Dear Webby: Can't get the mail out 

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Sunday,  March 30, 2008

Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway. --- Elbert Hubbard Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age. --- William Feather
Thanks to Bob for this story: I dont know how funny this is when you werent there, but it was hysterical at the time. When Bart (my son) was getting his first radiation treatment, he expressed concern at the radiation to other parts of his body - citing the example of the lead shield at the dentist. They gave him a great long speech about how perfected the radiation equipment was that it wouldnt irradiate anywhere but the pinpoint precision area that they were targeting and not to worry about a thing. They went on and on about it then said "ok excuse us while we go down the hall behind the lead shield."
A policeman stops a speeding car and tells the woman driver: "When I saw you driving down the road, I thought to myself, "sixty- five at least." The woman replied: I don't think that is quite fair. I think this hat makes me look older.
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a teen in Cary, Ill More fire than sense March 24, 2008 - Cary, Illinois - UPI A house in Cary, Ill., sustained about $75,000 in damage when a teenager working on a school assignment set the home on fire, authorities said. When firefighters arrived they found flames in a bedroom had moved to the hallway and damaged three other upstairs rooms, the Arlington Heights (Ill.) Daily Herald reported. Two teens and a family cat safely escaped the fire, authorities said. Officials decided the blaze began accidentally after a teen dropped a flaming piece of paper into a garbage can. The teen was trying to antique the paper by setting fire to its edges, authorities said. Copyright 2008 by United Press International

Thanks to my dad for this picture: Thelocactus-Leucanthuus This one bloomed today
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sam Re: Not getting my mail out Dear Webby, I am writing this from my daughter's computer. Any mail I send to you or almost everyone, never gets there. Yet a few people do get it. What am I doing wrong? By the way, my own email address is samtc@***.com Sam Dear Sam I found your samtc address in my blacklist. Most likely all your other contact also have you blacklisted. Have you at one time been a silly nuisance and annoyed people with an a%to-responder? With today's spam protection programs it is common and normal to automatically blacklist nuisance mail like a%to-responders. If I sent the Humor Letter out with that word in the subject line, I would probably get ten thousand bounces or complaints that it did not arrive. Even worse are automatic confirmation requests sent out automatically. Some of them collect email addresses for spam purposes, the rest of them are often so insecure that spammers routinely raid them and harvest the addresses. Naturally, those will get you blacklisted too. About all you can do is change your address to one that has not been blacklisted, and make sure that you are not using anything that looks like you are being a nuisance again. DearWebby

A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two Americans just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first American turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language." "Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."

Deeli's Kudos March 27, 2008 - Los Angeles, California - Happy News Finding it hard to express just the right sentiment to your loved one in prison? A Los Angeles company may have the answer. Attorney Terrye L. Cheathem noticed a market Hallmark wasn't serving and founded Three Squares Greetings, which provides cards for inmates. ''With more than 2.5 million people incarcerated in the Unites States today, I saw that there was a tremendous need,'' she said. Some express simple good wishes: ''We are all praying for you while you do your time.'' But most show a tougher sort of love. A Christmas greeting partly reads: ''You had the choice to be 'naughty or nice.' And you chose ... Oh well, now you have to do your time.'' Cheathem said she came up with the cards when her brother-in-law served 11 months in prison. She said she went searching for the appropriate greeting card, but couldn't find what she was looking for. ''There weren't any cards on the shelf that said anything like, 'Hey, you must make better choices,''' she said. ... nmates.htm

Delivering his speech at the opening banquet of a national convention, the visiting minister told several anecdotes he expected to repeat at meetings the next day. Because he wanted to use the jokes again, he requested that the reporters omit them from any accounts they might turn in to their newspapers. A cub reporter, in commenting on the speech, ended his piece with the following: "The minister told a number of stories that cannot be printed here."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Cleaning Contact Lenses Before cleaning your contact lenses, close the drain in your bathroom sink or cover it with a washcloth. This will keep the lenses from going down the drain if you drop them. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

Two women were paired together as partners in a club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time. After introductions, the first golfer asked the second, "What's your handicap?" "Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied. "Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that she was paired up with such a strong player. "Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones!

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: The Thirteenth Element
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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