Dear Webby: Yahoos 

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It's Wednesday,  July 30, 2008

People everywhere confuse what they read in newspapers with news. --- A. J. Liebling
For the umpteenth time Mrs. Youngston came to her parish priest to tell him, "Father, I'm so scared! Joe says he's going to kill me if I continue to come to your church." "Yes, yes, my child," replied Father Francis McCrady, more than a little tired of hearing this over and over. "I will continue to pray for you, Mrs. Youngston. Have faith - the Lord will watch over you." "Oh yes, Father, he has kept me safe thus far, only....." "Only what, my child?" "Well, Father, now he says if I keep coming to your church, he's going to kill YOU!" "Well, now," said the priest, "Perhaps it's time to check out Father Lawrence Greider's parish over on the other side of town."
Thanks to Marie for sending thispicture: Near Bittinger, Colorado
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bakimci, from Syria Truck driver's sat nav gaffe A Syrian lorry driver taking luxury cars from Turkey to Gibraltar was sent on a 1,600 mile detour to Skegness, England by his sat nav. Birdwatchers at Skegness's Gibraltar Point looked on in astonishment as Necdet Bakimci tried to steer his 32-tonne lorry down a narrow lane towards the North Sea. When questioned by onlookers, he explained in broken English that he was looking for Coral Road on Gibraltar, reports the Daily Telegraph. It is thought that the confusion arose because his device had the Rock listed as UK territory and so directed him towards England. Steven Humphreys, 57, of Burgh le Marsh, Lincs, said: "He showed me his delivery docket. I had my laptop and found the place on Gibraltar. Amazingly, the guy didn't seem too upset." Eventually, Mr Bakimci arranged for his firm in Antakya, Turkey, to ship the cars to the correct destination from Birmingham and began his journey home. ------------ Skegness is about a third of the way up England's East coast.
Thanks to all the people who identified Deeli's bird as a Black-crowned Night Heron. It seems the Night Heron is totally different from the long necked and long legged white and blue Herons.
One day, two guys decide to take a drive to a local grocery store to get some lunch. On the way to the store they ran into an intersection with a stoplight. The light showed red. The man driving went right through the red light. The passenger looked at the driver and screamed, "What the heck are you doing? You're going to get us killed!" The driver responded, "Don't worry, my mother always drives like this." So later on, the two guys came to another stoplight and that too was red. The driver sped right through the light. Again the passenger looked at the driver and said, "I thought I told you, you're gonna get us killed! Would you please stop this nonsense!" The driver looked at the passenger and responded, "All right! I get it but I told you My mother drives like this all the time!" Again, the two guys ran into another light. This time in was green. The Driver slammed on his brakes and stopped the car totally. "What the hell are you doing?" The passenger screamed. "This is the third time you almost got us killed. Why did you stop at a green light?" "Well, my mother might be coming the other way!" The driver said.
In case you missed the link yesterday: Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: martha Re: Yahoo mail As you can readily see in regards to the e-mail below, for some odd reason the only part of the e-mail that is readable is the advertisements. What happened to the actual content of humor at Please advise, thank you. Dear Martha Yahoo figures that is good enough for the silly yahoos who don't want to get real email. The content is there, and when you hit Reply, you will see it. If you don't, Yahoo hides it from you and makes you look silly. There is nothing I can do about Yahoo messing with you. When you are ready to get standard and proper email, I'll gladly send you a referral to gmail. Have FUN! DearWebby

A beautiful young woman went into the hospital for a minor operation. On the day of her operation, the nurses prepared her and wheeled her down to the operating theatre, and left her lying outside on a trolley for a few minutes. While she was lying there, a young man in a white coat came along, lifted her gown up, and began to examine her naked body. He then went away and consulted with another colleague in a white coat. They both returned and examined her again. A third colleague was called over, and he too began to examine her. By this time, the young lady was becoming quite frustrated at the long wait for her operation, and asked the white coated individuals: "Look, I don't mind you examining me, but when is this bloody operation going to start?" "We haven't got a clue," came the reply, "we're just the painters."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Firewood Tips: Find Dry (Seasoned) Wood It takes 8 to 12 months to dry (season) wood for burning so unless you have wood on hand already, you will want to purchase dry wood. Dry wood burns longer, cleaner and produces greater heat. Unseasoned wood creates a potentially dangerous creosote buildup in your chimney. Visit ThriftyFun For More Tips By Clicking Here If you dry the wood in your yard, pile it onto plastic sewer pipe runners. That not only blocks most of the creepy-crawlies, but it speeds up the drying quite dramatically. The electrical and moisture insulation somehow makes a huge difference. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

Thaks to Lilly for this one: Being a newspaper photographer, my husband would often get home late with the excuse "I had to shoot a car wreck," or "I had to shoot a football game." Once, some unexpected company dropped by and asked how late my husband would be. "I don't know," I replied, not intending to shock them. "He has to shoot the governor."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Oil Sands Discovery Center
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from
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