Dear Webby: Find the speed of a computer 

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It's Wednesday April 16

Youth would be an ideal state, if it came a little later in life. --- Herbert Henry Asquith
Three small boys were bragging about their fathers. The first boasted that his dad owned a farm. The second said his dad owned a factory. The third boy, a pastors son, replied: "That's nothin'. My dad owns hell." "No way," another boy scoffed. "How can a man own hell?" "Sure he can," the preacher's son said. "My mom told my grandma that them elders of our church gave it to him last night."
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A drunk stumbles across a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk, figuring that there might be some free celebrating included with the proceedings, looks back and says, "Yesch, Preacher..I shure am!" The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked. "Nooo, I haven't!" said the drunk. The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?" "Noooo, I haven't, Rev!" The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?" The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher... "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to four sweet toothed burglars inCincinnati, Ohio April 15, 2008 - Cincinnati, Ohio - UPI Cincinnati police said they tracked down four suspects in a candy store burglary by following a trail of discarded wrappers. Police said they followed the trail from Peter Minges and Sons Candy Shop, where $400 worth of candy was stolen just before 1 a.m. Thursday, to a nearby area where they arrested four suspects, two men and two women. Three of the suspects have not yet been named by police, but one of the women, Christine Ruther, was charged with child endangerment after she allegedly brought her 7-month-old daughter along for the heist. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
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From the Tech Support Pits: From Lana Re: Find the speed of a computer Dear Webby, I am considering buying a computer from an aquaintance. How can I quickly tell what speed and type it is? Lana Dear Lana Just hold down the Windows key and hit the Pause/Break key. It may take a second or two, but then Windows will show you all you need to know, even which version of Service Pack patch has been installed. Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to Lynn for this one: I have the most marvelous recipe for meat loaf! All I have to do is mention it to my husband and he says, "Let's eat out!"

Deeli's Kudos April 15, 2008 - Toronto, Canada - Gimundo Jim Wallenberg, a violinist with the Toronto Symphony Orchestra, was devastated when he left his beloved violin behind on a streetcar last week. The instrument is valued at $77,000, but despite its price, Wallenberg is more concerned with its heavy emotional value to him: The violin had been custom-made for his mother, more than 36 years ago. He quickly went to work plastering ads with a reward notice all over the city. Luckily, a local animal rescue worker, Wayne Wulff, saw one of his signs Wulff had recently spotted the violin in a homeless woman's shopping cart. He found her again and negotiated an exchange: For the violin, he would give her $35 and the ring he was wearing. It may not seem like the fairest trade, especially since Wulff received a $1,000 reward for returning the instrument but Wulff said that he plans to share the reward money (in the form of grocery vouchers) with the homeless woman. And Wallenberg, whose wife is expecting twins any day, is thrilled at the violin's safe return: "I have my first baby back and two on the way," he said. ... Instrument

At the candy store Judi had about 20 bags of candy. A smart-alek behind her in line told her: "You should push the air out of them. The candies might cost less if they don't have the weight of the air in them." So for a few minutes she let the air out of the bags. After she did that he told her it didn't really matter. It would have weighed the same. Judi was more confused than ever and said, "If having air in the bag doesn't weigh any more, then why does it make the bags look so fat?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Use for Mesh Onion Bags Use those mesh onion bags in the dishwasher to keep small items from getting thrown about. This works great for washing baby bottle caps and nipples. Click Here For Other Tips On Reusing Items ... _2814.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

"I never would have married you if I knew how stupid you were!" shouted the woman to her husband! The husband replied, "You should've known how stupid I am, the minute I asked you to marry me!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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