Dear Webby: No response 

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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  May 18, 2008

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. --- Albert Schweitzer
On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How is THAT going to help?"
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Rick, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, "What is three times seven?" "22," Rick replied. After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he *knew* he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn't get the job. About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious. The next day, he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest."
Thanks to Martin for this:
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Clyde Bridges in Barnstable, Massachusetts Messing with the wrong crowd! May 13, 2008 - Barnstable, Massachusetts - AP Police in Massachusetts say churchgoers in a Cape Cod town tackled a would-be robber who tried to steal a collection box during a service. Investigators say Clyde Bridges showed up Sunday at the Hyannis Foursquare Portuguese Church wearing a mask and carrying a cigarette lighter shaped like a gun. Officers arrived to find the 45-year-old being held on the ground by parishioners who had tackled him and ripped off the mask. Bridges is being held on $200,000 bail on armed robbery charges. He also is accused of robbing a pizza delivery man this month. Bridges lawyer Terrance O'Connell says his client denies robbing the delivery man and does not remember what happened at the church before he was pinned down. ... er-odd.htm
The little old lady seated herself right behind the bus driver. Every ten minutes or so she'd pipe up, "Have we reached Oriskany Falls yet, sonny?" "No, lady, not yet. I'll let you know," he replied, time after time. The hours passed, the old woman kept asking for Oriskany Falls, and finally the little town came into view. Sighing with relief, the driver slammed on the brakes, pulled over and called out, "This is where you get out, lady." "Is this Oriskany Falls?" "YES!" he bellowed. "Get out!" "Oh, I'm going all the way to Albany, sonny," she explained sweetly. "It's just that my daughter told me that when we got this far, I should take my blood pressure pill."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: John Re: No response Dear Webby, Is it possible to detect if Angelwinks is on the Recipient's blocked sender list? If it is on the blocked senders list, how do you deal with the blocked cards? Are they regarded as being "delivered" or would you send an "unable to deliver" note? I ask this because I have been sending cards and getting a very prompt reply saying that the recipient has picked up the card but have not received any reply from the Recipient. I look forward to hearing from you. John Hodges Dear John If you get the "has picked up.." notice, then somebody at the recipient's machine, HAS indeed picked up and viewed your card. There is no way we can tell if the person who opened and viewed the card was the intended recipient, a spouse, parent, child, room mate, or the butler. All the program sees is that SOMEBODY at the recipient address opened and viewed the card. You will have to contact the recipient by chat or phone to find out why you got snubbed. It is also possible that YOU have the recipient blocked, and that she is getting mighty annoyed with you. So, contact her and find out! Have FUN! DearWebby

The grizzled old Master Chief was conducting the course in boot camp. He growled at me: "If you were on night sentry duty and saw a figure crawling towards camp, what procedure would you follow?" "Well, Master Chief," I answered, "I'd help the officer to his quarters."

Deeli's Kudos May 15, 2008 - London, UK - UPI A British woman said her missing Jack Russell terrier was excited to return home after a psychic used supernatural methods to pinpoint his location. Nikki Newcombe, 35, was relieved to have her dog, Marmite, return home after he spent a week stranded in a hole. Newcombe went to Pea Horsley, a London woman who says she has psychic abilities, for help after having no luck finding the lost pooch on her own. Horsley used her abilities to tell Newcombe about landmarks the dog traveled past before falling into the hole. Sure enough, Newcombe took Horsley's advice and found Marmite barking from a hole in the ground. "It's one of the quickest I've found," Horsley said.

Short skirts have a tendency to make men polite. Have you ever seen a man get on a bus ahead of one?

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Sharp Blades on the Lawn Mower It's important to have sharp mowing blades. Dull blades don't cut the grass, they tear it. This causes stress to your lawn and makes it more susceptible to disease and insect problems. When grass is torn rather than cut, it can also develop a brown appearance. Visit ThriftyFun For Lawn Tips By Clicking Here Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

Dr. Jones completed his examination of the teenage girl and took her mother aside. "I'm afraid," he said, "that your daughter has syphilis." "Oh, my!" exclaimed the embarrassed woman. "Tell me, could she possibly have caught it in a public lavatory?" After giving it a little thought, Dr. Jones responded, "Well, considering that my daughter was conceived in a Volkswagen, it IS possible." Then she added "but it would certainly have been uncomfortable."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Somewhere in time
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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