked the boyfriend, "And just how many men 
are you intending to marry?"



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
 .
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keeping Paint Off Hinges 
It can be difficult to put masking tape on hinges to keep 
paint off them. Instead, cover them with petroleum jelly. 
Any paint that gets on them will be easy to wipe off, 
even after the paint dries. 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended !
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Little Susan was mother's helper.  She helped set the table
when company was due for dinner.  Presently everything was
on, the guest came in, and everyone sat down.  Then Mother
noticed something was missing.

"Susan," she said, "You didn't put a knife and fork at Mr.
Smith's place."

"I thought he wouldn't need them," explained Susan.  "Daddy
says he always eats like a horse!"


If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog


Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link:
Festival Net
.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!
   


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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning,  !

Friday,  January 25, 2008
Wear something red to show your support for the troops!



Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.
--- Author unknown



Thanks to Angela for bringing back this classic:

Yesterday I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog 
chow for my dog and was about to check out. 
 
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think 
I had? PIGEONS since I'm retired, with little to do? 
I told her that no I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the 
Purina Diet again. I explained that I probably shouldn't be going 
back on this diet because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, 
although I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive 
care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and 
IVs in both arms. 
 
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that 
the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with 
Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you 
feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so 
I was going to try it again. 

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line 
was by now enthralled with my story). 
 
Horrified , she asked if I ended up in intensive care because 
the dog food poisoned me. 
I told her no; that I had stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish 
Setter's butt and a car hit us both. 
 
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart 
attack, he was laughing so hard! 



An elderly woman walked into a liquor store with two guns,
pointed them at the shop-keeper and said "Give me six bottles
of scotch whiskey, all the money in the till, and then I want
you to take me into your storeroom and make love to me."

The shopkeeper got her the six bottles of scotch, emptied the
money from the till into the old woman's handbag, and then
went with her into the storeroom and made love to her.

In the excitement the old lady dropped the guns on the floor.
The shop-keeper paused a moment, then said "Madam, could you
please pick up your guns again, I'm expecting my wife to
arrive any minute."


, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
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When Bush was visiting Israel he met the Israeli Prime Minister.

In classic Bush style, the U.S. President offers a gift to his
guest.
"Here you go, says Bush.  "Try out this shiny new Cadillac.  It's
their finest model."

"Thank you, Mr. President, but I can not accept this magnificent gift."
replies the Prime Minister.

"Oh.  I understand about gift limits.  Ok then ... give me a half dollar
for it. Then it won't be a gift." replies Bush.

The Prime Minister gives Bush a dollar.

"I don't have any change ... too bad" says the President.

"No big deal... you'll just give me two Cadillacs" retorts the Prime
Minister.


Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter.

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Gregory Scott Hinkle, 53, of Davis, West Virginia

Not clued in to Airport procedures 
January 23, 2008 - Washington - CNN

Thanks to Ross for this submission.
A passenger who went through an airport security checkpoint, 
before remembering that he had a loaded gun, is facing charges 
after going back to report his error.

Gregory Scott Hinkle, 53, of Davis, West Virginia, went 
through a Transportation Security Administration checkpoint 
at Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport about 7:30 a.m.
The TSA contacted airport police, who charged the man with 
possessing or transporting a firearm into an air carrier 
terminal where prohibited, a misdemeanor, and released him. 
He is scheduled to appear April 2 in Arlington County, Virginia, 
General District Court.

A TSA spokesman said the agency reviewed airport surveillance 
camera videos of the incident and removed the screener from 
security duties while an investigation is under way.

"Appropriate actions will be taken once the investigation is 
complete," spokesman Christopher White said.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/01/23/airpor ... =hpmostpop



Thanks to alert reader Roland for spotting this ad:

Picking potatoes from the top, while they are in flower?


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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Donny
Re: Open Office or Google?

Thank you again for your newsletter and for your help in 
the past. I am just wondering if you know whether or not 
"Google Spreadsheets and Documents" are as good as 
"Open Office".
 
I am now running Vista Home Premium with MS Office 2000 
and can no longer get updates so I'm considering changing.
Also. will these other programs read my previously created 
documents (Word, Excel) and allow editing of them ?
 
Any advice would be helpful and a reply would be appreciated - 
I will, however, watch the newsletter; which I am getting with 
no problems in Gmail.
 
Thank you,
Donny

Dear Donny
Google spreadsheets and documents are in Google format, 
and stored on Google, so that collaborators can work on them 
from various locations.

While that may be handy for some specific tasks, it's not really 
what you need.

