Dear Webby: Replacement for Outlook 

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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  September 14, 2008

Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself. --- Jane Wagner A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies. --- Oscar Wilde A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. --- Milton Berle
It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father. "Let's try to make this look natural," she said. "Junior, put your arm around your dad's shoulder." The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand on my wallet?"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Hilton Head, South Carolina School administrators Sent in by Walter, the Sonecarver fourth grader suspended for using broken pencil sharpener A 10-year-old Hilton Head Island boy has been suspended from school for having something most students carry in their supply boxes: a pencil sharpener. The problem was his sharpener had broken, but he decided to use it anyway. A teacher at Hilton Head Island International Baccalaureate Elementary School noticed the boy had what appeared to be a small razor blade during class on Tuesday, according to a Beaufort County sheriff's report. It was obvious that the blade was the metal insert commonly found in a child's small, plastic pencil sharpener, the deputy noted. The boy -- a fourth-grader described as a well-behaved and good student -- cried during the meeting with his mom, the deputy and the school's assistant principal. He had no criminal intent in having the blade at school, the sheriff's report stated, but was suspended for at least two days and could face further disciplinary action. ----------------- Police report: [media_islandpacket_com] Btw., police reported that there was no criminal attempt, and that the kid had a ONE inch long recently sharpened pencil. To me, that would be an indication that the kid did not have the money for a new pencil sharpener, and the situation could and should have been resolved by giving or lending him a working pencil sharpener, and a longer pencil. Now the kid has a record! When he applies for admission to a college or university, he has to answer YES to the question if he has ever been suspended.
Joe walked into his wife's room one day. "If I were disfigured, would you still love me?" he asked her. "Darling, I'll always love you," she said calmly, filing her nails. "How about if I became crippled and couldn't hug you any more?" he asked nervously. "Don't worry, darling, I'll always love you," she told him, buffing her nails. "Well, how about if I lost my job as vice president?" Joe went on, "If I wasn't making six figures any more, would you still love me then?" The woman looked over at her husband's worried face. "Joe, I'll always love you," she reassured him, "but I would really miss you."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Oscar Re: Professional Email Dear Webby We have used Microsoft Outlook for years. I have to admit that it has some nice features, but the inevitable Outlook crashes that take a user's data with it, are just not tolerable in business. With close to hundred employees, there is about one per week who loses all her mail. It's pretty sad if you have to print all the email to keep a trail. I know you favor Eudora, but it is no longer supported. What else do you suggest? We can't use gmail or anything like that, since we need folders for each client, and sub-folders in those for different projects. Oscar Dear Oscar I have used Eudora since '93, and have never had to contact them for support, and neither have any of my employees. I won't let the lack of vendor support hold me back from installing it onto new machines, and one of these days Eudora 8 (Open Source) will come out of Beta and be ready for prime time. There is also good old Pegasus from It has been stable since 1992, and I don't know of anybody who ever lost any mail with Pegasus. Pegasus is free. With close to 100 employees you are probably pretty close to switching to Linux. Pegasus has a Linux version, allowing you to make a gradual switch and simply put Linux on all new machines. Your employees will still be using Pegasus for mail and productivity won't be affected. Like Eudora, Pegasus will appear "industrial" to users who expect "cutesy", but in a business environment that is definitely not a handicap. Have FUN! DearWebby

A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night. Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up. Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing everyone in the place heard her, turns to the waiter and demands "Stop That!" The waiter looks at her dryly and says "Sure lady, which way did you fire it?"

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Daily tip from Cherry Tomatoes in a Marinate Salad When making a marinated salad with cherry or grape tomatoes in it, puncture the tomatoes. They will absorb more of the marinade. Visit ThriftyFun For More Food Tips ... o_916.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:  

An incompetent counterfeiter spent all day making his funny money. At the end of the day he realizes he spent all his time making $15 bills. He figures that the only way he's going to get anything from this batch of money, is to find a place where the people aren't too bright and change his phony money for real cash. He travels to a small town in West Virginia and walks into a small Mom and Pop grocery store. He goes to the old man behind the counter and asks him, "Do you have change for a $15 bill?" The old man replies, "Ah shore do...How would you like that? An 8 and a 7 or two 6s and a three?"

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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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