Dear Webby: Low cost alternative to Styrofoam peanuts 

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Tuesday,  April 8, 2008

A gossip is someone who talks to you about others, a bore is someone who talks to you about himself, and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself. -- Lisa Kirk
Two Roofers, Bob and Dan, were putting a new roof on a barn when a bundle of shingles slid down the slope and knocked the ladder over. Bob and Dan decided since it was early they would continue working because someone would surely come around by quitting time. It was nearing 5 PM and they hadn't seen hide nor hair of anyone. So, they walked around the roof a few times and finally decided there was only one way down. On the West side of the barn was a big manure pile. Bob says, "It's the only way down. I will go first." Bob jumped. Dan heard the squishy landing and yelled, "Hey Bob! How deep did you go?" Bob yells back, "I went to my ankles Dan, come on JUMP!" Dan jumps and goes clear up to his neck in manure. He says to Bob, "I thought when you jumped you went up to your ankles?" Bob replies, "I did, but I landed head first!"
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A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache. Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it. The doctor assured the nurse, "Don't worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of gas and the anesthetic nurse had to bean him with the fire extinguisher."
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 23 year old burglar in Burjassot, Spain Living Dead April 3, 2008 - Burjassot, Spain A burglar who broke into a funeral home tried to fool police by playing dead, but two things gave him away. First, he breathed. Plus, he wore grungy clothes rather than the Sunday best of those settling in for eternal rest. Police and the Crespo Funeral Home said Wednesday they had no idea what the 23-year-old Spanish man was trying to steal in the March 17 break-in at Burjassot, a small town just outside Valencia. Neighbors living nearby alerted police when they heard the front door of the business being forced open in the middle of the night. Police officers arrived with the owner, and eventually found the suspect lying on a table in a glassed-in chamber used for viewings of deceased people during wakes.
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Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
During jury selection for one trial, the judge asked potential Juror No. 12 if there was any reason he could not be a fair and impartial juror. "There may be," he replied. "Juror No. 1 is my ex-wife, and if we were on the same jury, I guarantee we would not be able to agree on anything." Both were excused.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sarah Re: Low cost alternative to styrofoam beads Dear Webby, is there a light weight, low cost alternative to styrofoam beads for packing fragile goods? Thanks Sarah Dear Sarah There sure is. Plastic shopping bags. Just get your friends and relatives to save them for you. The people who get your parcels will also appreciate that. I don't know any grown-ups who like those styrofoam beads. Have FUN! Dear Webby

"I see you bought a new car. What's the make?" "A Perndle." "I've never heard of a Perndle before." "Me neither, but that's what it says, right over the steering wheel: P-R-N-D-L."

Deeli's Kudos April 3, 2008 - Thunder Bay, Ontario - Gimundo If you've ever seen a hockey player smile, you know that Canada's national sport can be a dangerous one, full of bumps, bruises, and broken teeth. But the athletes in the two-day tournament held in Thunder Bay, Ontario shouldn't worry so much about it: If anyone needs a doctor, there's no need to call 911. 520 physicians are ready and waiting to treat the injury - even if they've got to do it in ice skates. This year's "Docs on Ice" tournament marks the 26th anniversary of the charity event, which was launched as a memorial to Dr. Peter Howes, a hockey-loving physician from Petersborough, Ontario. Each year, the tournament is held in a different part of Ontario, and local charities receive a share of the money raised: This year's lucky beneficiaries are the P.R.O. Kids of Thunder Bay and the Thunder Bay Regional Health Sciences Foundation. "It's a fun day for the doctors as it allows them to catch up on friendships, enjoy Canada's national sport and most importantly, contribute their time towards a meaningful cause," Dr. Andrew Affleck, the organization's co-chair, said. ... or_Charity

A customer at Morris' Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence. "Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?" "I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Morris replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant." "You sell them here?" the customer asks. "Only $4 apiece," says Morris. The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter. "You didn't eat enough, " says Morris. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry. "Hey, Morris," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I just found out I can buy the whole fish for $2. ...You're ripping me off!" "You see?" says Morris. "You're smarter already."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Loading a Moving Truck Make sure to stack breakable items towards the top and put the items that you want to get to first in the truck last. Load items as tightly as possible to prevent boxes from shifting while driving. Tie large furniture or appliances to the wall to prevent slipping. Click Here For More Moving Tips ... 9_693.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

Leroy was telling his friend Bubba about the date he had the night before, "It was a bummer. She used four letter words all evening." Bubba exclaimed, "Really? I can't believe you didn't enjoy that." "Guess again," said Leroy, "All night she kept saying 'Quit,' 'Stop,' and 'Don't!'"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Reflections of the Canadian Arctic
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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