Dear Webby: Page Numbering in Open Office 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  August 1, 2008

Today is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. --- Woody Allen It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument. --- William G. McAdoo
Ending his sermon, a preacher announced that he would preach on Noah and the Ark on the following Sunday, and gave the scriptural reference for the congregation to read ahead of time. A couple of boys noticed something interesting about the placement of the story in the Bible. They slipped into the church and glued two pages of the pulpit Bible together. The next Sunday, the preacher got up to read his text. "Noah took unto himself a wife," he began, "and she was" - he turned the page to continue - "three hundred cubits long, fifty wide and thirty high." He paused, scratched his head, turned the page back, read it silently, and turned the page again. Then he looked up at his congregation and said, "I've been reading this old Bible for near fifty years, but there are some things in it that are hard to believe."
Thanks to Myrea fom fairiesworld, for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Edward Zajac, Swinoujscie, Poland Nudist Germans looking too god for Polish Voyeurs German nudists have been told to cover up on a beach after the removal of border fences with Poland. The view of nature lovers - which has so upset Polish politicians on the Baltic coast that they're accusing the Germans of being "perverts" - only came to light because of new EU rules. But German holiday-makers say their neighbours are only getting an eyeful because they use binoculars. Polish councillor Edward Zajac from the Swinoujscie region on Poland's north west coastal border says the sight of naked Germans on the nearby beach is offensive and that "undressing is a perversion". But now German nudists have torn their neighbours off a strip for kinky voyeurism. "This is a beach for nudists," said German tourist Elke Bernhol. "It's terrible the way Poles come over fully clothed and stare." "We feel like monkeys in a zoo," said another, Ines Muller. "Poles come with binoculars, gape at us and swear." The nude beach had been hidden for decades but became visible when Poland joined the EU's Schengen agreement on a borderless Europe last December and took down border fences that had blocked views onto the beach.
Police Quotes "The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile." "So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, right?" "Warning! You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket, just like this one." "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?" "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
"If you had a quarter," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?" "One quarter." answered little Johnny. The teacher shook her head and said, "You don't know your arithmetic, do you, Johnny?" Little Johnny shook his head, too, "You don't know my father."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Walter Re: Page Numbering in Open Office Hi Dear Webby, I am once more looking for your invaluable help. In today's HL you mention Open Office. I just downloaded it and can't figure out how to insert page numbers in the lower right hand corner of documents. Thank you once again, Walter Dear Walter ALT I R (Insert, FooteR) makes a footer. If it is not already there, put the cursor into the footer Type "Page "and a space, without the quotes, of course. ALT I D P (Insert, FielD, Page Number) Type "of "and a space ALT I D C (Insert, FielD, pageCount) CTRL A (Select All) CTRL R (Shove all the footer stuff over to the right side) The result will be: Page 1 of 7 You can of course format the font and size, add date, time, title, etc. The main difference is that you hit ALT I R first to deliberately make a footer. Have FUN! DearWebby

A man who suffered from impotence went to see a doctor, who gave him a monkey gland implant, which worked perfectly. Nine months and two weeks later, his wife had a baby. When the nurse came out of the delivery room with the news, he asked, "Is it a boy or a girl?" "We won't know until it comes down off the chandelier"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080701@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reducing Weight of Large Flowerpots When filling huge flowerpots, reduce the weight and the amount of soil you need by filling the bottom with recycled styrofoam peanuts or even chunks of styrofoam. I get pieces when I need them from the dumpster behind a furniture and accessories store. Visit ThriftyFun for more Creative Planter Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Gardening_Cre ... 7_509.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A well-built young lady was lying on her psychiatrist's couch, telling him how frustrated she was. "I tried to be an actress and failed," she complained. "I tried to be a secretary and failed; I tried being a writer and failed; then I tried being a sales clerk and I failed at that, too." The shrink thought for a moment and said... "Everyone needs to live a full, satisfying life. Why don't you try nursing?" The girl thinks about this, then bares one of her breasts, points it at the shrink, and says "Well go ahead, I'll give it a try!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Spearville Wind Farm
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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