Open Office uses OPEN format, totally independent of the type 
of machine or operating system. It can read your WORD DOC and 
Excel stuff and even save in that format 

Converting to Open Office is totally painless and there is no need 
to get rid of M$ Office. It is a huge program, though, and will take 
a while to download. But it is well worth it!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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When John died, his wife put the usual death notice in the
paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.

No sooner were the papers delivered than a good friend of
the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very
well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea."

Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course
I knew he died of diarrhea.  But it was his last wish, 
for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather
than just full of crap, like he always was."


Deeli's Kudos

January 22, 2008 - Pemberton, New Jersey - UPI

A dog stolen with its owner's Jeep Cherokee outside a South 
Jersey convenience store was back home Saturday. 

Princess, a 7-month-old mix of Pekingese and Chihuahua, 
was turned over to an animal shelter in Pennsauken by 
someone who found her whimpering on the street Friday, 
WCAU-TV reported. The shelter's name, Almost Home, 
proved prophetic for Princess. 

Susan Fishman left the motor running when she stopped at a 
convenience store in Hanover because she did not want the 
dog to get cold. During the few minutes she was in the store, 
someone drove off in the Jeep. 

The car thief remains unknown, but a security camera at the 
store taped the theft. The Jeep was recovered in Camden. 



Q.      What do you call a redneck couple with only two kids, each?
A.      Newlyweds.



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
 .
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Writing Notes on the Bathroom Mirror
When I need to do something in the AM, I jot a note on the 
bathroom mirror with a dry-erase marker at night. I see it 
as I am dressing and brushing teeth, and I can then wipe 
it off the mirror with a tissue. 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
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Thanks to Kati for this story:

One day, Johnny Jones was walking down Main Street when 
he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup.                                          
                                                                            
Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.                                   
                                                                            
Bubba, where'd ya git dat truck?!?"                                        
                                                                            
"Tina gived it to me" Bubba replied

"She gived it to ya?

"I know'd she wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?"
           
"Well, Johnny, let me tell you what happened. We wuz drivin' 
out on County Road 301, in the middle of nowheres.

Tina pulled off the road, put the truck in four-wheel drive, 
and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, 
threw off all her clothes and said, 
'Bubba, take whatever you want.'  So I took the truck! "                           
                               
"Bubba, yore a smart man! Her clothes woulda never fit ya


If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
Getty Gallery
.

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!
   


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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning,  !
Thursday,  January 24, 2008


You can set yourself up to be sick, 
or you can choose to stay well. 
— Wayne Dyer

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is 
the belief that one's work is terribly important.
--- Bertrand Russell



Thanks to Martin for this story:
A 3-year-old tells all  
 
One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and 
my brother who is four years older than I am. I was maybe 1 and a 
half years old and had just recovered from an accident in 
which my arm had been broken among other injuries.  
 
Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift 
and it was one of my favourite toys. Daddy was in the living 
room engrossed in the evening news and my brother was 
playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a 
little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups 
of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came 
home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch 
me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest 
thing!!' 
My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the 
hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink 
it up, then says, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place 
that baby can reach to get water is the toilet??' 

And sure enough........!!! 



The psychiatrist was holding a group consultation with three young
mothers and their small children.

"You all have obsessions," he told them.

To the first one, he said, "Your obsession is eating. Why you've even
named your daughter Candy."

The second, he said, was obsessed by money. "Again, it manifests
itself in your child's name, Penny."

At this point, the third mother arose and, taking her little boy by
the hand, whispered,   "Let's go, Peter."


, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!


Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin 
when she met up with Father Flaherty. 
The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan 
and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband 2 years ago?' 
She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.' 
The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?' 
She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.' 
The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and 
I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband.' 
She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father.' 
They then parted ways. 
Some years later they met again. 
The Father asked, 'Well now, Mrs. Donovan , how are ye these days?' 
She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!' 
The Father asked, 'And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?' 
She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and 4 singles, 10 in all!' 
The Father said, 'That's wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?' 
She replied, 'E's gone to Rome 
to blow up yer fookin' candle.'


Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter.

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to the dog stealing Mayor of Alice, Texas

Not the ideal dog sitter! 
January 20, 2008 - Alice, Texas - AP

Mayor Grace Saenz-Lopez was indicted Friday on two felony 
counts of tampering with physical evidence related to a dog 
her neighbours say she took from them. 

