Dear Webby: Free 411 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  June 16, 2008

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. --- Anthony Burgess I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. --- Isaac Asimov
There was a midget down in Texas who complained to his buddy that his testicles ached almost all the time. As he was always complaining about his problem, his friend finally suggested that he go to a doctor to see what could be done to relieve the problem. The midget took his advice and went to the doctor and told him what the problem was. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor put him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough - the usual method to check for a hernia. "Aha!" the doc and putting his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. "Aha!" said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip, snip, snip, snip on the right side then snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip on the left side. The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to get dressed and see if they still ached. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around the doc's office and discovered his testicles were no longer aching. "Gee, what did you do, Doc?" he asked. The doc replied, "I cut two inches off the tops of your cowboy boots."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Her neighbor's African Turtle escaped, but got lured into captivity again with some veggie treats.
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Eric Perteet of Atlanta, georgia The Great Pretender, jailed June 12, 2008 - Atlanta, Georgia - UPI Public records indicate that an alleged phony doctor arrested in Atlanta allegedly also impersonated a high-tech computer genius while living in Chicago. The Atlanta Journal-Constitution said Wednesday that Eric Perteet moved to Georgia with a felony conviction instead of a medical license after his claims to be a high-tech wheeler-dealer fell apart. "The only truthful thing I knew about him is his name," ex-wife Joy Richardson told the newspaper. Richardson said her husband's tales of huge pending deals with Fortune 500 companies evaporated after they were married. At one point, after they had split up, Perteet's employer called to check on the couple's son because Perteet had claimed the boy had died and had begun soliciting donations. Current wife Tammi Perteet told the Journal-Constitution that her husband told her he had moved to Atlanta after his parents and two sons were killed in an Arizona car wreck. Perteet's alleged life of illusions derailed last month when he was arrested on identity theft and drug possession charges while allegedly lurking around a hospital wearing surgical scrubs and flirting with women. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-361654-340060
As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of the season. When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area. "Look, honey," one man said to his wife. "Here comes your anesthesiologist."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Monk Re: Free 411 Dear Mr. Webby, Sorry for bothering you Dude but I seem unable to find he issue that has 2 or 3 different numbers for Information other than 411, one can use on the cell phone. Sorry it's been a long time since I have even been here on this computer. Now all I have to do is play catch up. That's a lot of reading & voting that's gotta be done for sure Sir. Well until next time, Always remember to "Cherish each precious day & Embrace its wonders." monk Dear Monk When you need to use the 411 / information option, simply dial 1-800-FREE-411 or 1-800-373-3411 without incurring a charge. Let me know if it works in your area. Have FUN! Dear Webby

Thanks to Vlad for this story: I've heard some recent rumblings about fish actually feeling pain, contrary to what fishermen have been saying for hundreds of years. PETA, of course, is calling for all fishermen to "lay down their reels." But let me tell you about a new breed of fish the Department of the Interior was trying to create. They started by crossing the Koho Salmon with a Walleye Pike and called the new fish a Ko-Wal. The results were perfect. The fish tasted great, reproduced well and was just what they wanted but only one thing. No one would go fishing for it because it wouldn't fight. It wasn't any fun so it was back to the drawing board. Then they found the answer. They crossed the Ko-Wal with the Musky, the greatest fighting game fish ever. Now they had a fish that tasted great and fought like hell. Only problem was, when they named it Kowalsky, it drowned

Deeli's Kudos Correction on yesterday's Kudo links: http://onegirloneride.com/ http://www.millelacscountytimes.com/ May 21, 2008 - Othello, Washington - AP Like Michelle and Erica Wheeler, lots of twins have a special closeness, sharing likes and dislikes, good times and tough going. The Wheelers also have something else in common, graduating from the 850-student high school in this Eastern Washington town as valedictorians the only ones this year with perfect grade point averages. ''We're attached at the hip,'' Michelle joked. ''It's easy to confide in each other,'' Erica said. ''We can help each other through difficulties.'' Both took advance placement classes, including English, science and calculus, ''the toughest courses we offer at the high school,'' school counselor Norma Gonzalez said. They're also active in Future Farmers of America, play on the softball team Michelle as pitcher and Erica as catcher and lead the Leo Club, a teen auxiliary of the Lions Club, with Michelle as president and Erica vice president. ''You would love to have a classroom of them,'' math teacher Laurie Stickel said. ''They're good, wholesome kids.'' Both plan to enroll at Washington State University in Pullman, study pharmacy and live in the same dormitory, but Michelle said they expect to be less involved in each other's lives. ''Things will probably be different over there,'' she said. http://www.happynews.com/news/5202008/t ... ington.htm

Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband. "Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from Mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?" "Er, yes, I did," said the husband. "But I couldn't spell convenience, so I made it risk."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. She called to remind the people at the clerk's office that she was exempt because of her age. "You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms," they said. "I've already done that," she replied. "I did it last year." "You have to do it every year," she was told. "Why?" came the response. "Do you think I'm going to get younger?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Petals
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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