Dear Webby, how do I switch to Linux? 

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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  May 31, 2008

You can't depend on your judgment when your imagination is out of focus. --- Mark Twain
Years ago, Nebraskans got tired of leaning into the wind, having their top soil blown away, and chickens laying their eggs two and three times. Seems the wind continually came down from Canada, and there was nothing between Canada and Nebraska to stop it. The farmers all got together and decided to build a fence across the North Border of the State of Nebraska. . . . the idea being, to stop that cold wind. It might've worked, too. The barbed wire they used was strong enough, .but the real problem was that a couple owners of farms on the upper border kept leaving their gates open.
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Looks like her old gator hunting swamp buggy!
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the City of Portsmouth, England Obnoxious Snivelers May 30, 2008 - Portsmouth, England - UPI A Portsmouth, England, grandmother says her local government has ordered her to have a lifeguard on duty for the 2-foot-deep wading pool she put in her yard. Lourdes Maxwell said she has been putting the small pool out in her yard at the start of summer for more than 20 years for her children, grandchildren and neighborhood kids to play in. However, she said the city council issued a health and safety edict ordering her to empty the pool. Maxwell said she contacted her member of Parliament, who convinced the city to allow Maxwell to keep the pool, provided she pays for insurance and has lifeguards watching the pool at all times. "I asked around for insurance and they just laughed at me. No one offers insurance for paddling pools," Maxwell said. "I'm always there to supervise but they're trying to tell me I need lifeguards for a kiddies' pool as well -- it's crazy." Copyright 2008 by United Press International
At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yeth, they uthed to be," the patient said sadly.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elvira Re: How do I switch from Windos to Linux? Dear Webby, I am going to switch the entire office to Linux. We had to get all new machines and they are all Vista. Vista is ridiculous and everything takes a lot longer to get done. How do we go about the switch to Linux? Elvira Dear Elvira Linux is about at the stage where DOS and Windows were in the 80's and early 90's. It works fine, but you better get a local guru to set it up for you, and to throw in some friendly tutoring. There are many different flavors or distributions of Linux, and just choosing, which one is best for your business, can be a daunting task. 1) list your priorities and tasks and programs that you want to use. 2) Choose a local Linux consultant, who has the patience to explain the differences between various Linux flavors to you and help you choose the one that is right for you. 3) Get the consultant to set up one machine and, together with you, customize it for your purposes. 4) Once your machine is set up perfect for your office, get the consultant to make you a bootable ISO Image to clone it to the rest of the machines. If you do it that way, your business will be switched over quickly and painlessly, and you will have effective work machines. Any other method will probably frustrate you enough that you will decide to put up with Vista and just hire extra staff. If you follow those four steps, you will enjoy Linux and never even think of going back to Vista. Have FUN! DearWebby

SHOPPING MATH A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

Deeli's Kudos May 30, 2008 - Madison, Wisconsin - UPI Organizers of Brat Fest in Madison, Wis., say the event broke its own world record by selling 191,712 bratwurst sausages during its four-day run. Tim Metcalfe, one of the organizers, said the 2004 record of 189,432 brats was beaten when a "huge dinner rush" near the end of the festival led to 10,000 brats being sold in a single hour, The (Madison) Wisconsin State Journal reported Tuesday. "The stage bands got up and said, 'If everybody buys one brat right now, we can break this record,'" Metcalfe said. Metcalfe estimated the bratwurst celebration raised more than $100,000 for the charities chosen by volunteer servers. Copyright 2008 by United Press International

One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks. Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "God sent you, Honey." "And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, Sweetheart, he did." "And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?" "Yes, Honey, all of them, too." The child shakes her head in disbelief. "Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Ironing Shirts Start by ironing sleeves, cuffs, belts and collars before ironing the body of the shirt. This will prevent you from having to re-iron the body of the shirt. When ironing collars, iron from the corners inward to prevent wrinkles on the ends of the collars. Visit ThriftyFun For Laundry Tips By Clicking Here Visit ThriftyFun For More Tips By Clicking Here Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

A 93 year old man went to his doctor to get a physical. A week later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with an attractive young woman on his arm. At the man's next visit, the doctor said, "I saw you with a young lady the other day. You're really doing great, aren't you?" The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doc, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful'." The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful."

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Des Moines tornado damage
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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