Dear Webby: Missing NTOSKRNL 

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Good Morning,  !

Friday,  May 2, 2008
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Integrity is not a ninety percent thing, not a ninety-five percent thing. Either you have it or you don't. --- Peter Scotese
Continuing the trip. Straight through the desert from Kayenta to Page was fast with very few photo stops. Due to the opposite of global warming, that desert wasn't even close to blooming. In Page, the only computer store was closed, and didn't look like they had any computers in stock. So off we went to the place of last resort: Walmart. I was desperate! They had 3 laptops, all Vista. One was labelled on the shelf as having 3 GB of RAM. It actually only had 2 GB, but they charged the price of the 3 GB computer. I was not at all happy with that and let them know it. At the hotel I downloaded the back-up stashed on the net while cussing at Vista. It's a klutzy clone of 1990 Mac with the voice message "You can't get there from here" replaced with just as useless error messages. I pity the poor folks who think that is good enough! The pre-installed Norton didn't help either. Between that and Vista I got the impression that instead of intelligent security they simply made it so klutzy and slow, that hackers would get impatient and go watch the lawn grow for some excitement. By running CrapCleaner every half hour and running only half the programs I run simultaneously on XP, I managed to spread the crashes to almost two hours apart and eventually did get the mail answered and the chores done. The next day we goofed around Lake Powell and then headed down to Marble Canyon. The pictures are at During a late lunch on the porch of the restaurant there a sudden but short twister added a layer of grit and sandy minerals to the food that it didn't take along. Luckily I saw it approaching and grabbed my plate fast enough. Dad wasn't so lucky and the twister pasted his plate on his chest, mashed potatoes and gravy and all. Five seconds later it was over. the napkins were miles away, but we found all the cutlery and cups. About 15 miles farther West I stopped on a hunch and sure enough, we did find the cactus that dad had suspected might be surviving in that area: Cactus Unlike all others in the same family, the central thorns are pointing downward, not up. After dad happily took pictures for half an hour, we headed East again and went up Lee's Ferry road. Very dramatic scenery there. Some day I will camp there for a week. Next day we headed West past Marble Canyon, the Vermillion Cliffs, Jacob Lake and down through Kanab Forest. Beautiful, curvy mountain road! Then north to Bryce Canyon on fast freeways. Bryce Canyon is indescribably beautiful in the evening sun. After some hiking around, we headed North-East and reached Escalante before nightfall. Verda at the Prospector Inn remembered me from emailing a month earlier and everything was ready and better than expected. Because everything takes so much longer with Vista, we had a late start the next day and headed North to Torrey. Gorgeous red rock scenery all the way, and we found cacti up as high as 3000 meters (10,000 feet) altitude. Because of the longer than usual winter they didn't bloom yet, of course, but it was quite a success to simply find them. From Torrey we headed eastward. I missed the turn-off for Notam road and finally asked for directions in Hanksville. The guy I talked to knew of the route I wanted to go, and mentioned that it had been done once by a group with 4x4's. Supposedly nice scenery, but slow going, and that we better count on camping once or twice. Well, I wasn't prepared to camp, but willing to drive fast and late. We found the Notam road. Nice pavement for 10 miles, then the worst brain damaging washboard I had ever encountered. After a mile of that I decided that the proper vehicle for that road would be a large primary grader with really tall tires. So we turned around and backtracked through Torrey and over the mountains back to Escalante. By keeping the photo stops to a minimum and the speed to the maximum, we got back just before dark. OK, enough for today. More tomorrow.
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Thanks to Ross for this story: Judge Judy to prostitute, 'So when did you realize you were raped?' Prostitute, wiping away tears: 'When the check bounced.'
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charles Ray Fuller, 21, of Crowley, Texas A bit too greedy! Thanks to Walter for this submission. May 1, 2008 - Fort Worth, Texas - AP Charles Ray Fuller must have been planning one big record company. The 21-year-old Texas man was arrested last week for trying to cash a $360 billion check, saying he wanted to start a record business. Tellers at the Fort Worth bank were immediately suspicious perhaps the 10 zeros on a personal check tipped them off. Fuller, of suburban Crowley, was arrested on a forgery charge. He was released after posting $3,750 bail. Fuller said his girlfriend's mother gave him the check to start a record business. But bank employees who contacted the account's owner said the woman told them she did not give him permission to take or cash the check. In addition to the forgery count, Fuller was charged with unlawfully carrying a weapon and possessing marijuana. Officers reported finding less than two ounces of marijuana and a .25-caliber handgun and magazine in his pockets. ... 4K5y.s0NUE
Click here to Top Secret Fat Loss Secret
Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture:
Thanks to Seababy for this announcement: China will no longer publish a phone directory due to chaos. There were so many Wings and Wong's in THE DIRECTORY, people were always winging wong numbers. I felt you needed to know this. Seababy
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jackie Re: bad or missing NTOSKRNL.exe Dear Webby Good Afternoon/Evening/Morning I love receiving your Humor Letter and all the advice you give to others when they are having computer problems. I'm hoping you can help me now. I recommended Spybot to a co-worker because I feel it is a great program. I burned the download to CD for her and told her how to install it. She told me today that when she tried to re-start her computer, after it fixed the 120+ infected files and following the instructions to re-start, there was an error message and Windows XP wouldn't start. The error reads "windows could not start because the following file is missing or corrupt 'windows root system32 NTOSKRNL.exe'. I believe it is found under c:\windows\system32. HELP! She does not have the OS disk as Windows XP was already loaded when she got the computer. I feel really bad because I recommended she install Spybot. I told her I had a similar problem after I installed a windows update but I've had no problems with Spybot and wondered if it was something else that caused this problem. Do you have any suggestions as to how this happened and how to fix it? Many thanks! Jackie Dear Jackie Spybot has nothing to do with that, other than that the reboot after running Spybot, made an existing problem visible. All the information regarding that fairly common problem is here: It lists the various causes for that problem, but Spybot is not mentioned at all. So, don't feel bad. Probably one of those 120+ infections had messed with important stuff, and possibly given control of the machine to a hacker. They have the solutions for each of the possible causes of that problem listed there on that page. Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to Katie for this classic: At Penn State University , there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an "A" so far. These four friends were so confident that, the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Penn State until early Monday morning Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam. The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thinking this was going to be easy... then they turned the page. On the second page was written... For 95 points: Which tire? _________

