Dear Webby: Which computer now? 

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Good Morning,  !

Saturday,  March 29, 2008

Instruction does much, but encouragement does everything. --- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The Frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!" The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to." The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine." So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, I'd like to have triplets."
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Determined to have one last, lazy day of fishing before the end of the Easter break, I purposely ignored the leaky faucet and the broken gate. They were only household projects that had awaited me all winter. When my wife asked, "What are you going to do today?" I grinned and answered, "It starts with F and ends with ISH." "Oh, good," she replied. "You're finally going to FinISH up those projects!"
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mandy Hamlin, "37" from Texas Beeping Whiner March 28, 2008 - Texas - AP A Texas woman who said she was forced to remove a nipple barbell with pliers in order to board an airplane called for an apology by federal security agents and a civil rights investigation. Hamlin, 37, said she was trying to board a flight on Feb. 24 when she was scanned by a Transportation Security Administration agent after passing through a larger metal detector. Hamlin said she told the woman she was wearing nipple piercings. The agent said she would have to remove whatever was causing beeps. Hamlin said she could not remove them and asked whether she could instead display her pierced breasts in private to the female agent. But was told she could not board her flight until she stopped beeping. She was taken behind a curtain and managed to remove one bar-shaped piercing but had trouble with the second. Crying, she informed the TSA officer that she could not remove it without the help of pliers, and the officer gave a pair to her. On its Web site, the TSA warns that passengers "may be additionally screened because of hidden items such as body piercing, which alarm the metal detector." Hamlin said she might consider legal action if the TSA does not apologize. ... amp;page=2 ----------------------------- Not likely that the TSA will change procedures. A beep indicates iron or magnetizable metal. Pointing to used printer parts hanging visibly in front does not ensure that there are no boxcutter blades elsewhere. By the way, jewelry metal usually does not cause any beeps. Keep the used printer hardware in the checked luggage, not in the bra!

Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Nital Re: What computer do you recommend? Dear Webby, Please tell me what brand of computer you do recommend? We are getting 4" of snow today very late for us, must be global warming. Thank you Nita Dear Nita We got 2" of that white Global Warming Remedy last night. It seems Mother Nature is trying to give the Algorian sheep a few more hints. If I had to get a new computer now, I would get a DELL, with 3 year next-day on-site repair/replace warranty. I realize that that warranty adds $200 to the cost of the machine, but if something fails, I simply tell them that THEY have a problem. As long as it is on next-day warranty, THEY have to scramble. Except when a problem happens on a Friday evening, they do show up the next day and start swapping parts until everything is like new. With heavy use like my machines get, it is reasonable to expect that something wears out within 3 years. But that is THEIR problem '-) I used to build and sell computers in the 80's and 90's, but there is no way I can do it as cheaply as Dell, especially considering the time to install and set up the OS and software. DearWebby

The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet. She had been told the combination, but couldn't quite remember it. Finally, she went to the pastor's study and asked for help. The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial. After the first two numbers he paused and stared blankly for a moment. Finally, he looked serenely heavenward and his lips moved silently. Then he looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the final number, and opened the lock. The teacher was amazed, "I'm in awe of your faith, pastor." "It's really nothing," he answered. "The number is written on a piece of tape on the ceiling."

Deeli's Kudos March 25, 2006 - Camas, Washington - UPI Police in Camas, Wash., said a 66-year-old woman chased down and wrestled a 22-year-old armed robber to the ground. Joshua Crowley was arrested on suspicion of armed robbery after he allegedly held up a Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise at knifepoint. A store clerk dialed 911 immediately after the suspect exited the fast-food restaurant and the manager ran outside and alerted drive-through customers and passersby that the store had been robbed and pointed out the suspect as he fled. Mary Chamberlain, 66, one of the motorists alerted by the manager, followed Crowley in her car before exiting the vehicle and confronting the suspect, police said. She wrestled Crowley to the ground. Police arrived within minutes and arrested the robber. Copyright 2008 by United Press International

A retired four-star general ran into his former orderly, also retired, in a Manhattan bar and spent the rest of the evening persuading him to come work for him as his valet. "Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the army," the general said. "Nothing to it-you'll catch on again fast." Next morning promptly at eight o'clock, the ex-orderly entered the ex-general's bedroom, pulled open the drapes, gave the general a gentle shake, strode around the other side of the bed, spanked his employer's wife on her bottom and said, "OK, sweetheart, it's back to the village for you."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Children's Books on Tape If you have children or grandchildren a neat gift you can make is a book on tape. Tape yourself reading a children's book. Include announcements about when to turn the page. Then give the tape or CD, along with the book as a present. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

A man told his friend, "I haven't been feeling very well, so I visited the doctor yesterday." His friend was concerned and asked, "Did he find out what you had?" "Almost," answered the man. "What do you mean by 'almost'?" asked his friend. "Well," the man continued, "I had $76.50 and he charged me $75.00."

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Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Black Lights
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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