Dear Webby: SP3 UN-install 

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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  May 26, 2008
Memorial Day

Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein. --- Joe Theismann If I only had a little humility, I'd be perfect. --- Ted Turner If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. --- Johnny Carson
Some time ago, there was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes, and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now. As usual, his model reported, and after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk, she began to undress for the day's work. He told her not to bother, that he felt pretty bad with a cold he had been fighting. He added that he would pay her for the day, but that she could just go home; he just wanted some hot tea and then, off to bed. The model said, "Oh, please, let me fix it for you. It's the least I can do." He agreed and told her to fix herself a cup too. They were sitting in the living room just exchanging small talk and enjoying their tea, when he heard the front door open and close, then some familiar footsteps. "Oh darn!!!" he whispered loudly, "It's my wife! Quick!!! Take all your clothes off."
Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ladislau Darocz and Florin Calin, from Iasi county in eastern Romania Midnight Stocking May 18, 2008 - Iasi County, Romania - Ananova Two Romanian greengrocers who broke into a rival's warehouse to steal his entire stock of grapes were caught after they hired three taxis to ferry away their haul. Police saw the three taxis travelling in convoy and when they stopped them found sacks of grapes filling the boot and interior of the three vehicles. Ladislau Darocz and Florin Calin, from Iasi county in eastern Romania, complained their rival, who had a larger store, was putting them out of business. They stole 580 kilos of grapes and now face jail for robbery.
When her late husband's will was read, a widow learned he had left the bulk of his fortune to another woman. Enraged, she rushed to change the inscription on her spouse's tombstone. "Sorry, lady," said the stonecutter. "Per your request, I inscribed 'Rest in Peace' already on it. I can't change it now." "Very well," she said grimly. "Just add, `Until We Meet Again...'"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Toni from Re: Uninstall SP3 Dear Webby, There is an un-install for SP3 at Toni Thanks, Toni I am sure a lot of people will appreciate that link! Have FUN! DearWebby

A woman went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of peat moss. She gave a personal check in payment and said to the clerk, "I suppose you will want some identification." He replied, without hesitation, "No ma'am, that won't be necessary." "How come?" asked the woman. "Crooks don't buy peat moss." answered the clerk.

Deeli's Kudos May 22, 2008 - San Jose, California - Gimundo Last year, after 29-year-old Indian-born entrepreneur Taj Chahal and his brother sold their advertising technology company, BlueLithium, to Yahoo for a $300 million windfall, Chahal vowed to make his 30th birthday party an occasion to remember. The generous multi-millionaire decided to share the wealth with 300 San Jose-area homeless people at a food kitchen called Martha's Kitchen. Chahal did more than simply serve up soup, though: On his birthday regular diners were stunned to discover the dining room decorated with tablecloths, balloons, and a dazzling array of catered gourmet dishes, featuring ravioli and meatballs, garlic bread, and a huge tray of birthday cake. Chahal paid the entire $8,000 bill and volunteered his services at the party as a juice-pourer. For most people, birthdays are about receiving, not giving. But Chahal decided it was time for a change this year: "If you are blessed to have the things that you have, then you should share them with others," ... od_Kitchen

Thanks to Millie for this story: An old woman in the West Virginia hills received a letter from her grandniece, who'd gone off to the big city to seek her fortune. Puzzled by the writing and the contents, she read to her husband, "Judi says here that she's got herself a job in a . . . a . . . a . . . well, it must be a *message* parlour." "I reckon city folks must leave word there fer their neighbours and kinfolk. Them not having back fences and all," her husband said. "Does Judi say how much they's a payin' her?" "Well, that's the part I can't make out. For the life of me, Paw, she says she gets some $35 for a hand delivered message and $60 if she *blahws* it to them!" "Must be them newfangled phones the city folk carry." Pa figured..

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Moving Furniture and Wall Art Wrap furniture in plastic to keep them clean and together. You can also stand them on their end to save space. When you take down paintings and prints, tape hooks and nails used to hang them to the back of the frame. Use a large piece of cardboard to protect the front of prints and paintings. Visit ThriftyFun For More Moving Tips By Clicking Here ... 9_693.html It is a good idea to patch nail holes immediately, so that you don't forget one and blow your damage deposit. You can get tubes or little tubs of wall patch at most hardware stores, even pre-colored in common wall colors. In a pinch, you can fake it with a paste made from flour and water. To remove nails without damaging the wall, grab them with small vise-grips or pliers, and turn them 3 full rotations, then ease them out while continuing to turn in the same direction. Don't reverse direction! The smaller the hole, the easier it is to make it invisible. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a group of half dozen or so officers that included personnel from most of the countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks, but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked: "Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?" Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied: Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies, and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Memorial Day Tribute
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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