Mayor Grace Saenz-Lopez had agreed to take care of Puddles 
while Rudy Gutierrez and Shelly Cavazos were on vacation 
over the summer. A day after they left, she called to say 
the dog was dead, but three months later a relative of 
Cavazos saw Puddles - renamed Panchito - at a dog groomer. 

Puddles' family sued and filed a criminal complaint, but the 
case took a new turn Monday when the mayor filed a police 
report saying the dog was missing. 

A television crew found the dog 15 kilometres from Alice in 
Ben Bolt, at the home of Mayor Grace Saenz-Lopez's twin, 
Graciela Garcia. Garcia said a "mysterious lady" had found 
the dog and dropped it off. 

http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2 ... 64-ap.html


Thanks to the many who sent this picture:



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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: many
Re: Free Anti Virus programs


A lot of people wrote in and reported that AVG seems to
be working fine for them, even on old ME systems.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

    Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
    100% Guarantee & Free shipping
    Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
    Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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Thanks to Jai for this story:
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race come 
about?"

The mother answered: "God made Adam and Eve and they 
had children and so all  mankind was made."

Two days later she asks her father the same question. 
The father answered: "Many years ago there were monkeys,
and we developed from them."

The confused girl returns to her mother and says: "Mom, 
how is it possible that you told me that the human race was 
created by God and Papa says we developed from monkeys?"

The mother answers: "Well dear, it is very simple. 
I told you about the origin of my side of the family, 
and your father told you about his side." 


Deeli's Kudos

January 16, 2008 -Chicago, Illinois - UPI
 
Five former federal prosecutors are asking Illinois' governor 
to order DNA testing for a man they believe was wrongfully 
convicted of murder. 

Johnnie Lee Savory of Peoria, Ill., was convicted in 1977 of 
double murder when he was 14 years old. 

The former prosecutors and other supporters say Savory, 
who has been released on parole and now lives in Chicago, 
was denied the right to post-conviction DNA testing in Illinois 
when it is relevant to a claim of actual innocence. They are 
asking Gov. Rod Blagojevich to order the testing in the 
context of a clemency proceeding. 

http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-289092-464908



Moshe Rosenberg is a new recruit in the British Army.
One day an officer asked him "What is your name?"

"Moshe Rosenberg" he replied.

The officer responded "You must say 'Sir' when you answer an 
officer of the British Army.  What is your name?"

"Sir Moshe Rosenberg."



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
 .
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cleaning With Salt 
A paste of salt and vinegar help clean tarnished brass or 
copper. You can cover spilled juice or wine with salt to 
absorb much of the stain. Soaking washable fabrics in 
salt water will help remove many stubborn stains. 
For cleaning purposes use plain salt not iodized salt. 

Cast iron frying pans and Woks that have an age old 
"seasoning" or oil patina can be safely cleaned with salt,
without endangering the patina or enraging the chef.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended !
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Bill was attending an outdoor music concertwith a young woman 
he had recently begun dating. Standing at the back of the crowd, 
they wrapped their arms around each other, swaying to the music. 
After a particularly romantic song, his date turned to face him. 
With a loving smile, she said, "I wish we were closer..."

Totally thrilled, he looked into her eyes and whispered, 
"Do you mean our houses or our friendship?"

Puzzled, she replied, "No, you dummy! ...To the stage."


If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
Curves
.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!
   


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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby

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Dear Webby: Free Anti Virus Programs 

Wednesday, January 23, 2008, 04:01 AM

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning,  !
Wednesday,  January 23, 2008


"It's cold here in the Northeast. You have to dress in layers   
when it's this cold. For instance, right now I'm wearing two   
hairpieces." 
--- David Letterman  



Jones is driving past the state mental hospital
when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Jones
is changing the tire, another car goes by, running
over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping
the lug nuts. the nuts are all knocked into a
nearby storm drain.

Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to
go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind
the hospital fence, where one of the inmates has
been watching the whole thing.

"Hey, pal! Why don't you just take one lug nut off
each of the other three wheels? That'll hold your
tires on until you can get to a garage or something."

Jones is startled by the patient's seeming rationality,
but realizes the plan will work, and installs the spare
tire without incident. Before he leaves, he calls
back to the patient. "You know, that was pretty
sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?"

The patient smiles and says, "I'm in here because
I'm crazy, not because I'm stupid."



The new patient was sharing his woes with an understanding
doctor: "After the first, I'm usually tired and winded, Doc.
After the second, my chest aches and I start getting pains
in my legs. After the third, I feel like fainting and it
takes half-an-hour for my heart and respiration to return
to normal."

"Why don't you quit after the first?" inquired the doctor.

