Dear Webby: How to recognize an infection 



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Good Morning,  !
It'sSunday,  August 3, 2008

Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment. --- Barry LePatner Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. -- Jane Wagner “Obama was in Germany [last week], and a lot of people showed up. There was so many Germans shouting and screaming insults and obscenities, that France surrendered again.”
It's forty below zero one winter night in Alaska. Pat is drinking at his local saloon and the bartender says to him, "You owe me quite a bit on your tab." "Sorry," says Pat, "I'm flat broke this week." "That's okay," says the bartender. "I'll just write your name and the amount you owe me right here on the wall." Pat says, "But, I don't want any of my friends to see that." "They won't," says the bartender. "I'll just hang your parka over it until it's paid."
Thanks to Marie for sending this picture: Ooops! The dog is going to get yelled at.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Best Solicitors law firm in Sheffield, England Divorce letter was mistake A happily married couple were stunned to receive a lawyer's letter saying their divorce had been finalised. John Kitteridge, 65, and wife Joan have been married for 36 years, reports the Sheffield Star. Joan, 59, who burst into tears when she read the letter said: "I couldn't believe what I was reading. I knew deep down it couldn't be true but it was still such a shock. "We've had our ups and downs like any couple! But we'd never get divorced." Security guard John had been working nights and was in bed when the post arrived. He said: "If it had been an old lady or an elderly man who had received it, they could have suffered a heart attack. How does a mistake like that even happen? "We dealt with the same solicitors three years ago on an unrelated legal matter, but everything should be on computers these days so it must have shown up that we weren't getting a divorce." Sheffield-based Best Solicitors apologised and said the mistake had been made after a standard template letter was sent to the Kitteridges. They said details inside the letter, referring to divorce, should have been changed but had been missed.
A farmer had been taken several times by the local car dealer. One day, the car dealer informed the farmer that he had hit a cow on the road the night before, and needed to buy one to replace it, and that he was coming over to purchase a cow. The farmer priced his cow as follows: Basic cow . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 499.95 Shipping and handling . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35.75 Extra stomach . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 79.25 Two tone exterior . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 142.10 Produce storage compartment . . . . . . . . . . . . 126.50 Heavy duty straw chopper . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 189.60 Four spigot/high output, milk system . . . . . . . 149.20 Automatic fly swatter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 88.50 Genuine cowhide upholstery . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 179.90 Deluxe dual horns . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59.25 Automatic fertilizer attachment . . . . . . . . . 339.40 4 x 4 traction drive assembly . . . . . . . . . . . 884.16 Pre delivery wash and comb . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 69.80 FARMERS SUGGESTED LIST PRICE: . . 2,843.36 Additional dealer adjustments: . . . . . . . . . . 300.00 TOTAL LIST PRICE (Including installed options): $3143.36
Deciding to take up jogging, James was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store. While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it. "What's this little pocket thing here on the side for?" "Oh, that's for cab fare home, when you've jogged too far."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Vickster Re: How to tell that your computer is infected Dear Webby, Sorry to be a pest here with my 76 yr old gray cells! It's a subject that's come up before by other readers and I've wondered, but never asked. Regarding today's "Tech Pits" item: how in the world does one determine they have been infected with something (let alone know what it is!) if none of their programs can detect it?! Vickster Dear Vickster If you have unexpected pop-ups or slow-downs, and see weird stuff in the Task Manager (CTRL ALT DEL), then you check what that weird stuff is about. It would probably be a good idea if you had a look at your task manager, and maybe even print it out. That way you can compare it if you suspect a problem. Have FUN! DearWebby

Get this." said a guy to his friends, "Last night, while I was down at the bar with you guys, a burglar broke into my house. "Did he get anything?" his friends asked. The guy said, "Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs." One of his friends ask, "Whoa! But...how???" The guy answered, "Well, it was really late at night and my wife thought it was me coming home drunk!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Rolling Existing Car Loans Into a New Car Purchase Don't buy a new car if you haven't paid off your old one, unless you have equity accumulated. Dealers roll the existing loan into the new car financing, owing more than the car is worth. This is a bad situation for the borrower but a good one for the dealer. Visit ThriftyFun for moreCar Buying Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cars_Buying%2 ... 6_130.html Visit ThriftyFun for more Christmas Budget Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/search.ldml?q ... act=Search Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A Young Aussie was enjoying his first night in Rome drinking cappuccino at a pavement cafe when a pretty girl sat beside him. "Hello," he said. "Do you understand English?" "Only a little," she answered. "How much?" he asked. "Fifty dollars," she replied....

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Glass Bottles in the Making
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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