Dear Webby: Cooler computers run faster 

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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  July 5, 2008

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving. --- Albert Einstein
A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters' place. They put up a big bold sign which read: "WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!" Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign: "WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS"
I had received the Beer Store and the Pot of Gold pictures years apart, but finally found both of them on the same day while sorting pictures and put them together.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lasse Jonsson, of Malmoe, Sweden Sent in by Ross Most ridiculous commuter Fri Jul 4, 10:14 AM ET STOCKHOLM (AFP) - A man deemed to have the shortest and "most ridiculous commute" in Malmoe has won a bicycle as part of a campaign to reduce car traffic in the southern Swedish city , an organiser said Friday. "A man called Lasse Jonsson won the contest after his girlfriend Anna Holm signed him up. He drives his car every day less than 200 metres (650 feet) between his home and workplace, and also drives another few hundred metres to lunch," Sara Forslund told AFP. Forslund is one of the organisers of Malmoe's municipal campaign called "No ridiculous car journeys".
A murder has been committed. Police are called to an apartment and find a woman standing, holding a 5-iron in his hands, looking at the lifeless body of a man on the floor. The detective asks, "Sir, is that your husband?" "Yes." "Did you hit him with that golf club?" "Yes. Yes, I did," the woman answers. She stifles a sob, drops the club and puts her hands on her head. "How many times did you hit her?" "I don't know. Five . . . six . . . put me down for a five."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Re:Cool computers are faster No Questions today, so I'll write about a timely concern. In summer it is even more important to keep your computer cool. When the CPU heats up, it shifts to a slower speed, and the fans in the computer shift to higher speeds. That not only cranks up the power bill, but it attracts more dust bunnies into the computer, which compounds the problem. If you want to speed up your computer, don't constipate it with speeder-upper and registry messer programs, just turn it off, open the cover, and vacuum it out. Depending on how long you have neglected it, you may have to pop the fan shrouds and go after the heat sinks with Q-Tips or pipe cleaners. Nowadays the fan shrouds are just snap fit and don't require any tools to pop them off. The heat sink underneath the fan shroud is the key to cooling. If it is not clean and bright and shiny, it is not transferring the CPU heat to the air properly. Even though the heat sink is usually removable, it's not a good idea to take it off and tossing it into the dishwasher. If you do take it off, you will notice a white, sticky mess on the back of it. That is heat sink grease, which fills the microscopic gaps and low spots between the CPU and the heat sink and ensures that the entire CPU is cooled, and not just three high spots. If you do remove the heat sink, you have to clean the now hardened heat sink grease off it and apply a fresh dab of it to it, before putting it back onto the CPU. Every electronics store sells it, and it's no big deal to put a little dab of grease onto it, but if you don't have any heat sink grease handy, then don't take the heat sink off. Just clean it where it is. Q-Tips and fuzzy pipe cleaners work best. If you need to use liquid, rubbing alcohol, gas line anti-freeze or lock-de-icer work best. Five minutes of cleaning can make a very noticeable difference in your computer's performance. By the way, set your hard drives and monitor to turn off after 5 minutes of inactivity. When you are not actively using the machine, they are just dumb heaters. You don't need a screen saver to amuse the cat or the dust bunnies, and you don't really need them to give the air conditioning an extra 150 Watts worth of heat to remove. You pay for the 150 Watts of heating, and probably twice that for the air conditioner to get rid of it. Have FUN! Dear Webby

Three women died and went to heaven. At the gate they met St. Peter who asked them how they died. Woman 1: St. Peter I have always been a good woman. I was happily married and I never had an outside relationship. One day I went for a walk and my heart gave out on me. St. Peter: Bless you my child. Take the golden key and go the golden door. Your reward will be with you soon. Woman 2: St Peter I was also a good woman, but I cheated on my husband a couple of times. I went out one day to meet my lover and was killed in a car crash. St. Peter: Forgiveness is a part of life here. Take the silver key and go to the silver door. Your reward will be with you soon. Woman 3: St Peter, I had sex with everybody. I loved it so much. One of my lovers caught me betraying him and killed me. St. Peter: Take this key and go to my door, I will be there with you soon.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Yard Sales - Advertising Your Yard Sale The best and cheapest way to advertise a yard sale is with good signs. The further away from your home you put the signs, the more potential customers you will draw to your sale. Make sure that both the date of the sale and your address are printed on the signs as well as a large arrow directing people to your sale. Yard Sale Finds: Turning Trash Into Treasure Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer." the man began, "I can explain". "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..." "But officer, I just wanted to say...." "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: The Smithsonian
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from
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