Dear Webby: Need Cookies 

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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  September 27, 2008

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; In practice, there is. --- Chuck Reid When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. --- Edward Abbey
Waiting for our aerobics class to begin, several of us were standing around in our leotards chatting about fitness and diets. One woman said that her brother-in-law had quit smoking, gone on a diet and lost weight all at the same time. Thinking to myself that no human being could possibly do this without acquiring at least one other undesirable habit for compensation, I jokingly asked her, "What did he start doing instead of these things?" After a slight pause, she smiled and said, "Well, I don't really know. I'll have to ask him when he gets out of jail."
Tech support people like me spend our days on the phone with customers. Many like to chat while waiting for their computers to reboot. One man told me he'd been a long-haul truck driver. I'd love to drive a big rig," I said, "but I'd worry about falling asleep at the wheel." "Here's a tip to stay awake," he offered. "Put a $100 bill in your left hand and hold it out the window."
Thanks to CC for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to twin sisters from Sweden attempting to get Darwin awards on England's M6 Freeway Sent in by Lillemor Suicidal Dingbats Motorway police have had to deal with two women spotted walking down the central reservation of the M6. The women, twin sisters from Sweden, ran in front of oncoming traffic after wrestling with the police. Video
Two men at a bar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past couple of hours and were pretty drunk when one of them notices a beautiful woman sitting in the corner. One says to the other, "Jeez, I'd really like to dance with that girl." The other man replies, "Well go ahead and ask her, don't be a chicken." The man approaches the lovely woman and says, "Excuse me. Would you be so kind as to dance with me?" Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says, "I'm sorry. Right now I'm concentrating on matrimony and I'd rather sit than dance." So the man humbly returns to his friend. "So what did she say?" asks the friend. The drunk responded, "She said she's constipated on macaroni and would rather sh*t in her pants."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Roland Re: Cookies needed Dear Webby, I get this message: Your browser is set to refuse cookies. In order to sign on, you will need to reset the option in your browser to accept cookies. Then refresh your screen, re-enter your username and password and click Sign On to begin banking. What is it that causes this? This comes in when I log into my bank account: Roland Dear Roland That is typical with banks. They use cookies as if they were the photo ID cards staff wears at airports and in some industry. They use them to pass you between departments. That is why I have been saying for years that you shouldn't just nuke ALL your cookies, if you do banking and bill paying on-line. You can weed out the cookies with CrapCleaner, and just keep the good ones. But first, you got to allow your browser to allow cookies. With most browsers that is in Tools, Options. Have FUN! DearWebby

One evening, I went with my parents to a fancy restaurant. Dad was about halfway through his meal when he took a hard look at the potato, called the waitress over and said, "This potato is bad!" To my utter amazement, the waitress at this "5-Star" place, picked the potato up, smacked it, put it back on the plate, then told my Dad, "If that potato causes any more trouble, just let me know."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Small Handy Tool Box Put together a small tool box for making minor repairs around the house. Fill it with the essentials: hammer, screw drivers, a chisel, pliers, scissors, a small level, a tape measure and anything else you find yourself needing frequently. Visit ThriftyFun For More Home Repair Tips Add some retractable blade box cutters, so that you don't have to use kitchen knifes for stuff they are not designed for. Also add duck tape, electrical tape, Crazy Glue and Goop. Crazy Glue works great for gluing handles back onto cups, Goop is for gluing flexible items, including leather and vinyl. It also works great for shoe soles. Bachelors might also want to add a tube of Speed-Sew. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG

When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write: 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times!"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Iconoclast Pictures
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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