Dear Webby: Fake Flash Player update nudge 

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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  August 6, 2008

It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway. --- Evan Esar,
A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of red roses. "Tsk Tsk!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help." So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?" "Fishin', sir." "Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?" The old man stood, put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of vodka and a fine cigar. His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch today ?" The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Virginia DMV and Geralynn Banks Government con-artists? PORTSMOUTH, Va. (UPI) -- A Portsmouth, Va., woman said she is being sued by the state for $75,000 after she backed into another car during a Department of Motor Vehicles road test. Antoinette Bowser said she learned recently -- two years after the failed road test -- that the state expects her to pay the fine to cover the medical expenses and lost wages of the DMV employee administering the test, The (Norfolk, Va.) Virginian-Pilot reported. The state's lawsuit claims Bowser hit the car with such "force and violence" that the employee, Geralynn Banks, suffered "great pain of body and mind." However, Bowser said she recalls the accident as a minor fender-bender. "I know I walked away. And I know she walked away," she told the newspaper. Bowser, who has yet to get her driver's license, said she doesn't know how she could afford to pay the fine. "I don't have $75,000 laying around," Bowser said to The Virginian-Pilot. Copyright 2008 by United Press International ------------ Normally instructors and testers are responsible for the actions and results of their clients, and their insurance covers it all. Personally, when I see "great pain of body and mind." due to a minor fender bender, my BS detector beeps.
A woman went to a discount store to purchase several items. When she finally got to the checker, she learned one of her items had no price. She thought she'd die of embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "Price check on lane thirteen. Tampax. Supersize." As if that wasn't bad enough, the person looking for the price misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "Thumbtacks." In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom, "Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?"
Thanks to Bri for this one: My boyfriend and I were at my son's volleyball game when we noticed an adult couple in the bleachers. They were being VERY affectionate. She was running her hands all over him and nibbling on his ear. He had his hands on her chest. I said to my boyfriend, "I don't know whether to watch them or the game." He said, "Watch THEM! You already KNOW how to play volleyball...."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Express Empress Re: Fake Flash Player update Is this scary stuff about fake Flash player updates real, or just scaremongering? Cheers EE Dear EE It is real, though not very common in NorthAmerica yet. So far it seems to be confined mostly to Europe. If some site tells you that you need to update your flash player to see what they got, don't click on anything, just get out of there fast, before you get skunked with trojans and back-doors. If you think your Flash player needs to be updated or upgraded, close all browser windows, open a new one and go straight to, click on Downloads and select Flash Player. The same advice of course also goes for update nudges for other programs, like Media Player. Always go to the real and legitimate source. Have FUN! DearWebby

A farmer called my veterinary office and asked me to make a house call. Because the road was closed, he parked his ancient pickup in a field for me to drive the rest of the way. But once behind the wheel, I realized the brakes didn't work. The truck sped toward the stable, across the farmyard, into the barn, and embedded itself in a gigantic haystack. Sweating, I climbed out and apologized. "Don't worry," the farmer said to me. "That's how I stop the truck too."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Inexpensive Camping Bowl An empty plastic soda bottle, cut off to a convenient height, will work as a camp bowl. You may want to sandpaper the cut to smooth the edge. Then you can just toss it when you return home. Visit ThriftyFun For More Recreation Tips by clicking here. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

A little boy got lost at the YWCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter -- haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Pilobolus
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from
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