Dear Webby: Fake FBI alert 

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Good Morning,  !
Wednesday,  February 13, 2008
ONE day till GUILT day!

On the global warming hoax: It's all because of Bush's poor energy policy, that the people listened to and believed Al Gore! --- Hillary Clinton
Thanks to Dave for this story: A middle-aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, "How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Am I too flat, or is it my face?" "No, ma'am," explained the officer, "it's your foot."

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It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not next to him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. But, shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch. The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer. "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?" The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm." "What was that?" the old man asked. Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm." "Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you're saying." The boy spit the bait into his hand and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tina D. Williams, 46, from St Augustine, Florida Wrong priorities! February 8, 2008 - St. Augustine, Florida - UPI A Florida mother was arrested after police found her driving with beer buckled in the front seat but her toddler unrestrained in the back seat, a report said. Tina D. Williams, 46, faces charges of drunken driving, child abuse, possession of drug paraphernalia, and driving without a license after officers stopped her for running a red light Sunday, the Jacksonville Florida Times-Union reported Tuesday. Amber Tedrick, 20, reportedly was in the back seat of the car next to Williams' unrestrained 16-month-old daughter. When police asked Williams, who smelled of alcohol, why the toddler was not buckled in, she said she did not know, a police report said. Police reportedly found a 24-pack of Busch beer buckled into the passenger seat and two pipes typically used for drug purposes in Williams' purse.
Thanks to Martin for sending this picture: The real cause of global warming and of the North Pole melting and being towed over to Russia as a tourist attraction, is not the hot air from the primaries, and it's not from the Canucks cussing about the coldest winter since 1959, no, the real cause is the Chinese exporting too many cheap MP3 players to the polar bears!
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Connie Re: FBI Alert Dear Webby, You might want to post this in your newsletter for all subscribers to read and be aware of when opening their email. This came in today through an enewspaper I receive each day. I have sent this message to all my addys, but it needs to be read by many more. Connie R FBI Internet Alert: Beware Valentine E-Card blah, blah, blah.... Dear Connie You got duped by a silly AOLer. The FBI Does not compete with McAfee, Norton, AVG, etc. and does not announce 3 year old viruses. The Storm Worm is old hat and has long ago become obsolete, because even the simplest anti-virus program recognizes it. If somebody claims that the FBI, AOL, IBM, Microsoft, CNN or the national Enquirer issued an alert, then you know it is a hoax. Go to or or any of the 50,000 or so legitimate postcard sites listed at, and send yourself a test card. You can make it as mushy as you want. That will generate a legitimate postcard pick-up notice. After that you will be able to instantly tell a legitimate postcard notice from a fake one. Phony alerts like that are as stupid as telling people not to accept ANY money, because some hillbilly got caught printing $12 bills and some yahoos got stuck with them. DUH! Open your eyes and use common sense, and you won't have any problem with fake postcards or $12 bills. Have FUN! DearWebby
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It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's abilities. In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!"

Deeli's Kudos February 9, 2008 - Manchester, UK - Daily Mail Like most playgrounds, it is filled with smiling faces and laughter. But these faces have seen more of life than you might expect, and the laughter is a little more mature in tone. Britain's first playground for the over-60s opened in Manchester on Feb 2. Instead of slides and roundabouts, it is equipped with machines specially designed to provide gentle exercise for different parts of the body such as hips, legs and torso. The Massage offers upper body exercise, the Skate trains leg muscles, the Ski works the hips, while the Press tones the stomach and legs. There are also stations for pull-ups, push-ups and pedalling and, to stretch the mind as well as the body, engravings of quotes from famous philosophers dotted around the park. The playground, based on a German idea, was built by the residents' association in Dam Head Park, Blackley. It cost 15,000 and was funded by the local housing management company. Residents' association chairman Joan FitzGerald said: "When we tested it all the people we took in were over 70 and I have never heard so much laughing. I believe you are never too old to play and this also helps keep you fit." ... ge_id=1770

AKRON, OH - According to 44-year-old Karen Kershaw of Akron, the price of a used truck is $600 cash plus two sexual favors and four cartons of cigarettes (yes, cigarettes). These were the amounts to be paid to Rick Remmy, 39, only in the end she didn't get the truck. Now they're in Small Claims Court, where Karen wants her money back. A handwritten agreement outlined the values to be assigned to each item or act and bore what appeared to be Remmy's name at the bottom. Kershaw is asking for her money back and $14,700 in punitive damages because of the embarrassment she has suffered in having to file the lawsuit. A Municipal Judge is expected to rule in the next week whether the "contract" is legitimate and whether Kershaw should be tried for prostitution.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Storing Potatoes Store potatoes in a cool (40F), dark place for months. Do not allow potatoes to freeze. Potatoes should be stored in a bin that is at least a few inches off the ground but not piled more than 18 inches deep. Where I grew up, most houses had a potato cellar that had at least a quarter of the floor just packed dirt. The rest, and walkways were concrete or boardwalks. Folk wisdom said that potatoes needed the gases emerging from the earth, otherwise they would not last until the next harvest. The potatoes were in wooden bins sitting on 2x4's. That trick worked fine for us and we always still had some old potatoes, when we started harvesting the new ones. Even if you can't grow potatoes, it's still worth storing them if you have a basement. By spring potatoes in the store often cost three times as much as at harvest time. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

Only ONE more day until GUILT DAY ! If you forget Valentines Day, you will be shown the meaning of guilt! Don't feel mushy and romantic? Don't worry ! Go to and send, or PRE-send a funny cuPIG card. You can PRE-send cards now, while you remember, to arrive on Guilt Day. By the way, if you DO feel mushy, you can send traditional, cute and mushy Valentines cards from Hicards too.
The Korean War, in which the Marine Corps fought and won some of its most brutal battles, was not without its gallows humor. During one such conflict, a ROK (Republic of Korea) commander, whose unit was fighting with the Marines, called Chesty Puller, the legendary Marine warrior, to report a major Chinese attack in his sector. "How many Chinese are attacking you?" asked Puller. "Many, many Chinese!" replied the excited Korean officer. "G*ddammit!" swore Puller, "Put my Marine liaison officer on the radio." In a minute, an American voice came over the air: "Yes sir?" "Lieutenant," growled Chesty, "exactly how many Chinese you got up there?" "Colonel, we got a whole shitpot of Chinese up here!" "Thank God," exclaimed Puller, "at least there's someone up there who knows how to count!"

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Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Air Show Action
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby

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