Dear Webby: Microsoft is playing dirty 

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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  May 30, 2008

Today is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

It's not true that nice guys finish last. Nice guys are winners before the game even starts. --- Addison Walker
The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions. But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky. The worst had happened; everything was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger. "God, how could you do this to me!" he cried. Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him. "How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied.
Thanks to Helen for this picture: There is a Monster in the puddle!
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to police and counci in Houma, Louisiana Obnoxious Nitpickers May 28, 2008 - Houma, Louisiana - AP Police in this town wouldn't cut a break for a barber who ran afoul of an obscure law barring him from working Sundays and Mondays. Clyde Scott had opened his shop May 19 just to trim up a few students getting ready for their graduation ceremony when an officer gave him a citation. A law in Houma for decades bars barbers from working Sundays, Mondays, any of several holidays and even the day after Labor Day. "I didn't know it existed," said Scott, 32, who has owned Clippas barbershop for about two years. "It's crazy." Parish Council Clerk Paul Labat said he didn't know exactly how long the law has been on the books, but that it dates to the years before the parish and city governments merged in 1981. "It's still an active law," he told The Courier of Houma. Houma police spokesman Lt. Todd Duplantis said police discovered the ordinance after receiving complaints about people loitering outside the barbershop, and an officer was instructed to issue a summons. Duplantis said it was the first time he had heard of such a ticket being written in his 23 years with the department. ... 02597.html
Had a friend whose Grandpa lived with 'em... He was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular... "When I was a boy, my momma could send me to the store, and I'd get a ham, a quart of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, and a comic book... all fo' a quarter!! You can't DO that no mo'... ...them daing video cameras is ever'where ya look......"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mark Re: Microsoft is playing dirty Dear Webby, Is M$ forcing companies to sell XP-SP3, just to trash XP in their evil attempts to force us towards Vista? They must surely know by now that Vista is a dud and not good enough for the workplace, and most definitely NOT what people want, so why are they acting like a hysterical spinster? All that sinister backstabbing is just going to drive people to Mac and Linux. Even Dell, ther main stooge, is converting orders for XP-SP2 to XP-SP3 behind your back. XP-SP3 is, of course, a total flop. It comes with IE7 and Vista style security and crashes a lot. It is ruining our business converting Vista machines to XP-SP2. Where do YOU get your XP-SP2s? Mark Dear Mark I think Dell is not so much acting on orders issued by their pimp, as hoarding the remaining few Millions of XP-SP2 licenses they got, to use on their own machines. They saw that they can sell XP machines for $300 more than Vista machines with the same hardware. That is simply $300+ more profit, and so they are scrounging for XP-SP2 licenses just like you are, and sell XP-SP3 to the sheep. I drove into Calgary today and bought what XP-SP2s I could find. The Home edition is pretty well gone from everywhere, except possibly a few rural stores. There is still stock of OEM-XP-SP2 PRO around. You can only buy that, if you buy some computer hardware at the same time, so just buy a hard drive cable together with each license. And stock up while you still can. It's your best investment opportunity in today's economy. Have FUN! DearWebby

Mark was only 5 feet, 8 inches tall when he left for college in the fall. He worked through the Christmas holidays and didn't return home again until the February break. When he got off the plane, I was stunned at how much taller he looked. Measuring him at home, I discovered he now stood at 5 feet, 11 inches. My son was as surprised as I. "Couldn't you tell by your clothes that you'd grown?" I asked him. "Since I've been doing my own laundry," he replied, "I just figured everything had shrunk."

Deeli's Kudos LOCAL MAN WINS 'EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH AWARD' FOR 23RD STRAIGHT MONTH Chuck Rogers, a self employed marketing consultant, has won his company's 'Employee of the Month Award' for a record 23 months in a row. Said Rogers, "I began the award program nearly two years ago when my psychologist and business coach suggested that I needed to create a company plan for maintaining employee moral and building self-esteem." Rogers, who works alone from his home office, has received 100% of the votes for the 'Employee of the Month Award' since its inception. Said Rogers, "It feels really good every time I win the award. I am always surprised and flattered when the winner is announced. But the best part is that I get to use the special parking spot set aside for the winner. It is right next to the house. You can't imagine what a benefit that has been!"

A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool and show who was boss on the aviation frequencies. It was his first time approaching a field during the night time. Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said: "Guess who?" The controller switched the field lights off and replied: "Guess where!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Swimming Pool Covers Evaporating water requires tremendous amounts of energy. It only takes 1 BTU (British thermal unit) to raise 1 pound of water 1 degree, but each pound of 80 degree F water that evaporates takes a whopping 1,048 BTU of heat out of the pool. Visit ThriftyFun For More Tips By Clicking Here A plain, un--insulated, blue or orange plastic tarp will save you almost as much money as an insulated cover at 1/20th the cost. It will also keep dust and insects out, but the main thing is to shield the water from wind. Even a slight breeze increases evaporation drasticlly. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely quiet. She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen anything like this before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why are you so well behaved and quiet?" Finally, after much urging, little Sally spoke up and said, "Well, one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you would drop dead."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Anti-Virus programs comparison test
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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