"How can I do that, Doc?" said the patient. "I live on the
third."


, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!


Thanks to Sandie for this story:
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash 
his sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 
"What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied.  "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "Just do it!!"


Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter.

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to 

Wrong time and place 
January 22, 2008 - Fargo, North Dakota - UPI
 
A North Dakota man was cited for a snow emergency parking violation, 
in St. Paul, Minnesota, for a car he hasn't used in decades. 

Actually, Brian Nelson of Fargo received a notice that he was tardy in 
paying the $50 parking fine from December and would be assessed 
penalties until the matter was resolved. 

One small problem: The ticket was issued against his 1941 Ford, 
which hasn't seen the road in years, having been stored in Nelson's 
garage. 

"It's just nuts," Nelson said. 

He called St. Paul officials, who told him he either needed to appear 
in person or pay the fine. St. Paul is about 250 miles from Fargo. 

Then Nelson contacted KARE-TV, which spoke with a city official 
who said the matter could be corrected with a phone call. 
"Somebody made a mistake," the official said.
 
http://www.arcamax.com/weirdnews/s-289758-968979





just for you, here is the 2008 snow angel


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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Sharon
Re: Free Anti Virus programs

Dear Webby, 
I have been reading your letter for several years now & 
really do enjoy a fresh way to start the day. 
I love the good clean jokes & some wonderful pictures. 
Also your tech dept has been very useful. Thanks, ever so much.
I am curious about what you know about the free" avast" 
antivirus" program & free "avg antivirus" program.
Thanks so much for all the help.
Sharon

Dear Sharon
Those free anti-virus programs are definitely better than 
nothing at all.
Personally, I consider paying $30 a year to McAfee well worth it.
It all depends on how much your data is worth to you.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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A church had a man in the choir who could not sing. Several people hinted
to him that he could serve in other places, but he continued to come to the
choir. The choir director became desperate and went to the pastor.

"You've got to get that man out of the choir," he said. "If you don't, I am
going to resign and the choir members are going to quit too. Please do
something."

So the pastor went to the man and suggested, 
"Perhaps you should leave the choir."

"Why should I get out of the choir?" he asked.

"Well, five or six people have told me that you can't sing."

"That's nothing," the man snorted. 
"Fifty people have told me that you can't preach!"


Deeli's Kudos

January 22, 2008 - Newport News, Virginia - Gimundo
 
Atlanta Falcons player Michael Vick's mansion was the site of 
unspeakable atrocities against our favorite four-legged friends. 
Now, with Vick spending some well-earned time in the Big House, 
his dog-fighting operation has finally been shut down for good, 
and the Newport News, Virginia house where he based his 
operation is vacant and up for sale. 

Michael Morford, the founder of a nonprofit group called Jalie's 
Butterflies, has initiated The Vick House Project – a plan to 
raise money in donations to purchase the house, and then 
convert it into an animal shelter for abused and mistreated dogs. 

According to the nonprofit's website it is simply "a chance to 
give back to the spirit of the animals that were harmed. It is 
a chance for animal lovers to contribute to a noble cause. 
It is a chance to create a happy final chapter to a sordid and 
tragic tale."
http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/8 ... al_Shelter



Thanks to Millie for this one:
My husband, sons, and I had stopped to take in a spectacular
sunset and were on our way back to our car when four Buddhist
monks walked by.

When our sons asked about them, I explained, "Their life is
a quest for enlightenment."

"I wonder what kind of car they drive," my husband said and
jokingly suggested, "A Ford Focus?"

"Or a Honda Odyssey," I said.

The monks got into a Pathfinder.



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
 .
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Canned Cream Soups
Cream soups, like cream of mushrooms, make easy sauces for 
vegetables, sauces and casserole filling. Stock up on cream 
soups when they are sale, they are a great time saving 
staple to have in your pantry. 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended !
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:




GROAN ALERT!
(Some of you may have to read this one out loud, to get it.)

Mrs. O'Malley arrived in Boston from Ireland, and in no time at all her
bean soup made her the talk of New England society. At a party
celebrating the sale of her recipe to a fancy Charles Street restaurant,
an old matron approached Mrs. O'Malley and said, "My dear girl, what is
the secret of your soup?" 

Mrs. O'Malley said, "The secret o' me soup is that I use but 
two-hundred thirty-nine beans to make it." 

The woman said, "Why only two-hundred thirty-nine?" 

Mrs. O'Malley said, "Because one more would make it too farty."


If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
Harbin 2008 Ice and Snow sculptures
.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!
   


Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter


Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby

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