Dear Webby: Visible Alert 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  October 14, 2008

The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself. --- Benjamin Franklin Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy. --- Cynthia Nelms
After deciding that their frail, elderly mother can no longer live alone, a family brings her to a nursing home, hoping she'll be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe the old woman, feed her a tasty breakfast, and sit her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems fine, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems fine, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask. "It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."
One morning a customer entered my flower shop and ordered a bouquet for his wife. "No card is necessary," he instructed us. "She'll know who sent them." The delivery truck hadn't even returned to the store when the phone rang. It was the customer's wife. "Who sent the flowers?" she asked. After explaining that the customer had requested that no card be included, I considered the matter closed. But a bit later, she came rushing in the front door. "You've got to tell me who sent the flowers," she demanded, "before my husband gets home for lunch!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Heidi Kohl, 89, of Rockenhausen, Germany Vandal granny to knit for victims An 89-year-old tire-slashing granny has been sentenced to knit sweaters for her victims. Heidi Kohl was arrested after a slashing spree in Rockenhausen, Germany. She said so many cars parked in and around her road that residents could not find a safe place to cross and she had tried to do something about it. She slashed the tires on dozens of cars thinking that it would put people off parking there. She said: "I was fed up with the situation." Police tracked her down after a car owner saw what she was doing and she was given a fine. As she had no cash to pay she offered to knit jumpers for her victims instead. "When she's knitted the sweaters, then the matter will be over for us," said a prosecution spokesman.
Thanks to Lynn for this story: Shortly after arriving at the University of Washington, I joined some new friends on a trip to nearby Vancouver, British Columbia. It was my first trip outside the United States. At the border, a customs officer asked how long we would stay in Canada. Knowing it would be after midnight when we returned, I asked, "How late will we be able to get back across the border?" "Any time, Ma'am," the officer said. "We never close the US.."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Thea Re: Visible alert Dear Webby I know this isn't necessarily a web or computer question, but you seem to have an engineers compulsion to help and improve things. OK, now that I have buttered you up, here is my question. I have lost my hearing and can't hear my door bell. I live in a rental and can't go rewire things, and the cutesy little chime is down by the door. Is there some solution to those problems? Thea Dear Thea There sure is! Go to X-10 Bell and get their Halloween special. It includes a motion detector that you aim from above the door down to the door mat. Don't aim it too far out, otherwise activity at your neighbor's house will set it off. Then you plug the transceiver and the lamp module in wherever you want a lamp or a fan. Then you simply plug a light or a fan into those. When somebody steps into the area covered by the sensor, the fan or the light comes on. That's all there is to it. Usually that kit costs around $60, but between now and Halloween they got it on special for $20. It also includes a portable chime for those who can hear. Like the lamp module, you can plug it in wherever you have an outlet that is on the same half of the breaker panel as the transceiver. Since the transmitter is good for about 100 feet, that should not be a problem. The motion detector is wireless and talks to the transceiver, which then puts a coded signal onto the electrical system in your house, similar to the way DSL is put onto the phone line. Any X-10 appliance module can read that signal. The motion sensor and the transceiver have a little code wheel that you set to the same number, so that it does not turn on other X-10 controlled stuff that you might have or get. You could, for example get another one for the back door, and turn on a different light with that one. X-10 is not something new. It has been around since the 60's. Have FUN! DearWebby

A minister, a priest and a rabbi were discussing when life begins. "Those of my faith," said the minister, "believe that life starts when the heart begins to beat." "We take a different view," said the priest. "We believe life starts at the moment of conception." "Well," said the rabbi, "it is our belief that life starts when the kids move out and the dog dies."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Spaghetti from Boiling Over Add a teaspoon of olive oil to your spaghetti water to prevent it from boiling over. Butter or another vegetable oil can be substituted for olive oil. A pat of butter also works well to prevent rice from boiling over. Visit Thrifty Fun For More Cooking Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... 6_930.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thursday at 5:00 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Migratory Bird Center
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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