Dear Webby: UBE false alarm 

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Good Morning,  !
Friday,  February 22, 2008
Wear something red to show your dupport for the troops!

Success is important only to the extent that it puts one in a position to do more things one likes to do. --- Sarah Caldwell
Thanks to Connie for this story: Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!" "Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"

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Miss Suzie was teaching her class about whales...she told the class that although whales are the largest creatures on earth they have really small mouths and can only swallow krill and other small sea creatures. Little Johnny immediately stood up and told the teacher she was wrong. The teacher asked why? Little Johnny explained that Jonah was swallowed by a whale in the Bible. The teacher told Little Johnny that was impossible as a whales mouth is much to small. Little Johnny argued that if it was in the Bible then it was true... but the teacher stood her ground. Little Johnny told her that when he went to heaven he would ask Jonah himself...and then the teacher asked Little Johnny what if Jonah went to hell? To which Little Johnny replied..."Then you can ask him!" An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket girl said, "Sir, what is that on your shoulder?" The old farmer said, "That is my pet rooster, Chuckie. Wherever I go, Chuckie goes." "I'm sorry, Sir," said the ticket girl, "We can't allow animals in the theater. Not even a pet chicken." The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the chicken down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old emergency room nurses named Mildred and Marge. The movie started and the chicken began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants so Chuckie could stick his head out and watch the movie. "Marge," whispered Mildred. "What?" said Marge. "I think the guy next to me is a pervert." "What makes you think so?" asked Marge. "He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out," whispered Mildred. "Well, don't worry about it," said Marge, "At our age we've seen them all." "Yes," said Mildred, "But this one's eating my popcorn!"
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to environmental protesters in Palm Beach County, Fla. Bonehead to the 'Greens' Kudo to the Sheriff February 21. 2008 - Palm Beach, Florida - UPI The sheriff in Palm Beach County, Fla., is dismissing complaints from environmental protesters who were arrested during a demonstration this week. "Did they expect that they were going to the Ritz-Carlton day spa?" scoffed Sheriff Ric Bradshaw. "No. It's a jail," Nearly 30 protesters were arrested in Palm Beach Monday for blocking traffic at an aggregate mine and a Florida Power-and-Light construction site. The incarcerated greens promptly issued complaints of being brutalized and denied food. The Palm Beach Post said Bradshaw said the accusations were false and that some of the arrestees had refused to cooperate with the jailers. He also said booking photos and videotapes confirmed that no abuse had taken place.
Thanks to Cookie for this picture: Check Your Children's Homework!!!!
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Angel Re: UBE Dear Webby, What is this all about? Subject: Considered UNSOLICITED BULK EMAIL, apparently from you From: "Content-filter at" Date: Wed, 20 Feb 2008 11:07:48 +0200 (SAST) X-Virus-Scanned: ClamAV using ClamSMTP A message from to: -> was considered unsolicited bulk e-mail (UBE). Angel Dear Angel The NOI (Ninjas Of Ineptitude) at censored your subscription, because it had educational content. Please tell the NOI to whitelist, because the subject line and the Tech Support Pits column frequently have educational information about avoiding undesired email or software. Try to use small words and explain to them, that mail, which is about how to avoid bad stuff, is not bad stuff. Have FUN! DearWebby

When my son first start dating he said, "I want to marry a good woman, a smart woman, one who'll be a good mother to our kids, a woman who will make me happy, a woman who is beautiful." I told him he'd better make up his mind.

Deeli's Kudos February 21, 2008 - Phoenix, Arizona - AP A cat named Meatloaf who took a 3-week cross-country ride locked in a storage container is headed home to Florida. Arizona Humane Society officials say the 2-year-old gray cat apparently crawled into the large locker in Pompano Beach, Fla. as a man loaded it for a move to Phoenix. The container spent time in a Florida warehouse and on a semitrailer before being delivered to a company's Phoenix facility. A worker heard a cat meowing inside the container late Tuesday and found him hungry and thirsty but unharmed. The man who was moving remembered a similar cat near his old apartment. Meatloaf's owners had put up posters around their neighborhood and the apartment manager recalled them when Humane Society called. Spokeswoman Kim Noetzel says Meatloaf lost about half his body weight and they'll give him some time to recover before flying him home. ... e-trek.htm

Morris a young Jewish lad entered Notre Dame to play football. At the end of the season, he returned home. As luck would have it, he ran into his Rabbi at the airport. The rabbi asked, "Are they trying to convert you at Notre Dame ?" The youngster said, "Of course not, Father!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Longer Life for Your Carpet - Vacuum Regularly Dirt helps wear down the fibers in your carpet. Vacuum regularly and place a welcome mat at your home's entrances. Also consider a "no shoes" policy. High traffic areas can often use vacuuming once a day while low traffic areas can be vacuumed a couple of times a week. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

The Navy always tries to discourage "sick call" to keep the sailors on duty. Two Corpsmen were standing around when a new Seaman entered Sick Bay. The sailor asked if the ship's doctor was any good. "Good?" said one Corpsman. "He doesn't fool around at all. A guy came in with foot cramps and the doc cut off his foot." "And remember the guy with erysipelas?" asked the second Corpsman. "The doc lobbed off his right ear." The sailor turned a pale shade of green and said, "I'll be back later. I've just got a mild case of jock itch."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Pixel Shooter
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby

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