Dear Webby: Register Antivirus XP 2008 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  September 29, 2008

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. ---G Gordon Liddy If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed." --- Mark Twain
Thanks to Liz for this story: We had made some changes in our lives. My husband had lost 50 pounds and after eight years of being a housewife, I had taken a job in a restaurant. When I returned home after my first day at work, I gave my husband a big hug. He seemed to cling to me longer than usual. "Did you really miss me that much today, dear?" I asked. "No," came the reply. "But you smell so much like pancakes that I hate to let you go."
After volunteering to fight for his country in WW II, Zimmerman joined his unit and lined up for his uniform. As equipment was issued in strict alphabetical order Zimmerman found himself at the back of the queue. By the time he reached the desk all the uniforms had been issued. There were none left. Zimmerman was issued with a badge that said "soldier" in red letters."You didn't want a scratchy old uniform anyway," the quartermaster said. "Join the line for your rifle." Zimmerman joined the back of the rifle queue. When he reached the front Zimmerman found that all the rifles had been distributed and then, once again, there were none left. "You don't want to kill people anyway," said the quartermaster. "I'll issue you with a stick and you can shout Bang Bang!" "Thank you," said Zimmerman, and joined the queue for bayonets. "Join the line for your bayonet." Once again, on reaching the desk Zimmerman was disappointed. The quartermaster issued him with a lollipop stick with the advice that he should shout "Sticky-sticky" when using it.....And so on. Within weeks Zimmerman found himself on the front lines shouting "Bang-bang" for all he was worth. On his second day the German enemy began a mass advance. One by one Zimmerman's unit were killed or wounded until only Zimmerman himself remained standing. "Bang-bang!" he shouted, and was amazed to see his German foes still falling. Soon they began to overwhelm his trench and Zimmerman began to stab wildly with his lollipop stick. "Sticky-sticky. Sticky-sticky." Astoundingly it worked. The enemy were dying at his feet. The survivors began to retreat. All, that is, with the exception of one man who was only half way across no-man's land and was still advancing slowly. Zimmerman took careful aim with his stick-rifle and calmly said; "Bang-Bang." The enemy soldier continued his advance. "Bang-bang, bang-bang, bangedy-bang-bang-bang," Zimmerman yelled frantically. Still he came. Before he could reach the trench Zimmerman leapt up and ran at him with the lollipop stick. "Sticky-sticky, he said. And then added "Stab-stab-stab," for good measure. The enemy soldier refused to die and stared at Zimmerman defiantly. By now Zimmerman had had enough. "Wait a minute, " he said. "When I shouted 'Bang' your comrades died, but not you. When I engaged them in hand-to-hand combat with my lollipop stick they fell over dead, but not you. What gives?" "Clankety-Clank, I'm a tank, " said Herr Zanker.
Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Arnold Gerber, 28, from Altenkirchen, Germany Farmer's 175 mile trip - by combine A German farmer caused traffic chaos after setting off on a 175-mile trip to visit a pal - in a combine harvester. Arnold Gerber, 28, from Altenkirchen, set off in the evening to avoid heavy traffic but soon caused a five mile tailback himself. He was stopped by police 30 miles into his journey and fined for driving too slowly - at the harvester's top speed of 15mph. Gerber said: "I took the combine harvester because I have never had a licence for a car, only a tractor. I did not think I would be doing anything wrong. "I have a friend who lives a long way away and he asked if I wanted to go and see him. I have been driving combine harvesters for years and have to take them along some roads now and again. "I know they are slow-moving vehicles but I thought I could miss most of the traffic by travelling at night. I was wrong." ---------- Obviously not the kind of combines you see thundering down the highways around here!
A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working and asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?" Her father sits her down and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation, erections, and wet-dreams. He covers a wide and varied assortment of sub topics and by the time he's finished, his daughter is somewhat awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge. Her father finally asks: "So why did you want to know about sex?" "Oh, mommy said to tell you lunch would be ready in a couple of secs."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Hank Re: Register Antivirus XP 2008 Dear Webby; I have been infected by "Register Antivirus XP 2008" I tried System Restore but it is frozen on today's date. Every program I start it takes over and starts a "free scan" of my computer. It says I am in a "Critical Security Problem" Its windows keep popping up with a security warning. How can I get back to where I can navigate and get rid of this? I removed it from "add or remove programs" but its still there. HELP Hank Dear Hank That is the same as the Antivirus XP 2008, that I wrote about on Sept 7 and Sept 9. Jerome told me: The most effective way of removing Antivirus 2008 is to have a professional do it, as there are 127 registry tweaks, and numerous files to clean out, run Hijack and verify all the data, then the most effective of all the scanners in its detection and deletion is A Squared http://snipurl.com/3og2i. A Squared is a good piece of software, but once it has done itís job, remove it, as it becomes a resource hog. Jerome After that, it would be a good idea to get some decent protection. You can't do a normal install of any of the top anti-virus and anti-malware programs, wile your machine is infected by Antivirus XP 2008. So, first clean up, then protect the machine. Have FUN! DearWebby

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Designate an Area In Your Fridge for Leftovers Leftovers usually need to be used first so create a space on the top shelf of your fridge just for leftovers. Also, try to use clear tupperware or glass jars for leftovers so you can see what is in them at a glance. Visit ThriftyFun For More Leftover Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... 6_951.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG

I took my daughter to the doctor for her 2-year-old checkup. They had her do coordination tests, like stacking blocks, and they watch and see if they walk properly. And then the doctor said, "Allison, can you jump on one foot for me?" So she walked over and jumped on his foot.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Master Crayon Artist
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 126 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.2 / 460 )

<<First <Back | 127 | 128 | 129 | 130 | 131 | 132 | 133 | 134 | 135 | 136 | Next> Last>>