Dear Webby: Virus Hoax and Moron Bait 



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Sunday,  April 13, 2008


Reality is something women rise above. --- Liza Minnelli Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. --- Dave Barry
Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!" The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!" The first kid says, "What if they try to escape?"
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The Matchmaker goes to see Mr. Avery, a confirmed bachelor for many years. "Mr. Avery, don't leave it too late. I have exactly the one you need. You only have to say the word and you'll meet and be married in no time!" says the Matchmaker. "Don't bother," replies Mr. Avery, "I've two sisters at home who look after all my needs." "That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife." "I said 'two sisters'. I didn't say they were MY sisters."
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a drunk tourist on Groote Eylandt, Australia Too drunk for a croc April 9, 2008 Alyangula, Australia - UPI A man who took a drunken swim with the crocodiles on an island off northern Australia could face a criminal charge. Officers say the swimmer not only acted with extreme stupidity but hurled abuse at the constable who rescued him from a circling crocodile. The man was with his brother at a beach on Alyangula on Groote Eylandt when he swam to a baited crocodile trap. His brother watched him from shore, calling to him to "stop being stupid." Constable Sean Stanley went after the daredevil and brought him back to the beach. A witness said the only thanks Stanley got was the drunk yelling at him and asking him why he was shooting at the crocodile. The man was expelled from Groote Eylandt and fined $200 Australian ($184), but police said they think he needs a bigger lesson. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
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Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Monk or Monkey?
Medical Advice (A) The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. (B) On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. (C) The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. (D) The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than British or Americans. (E) Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lillemor Re: Virus alert hoax Dear Webby Thanks for terrific daily mail. You are the All Knowing of computer business. You'd know if there's any validity to the "Virus Alert" mentioned here. Hopefully it's a hoax. Thanks, Lillemor Please read: Big Virus coming Hi All, I checked with Norton Anti-Virus, and they are gearing up for this virus! I checked Snopes (Please read: Big Virus coming Hi All, I checked with Norton Anti-Virus, and they are gearing up for this virus! I checked Snopes (URL above:), and it is for real!! Get this E-mail message sent around to your contacts ASAP. PLEASE FORWARD THIS WARNING AMONG FRIENDS, FAMILY AND CONTACTS!), and it is for real!! Get this E-mail message sent around to your contacts ASAP. PLEASE FORWARD THIS WARNING AMONG FRIENDS, FAMILY AND CONTACTS! Blah, blah, blah, bleat Dear Lillemor Just old moron-bait. CNN, Microsoft, Burger King, Taco Bell, etc. don't announce or classify viruses. Norton and McAfee don't use AOLers to tell people about viruses via nuisance forwards. They have automatic updates for those who paid for a subscription, and they really don't give a hoot about those who did not pay. Whenever you see those names mentioned, it's moron-bait. Somebody is trying to collect the most gullible people on the net, so that they can sell fake Rolexes to them. Snopes refers to the long extinct "From a family member" fake postcard notices. Those are long gone. If you are worried about postcards, simply avoid those that ask you to download something. The real postcards have both your name and the name of the sender, and they don't require any downloads. They simply show as a page. Have FUN! DearWebby

"Doctor!" whined the patient. "I keep seeing spots before my eyes." The physician scratched his head, "Why have you come to me? Have you seen an opthalmologist?" "No," replied the patient, "just spots."

Deeli's Kudos April 3, 2008 - Torquay, Australia - UPI An orphaned baby kangaroo rescued by a dog near Torquay, Australia, has been taken to a sanctuary, the dog's owner says. Leonie Allan said she was walking her pointer, Rex, Easter Sunday when they came across the carcass of the mother kangaroo, which was killed by a car near Bells Beach,. "Later, I was working out the front and he started pointing," Allan said. "I was worried he'd found a snake and called him back, but when he returned he dropped the joey at my feet." Allan said Rex, a 10-year-old dog, was careful not to injure or upset the 4 1/2-month-old kangaroo. "The joey was snuggling up to him, jumping up to him and Rex was sniffing and licking him -- it was quite cute," she said. Jirrahlinga Wildlife Sanctuary Director Tehree Gordon praised Rex for his protective behavior toward the joey, named Rex Jr. in honor of his savior. Gordon said Rex Jr. will be released into the wild when he is about 18 months old. Copyright 2008 by United Press International

During an arctic training exercise in Alaska intense cold played havoc with vehicles and equipment. One harassed battery commander was trying to cope with vehicles that wouldn't run and machinery that wouldn't work. He was wondering what else could go wrong when the door flew open and a soldier rushed in and announced, "Hey, captain, the northern lights are out! Exasperated and without looking, the captain barked, "Well, don't tell me! Go get the generator mechanic and have him fix the darnn things!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age. The group surrounded a dog. Concerned the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked, "What are you doing with that dog?" One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog." The reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a 10-minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie?" and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie." There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, the Rev wins the dog."

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Spiral Gallery
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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