Deeli's Kudos May 1, 2008 - Dorr, Michigan - AP When an 11-year-old Boy Scout found someone's wallet with $800 inside, he understood what the person who lost it was going through. Only a few weeks before, he had lost his own wallet and the $45 it contained. J.R. Bouterse immediately told an adult about his discovery, which was turned over to a law-enforcement official and returned to its grateful owner. To reward the boy, the Michigan State Police threw a pizza party Monday night, not only for the law-abiding child but for all 30 Scouts in Troop 90. Another guest at the party, to J.R.'s surprise, was 20-year-old Jessica Cutler, the wallet's owner, who wanted to personally thank him for his act of honesty. "I'm just glad he found it and not someone else,'' she said. ... ns-odd.htm

The Priest and the Rabbi A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other in an airplane. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?" The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our laws." The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?" To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich." The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?" The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith." The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?" The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith." The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes. Finally, the rabbi said, "Beats the hell out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Keeping Batteries Fresh To prevent batteries from wearing down if a flashlight is accidentally nudged on while you're traveling, put the flashlight batteries in backwards or don't put them in the flashlight at all until needed. Visit ThriftyFun For More Better Living Tips By Clicking Here Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Roland for this: Washing Clothes Recipe imagine having a recipe for this ! ! ! Yyears ago an Alabama grandmother gave the new bride the following recipe: this is an exact copy as written and found in an old scrapbook - with spelling errors and all. Washing Clothes build fire in backyard to heat kettle of rain water. set tubs so smoke wont blow in eyes if wind is pert. shave one hole cake of lie soap in boilin water. sort things, make 3 piles 1 pile white, 1 pile colored, 1 pile work britches and rags to make starch, stir flour in cool water to smooth, then thin down with boiling water. take white things, rub dirty spots on board, scrub hard, and boil, then rub colored... don't boil, just wrench and starch. take things out of kettle with broom stick handle, then wrench, and starch. hang old rags on fence. spread tea towels on grass. pore wrench water in flower bed. scrub porch with hot soapy water. turn tubs upside down. go put on clean dress, smooth hair with hair combs. brew cup of tea, sit and rock a spell and count your blessings. ================================== paste this over your washer and dryer. next time when you think things are bleak, read it again, kiss that washing machine and dryer, and give thanks. first thing each morning you should run and hug your washer and dryer, also your toilet ---those two-holers used to get mighty cold! for you non-southerners -wrench means rinse. :)

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: The perfect tomato
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s Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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