Dear Webby: Yahoo malfunction 

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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  August 25, 2008

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. --- Totie Fields She had an unequalled gift... of squeezing big mistakes into small opportunities. --- Henry James
Thanks to Ross for bringing back this classic: Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home in Ft. Lauderdale reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny. The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece. The third old lady remarked, 'I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about.
Thanks to Dad for sending this picture: This one bloomed today. (Echinocereus brandegeei)
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon." Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago." Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was it she asked about?" The clerk smiled and said... "Parking lot robberies." An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jeanne Shahan of Hallandale beach, Florida Police: Grandma left kids in car at casino HALLANDALE BEACH, Fla. (UPI) -- Police in Hallandale Beach, Fla., said a grandmother has been arrested after she left her two grandchildren in the car while she gambled inside a casino. Investigators said Jeanne Shahan left the children, a 14 year old boy and a 2 year old girl, in her car with the windows rolled up for at least an hour and 15 minutes while she gambled at the Mardi Gras Casino, WFOR-TV, Fort lauderdale, Fla., reported Wednesday. "The children seem fine," said Daniel Adkins, a representative from the Mardi Gras Casino. "We brought them inside and they both cooperated, gave us the name of who they were here with and we were able to locate the grandmother." Shahan was charged with two counts of aggravated child neglect.
When Kevin came home, his wife, Liz, was crying. "Your mother insulted me," Liz sobbed. "My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the world?" Kevin asked. "I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious." "And?" "At the end of the letter it said, 'P.S. Dear Liz, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son."
The first mate on a ship decided to celebrate an occasion with a "little" stowed away rum. Unfortunately he got drunk and was still drunk the next morning. The captain saw him drunk and when the first mate was sober, showed him the following entry in the ship's log: "The first mate was drunk today." "Captain, please don't let that stay in the log," the first mate pleaded. "This could add months or even years, to my becoming a captain myself." "Is it true?" asked the captain, already knowing the answer. "Yes, it's true," the first mate said, lowering his head. The captain growled, "Then if it is true it must be written in the log. That's the rule. If it's true it goes into the log. End of discussion." Weeks later, it was the first mate's turn to make the log entries. The first mate wrote: "The ship seems in good shape. The captain was sober today."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: William Re: Yahoo malfunction Dear Webby, When I open you letter now, I get all the ads on the left just fine, however there is nothing on the right in the body of the letter. So I clicked "reply" to write this message and now I can read everything in the body of the letter on my "reply" message. This is on a yahoo acount that I have been using for better than 10 years. However, they seem to have made so changes as of late to the way it operates. Any clues? Thanks, William Dear William That is just a routine Yahoo malfunction. As you saw, you DID receive the entire Humor Letter, they just don't let you see it, until you threaten to reply or forward. Probably they are sick and tired of you and want you to graduate and get a grown-ups type address. Many thousands have graduated, and you can do it too! Have FUN! DearWebby

An Irish man walks into a pub and the bartender asks him, "What'll you have?" The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness, please." So, the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. Then he orders three more. The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one." The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So, right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together." The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition. Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more. The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died." The man said, "Oh, me brothers are fine. Me wife made me join the baptists and it's me who had to quit drinking.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Buyer Protection For Online Auction Purchases PayPal and other programs provide buyer protection for online auctions. The problem with this protection is that it doesn't necessarily cover the full price of your bid. Purchases are currently protected for only up $1,000, so expensive items will only be partially covered. For More ThriftyFun Shopping Tips, Click Here ... 2_472.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here: The 2009 Farmers Almanac, due to go on sale later this week, predicts that there won't be any Gullible Warming tis coming winter. That means heating fuel prices will increase between now and March. Get your firewood, heating oil, propane, pellets, coal, cornhusks, whatever, as soon as you can afford. None of them spoil, and you will need lots this coming winter. DearWebby

A couple had been married for 45 years, had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replied, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: West Texas
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from
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