Dear Webby: Prining labels with Open Office 

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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  June 10, 2008

Invention is the mother of necessity. --- Thorstein Veblen
Late one night during bad weather, the following was heard over the radio at an airport control tower: Helicopter Pilot: "Tower, I'm holding at 3000 over Heli-pad 1." Second voice: "NO!!! You can't be doing that! I'm holding at 3000 over that pad!" There was a brief moment of silence. First voice again: "You idiot! You're my CO-PILOT!"
Thanks to Sandie for this picture of her periwinkles:
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Algernon James, 39, of Ft Lauderdale, Florida Stained June 9, 2008 - Pompano Beach, Florida - UPI Authorities said they arrested a Pompano Beach, Fla., bank robbery suspect after he failed to change his pants following a dye pack explosion in his pocket. The Broward County Sheriff's Office said Algernon James, 39, was arrested at a Fort Lauderdale, Fla., gas station after a tipster informed deputies of his location, the South Florida Sun-Sentinel reported. Broward Sheriff's Detective Tony Hierrezuelo said James had disguised himself with fake dreadlocks under a multicolored cap, but he was still wearing pants stained from a dye pack explosion the day before. "He never said why he didn't change his pants," Hierrezuelo said. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
Norm was shopping the other day and wound up face to face with this drop dead gorgeous woman. He couldn't help but just stare at her, so much so that his mouth dropped open and he was drooling. The woman caught him staring and suspected he wasn't just admiring her outfit. She said, "Are you often troubled by indecent thoughts?" Norm replied, "No, ma'am. Actually, to be honest, I rather enjoy them."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Chris Re: Labels in Open Office Dear Webby, Can I do labels like address labels with Open Office, or do I have to use WORD for that? Chris Dear Chris Yes, of course! I didn't realize that some people might still be using quaint old-fashioned WORD and Microsoft Office. In Open Office Write you click on File, New, Labels slect the brand, for example Avery, select Sheet, Letter Size, the Avery number, for example 5660. Click on New Document. Paste or type in the address, click on Synchronize, and the address is duplicated into 30 labels, or however many are on the selected brand and type of label sheet. You can, of course also pull different addresses for each label from a database. Just follow the on-screen instructions for that. It's really quite simple and intuitive, as long as you start with FILE, New, Labels Have FUN! Dear Webby

A friend of mine told me about this new Husband Shopping Center where a woman could go to choose from among many men for her husband. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing inpositive attributes as you ascended up the floors. The only rule was once you opened the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor and if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place. So, a couple of girlfriends go to the place to find a man as a prospective husband. First floor, the door had a sign saying: "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and say, "Well that's better than not having jobs or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up". So up they go. Second floor says: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking." Hmmm, say the girls. But, I wonder what's further up? Third floor: "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kidsand help with the housework. "Wow! say the women. Very tempting, BUT, there's more further up! And up they go. Fourth floor: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak."Oh, mercy me. But just think! What must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they go. The sign on that door said: "This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please."

Deeli's Kudos June 9, 2008 - Chester, Pennsylvania - AP He arrived in style: a black limo, a sharp tuxedo, a beautiful date and with an adoring crowd waiting for him. Kenneth Smith, 84, attended the Chester High School prom on Thursday night fashionably late. Decades late. Smith was drafted into military service 1943, before he could finish high school. He returned home after World War II but never got his high school diploma. A friend arranged for him to receive an honorary diploma from Chester High School, just outside Philadelphia, and finally go to the prom. He did at the Springfield Country Club. Smith said this prom wasn't just for him. He said it was also for all the other soldiers who couldn't make it to their own. ... l-prom.htm

An expert on whales was telling friends about some of the unusual findings he had made. "For instance," he said, "some whales can communicate at a distance of 300 miles." "What on earth would one whale say to another 300 miles away?" asked a sarcastic member of the group. "I'm not absolutely sure," answered the expert, "but it sounds something like 'Heeeeeeey! Can you hear me nowwww!?!

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Prevent Eye Glasses and Goggles from Fogging Up Apply a little foaming shaving cream to your glasses and then wipe it off to help prevent them from fogging up. This also works well for swimming and skiing goggles. Visit ThriftyFun For Better Living Tips By Clicking Here Visit ThriftyFun For More Recreation Tips By Clicking Here Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk." The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer. Again, the monkey shook his head up and down. "Well, did you see this?" "Yes," motioned the monkey. "What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth. "They were drinking?" asked the officer. "Yes." "What else?" The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth. "They were smoking marijuana?" "Yes." "What else?" The monkey motioned "Scr*****." "They were scr*****, too?" asked the astounded officer. "Yes." "Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and scr***** before they wrecked the car?" "Yes." "What were you doing during all this?" "Driving" ....motioned the monkey

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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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