Zoom the font size for best readability! Good Morning, ! Friday, April 4, 2008 Wear something red to show your support for the troops!
I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it. --- Rita Mae Brown The greatest inspiration is often born of desperation. --- Comer Cotrell
During the wedding reception in the family mansion, the bride's Grandfather slipped her five $100 bills which she concealed in her glove, since he told her to keep it for "mad money". By tradition, the couple spent their first night together in the family's historic house. The bride's Grandmother saw her sneaking down the stairs later that night, and asked where she was going. "I left my gloves in the library, Grand-MaMa, and it's important that I have them." "Oh you youngsters !" the Grandmother sighed. "You march yourself right back upstairs and grab hold of that dang thing with your bare hands just as I did your Grandfather's."
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Marvin was in the hospital. He was an old man. Anyway, there was this young nurse. Everytime she came in, she talked to him like a little child. She would say in a patronizing tone of voice "And how are we doing this morning?!" One day, Marvin had received breakfast, and pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his stand. He had been given a Urine Bottle to fill. The juice was apple juice. You know where the juice went. The nurse came in and picked up the urine bottle. She looks at it. "It seems we are a little cloudy today..." At this, Marvin snatched the bottle out of her hand, pops off the top, and drank it down, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again, and maybe I can filter it better this time."
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to The 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco Pinko Boneheads! The 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals decided Thursday that a website may be found liable for violating fair housing laws by matching roommates according to gender, sexual orientation and parenthood. The judges said a site called Roommates.com may be brought to trial for possibly violating anti-discrimination laws because it requires users to provide information about gender, sexual orientation and whether they have children, and then uses the information to screen people for matches. The boneheads totally failed to realize that room mates cohabit a residence and therefore require the same preference matching criteria as dating sites. Non-discriminatory real estate laws are totally inappropriate, when it comes to sharing a bathroom or kitchen. Disallowing preference matching will just lead to a lot of frustration, since there will always be a face to face meeting before moving in. Sites like roommates.com are valuable because their preference matching eliminates a lot of frustration and bad feelings.
Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture: Weary Traveler
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mia Re: Hard drive space Dear Webby Both of my computers, desktop and laptop, are getting very slow, even though I religiously refrained from installing any utilities or any frivolous programs. The only stuff that is not work related spreadsheets and docs is music and pictrues. I have at lest 2 GB space left on both machines, but a friend told me that the drives are too full. What do you suggest? Mia Dear Mia 2 GB of free space is not enough elbow room for Windows. Get yourself a 250 GB hard drive for $50 -$60, and a USB drive enclosure for $10 - $30. That gives you a portable file server that you can plug into either of your computers. It will show up as an extra hard drive, and when your computers are networked, you can access it from either machine. Then you can move all your music and graphics to that drive and use the original drives just for the operating system. Have FUN! DearWebby
Knock, knock! who's there? Boo Boo who? Don't cry, it's only a joke!
Deeli's Kudos March 31, 2008 - Fort Worth, Texas - UPI A Fort Worth, Texas, man is relieved after the city changed its potbellied pig ordinance, allowing him to keep his two beloved 90-pound piggy pets. Dino Taylor was worried he would be forced to either get rid of his potbellies, Lilly and Honey, or relocate to a different city because of a Fort Worth law restricting residence from owning swine weighing more than 60 pounds, The Dallas Morning News reported Wednesday. The City Council voted Tuesday to allow potbellies weighing as much as 120 pounds to live in the city. "We take the negative connotations that pigs are dirty and they mess stuff up and that you eat them. From ancient times, mine were always pets," Taylor said. The city also voted to permit animal control officials to enter vehicles to save trapped pets from overheating in hot weather. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat. She thinks to herself, "Here's another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat," so she pushes him back onto the seat. A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is still insulted so she refuses to let him up again. Finally, the man says, "Look, lady, you've got to let me get up. I'm twelve blocks past my stop already.".
The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at firstname.lastname@example.org, and she will post it into the blog for you.Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Inspect Your Roof Inspect your roof for loose shingles and remove any large branches. You can probably put off a major cleaning until summer but you will want to repair any broken tiles or shingles as soon as possible. If you are inspecting from the ground, use a pair of binoculars to get a better view. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair. "I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes." When the boy's haircut was done and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "It looks like your daddy forgot all about you." "That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"
Thanks to Cookie for today's Bonus Link: Grass roof school in SingaporeIf you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blogIf you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!Webby.com
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