Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  October 15, 2008

The man who insists on seeing with perfect clearness before 
he decides, never decides.
--- Henri-Frédéric Amiel

The only function of economic forecasting is to make 
astrology look respectable.
--- John Kenneth Galbraith


Thanks to Roland for this Classic:
I needed some supplies from a Sunday school cupboard that
was seldom used and was secured with a lock. I didn't know
the combination, but our clergyman offered to give it a try.

Father Jack placed his fingers on the lock's dial and raised
his eyes heavenward for a moment. Then he confidently spun
the dial and opened the lock.

Seeing how impressed I was with this demonstration of faith,
he smiled and confided, "The numbers are written on the
ceiling."


The church  was having a play, and one of the women was 
supposed to say, "The ass stuck his head out the window 
and brayed."
The woman didn't want to say "ass" in church and asked if 
she could change the word to "donkey".

The other members insisted that she call it an ass, because 
that's what it was called in the Bible. One person reminded 
her of the story about Jesus riding an ass into Jerusalem.

The woman worried about her line right up until the fateful 
day of the pplay.
When her turn came, she stood up in front of the congregation 
and said, 
"The donkey stuck his ass out the window and prayed."



Thanks to Denjan for this picture:



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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to water board workers in Marino, Italy

Sent in by Deeli

Changed water into wine
Rome, Italy - The Telegraph

Sparkling chilled white wine instead of water flowed from the 
taps during the Marino Grape Festival and as part of the event 
free wine flows from the main fountain in the square too. 

However, due to a technical error the pipes from the local 
vineyard which supply the marble fountain were switched to 
the domestic supply feeding homes at Marino, in the famous 
wine-making Alban Hills, south of Rome. 

When mayor Adriano Palozzi, a priest and locals gathered 
round the fountain following a prayer of thanks to the Virgin Mary, 
with plastic glasses at the ready for Marino DOC they were left 
disappointed as instead of fresh wine, out poured the usual water. 

Then came the shout of "miracolo" from one house overlooking 
the square and a local rushed out onto her balcony to reveal 
that wine was flowing from her kitchen tap. 

One local named as Anna said, "I was in the kitchen ready to 
do the housework and filled up a bucket with water. 
"I was going to mop the floor with it but I immediately noticed a 
sweet smell from the tap and it was also slightly yellow - I 
recognized instantly it was wine. I called my neighbors and 
they turned on their taps and it was the same - the word quickly 
spread and everyone filled up bottles and plastic containers with 
the wine." 

"It all happened at the same time as Sagra dell Uva Grape Festival 
so everyone thought it was a miracle - I don't think that the mayor 
and the other officials were very happy though." 

Mayor Palozzi said: "It was a surprise and completely unexpected - 
workmen are fixing the problem which obviously came about through 
a technical error. 



A bride called to make a change to her wedding registry.
It is common, almost expected, that a bride will change
something on her registry at least once (dishes, color of towels,
etc.). The Customer Service Representative told her
that J.C. Penney would be happy to make the
change. He asked if the bride wanted to change the dishes or the
linens.

The bride said, "No, keep all that. I just wanted to change
the name of the groom."


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Carol
Re: PDF

Dear Webby
Do I understand you correctly in that we can download Open Office 
at your tool box site, copy our word documents over to Open Office 
because Open Office will convert the document to a PDF?  If I'm 
correct so far, does that mean we can also save it as a PDF and 
open it as a PDF?
 
I have copied PDF files, wanting to use them some place else and 
when I open the PDF file to read it I get mumbo-jumbo...all types of 
alphabet and numbers mixed up (like a code).
 
This procedure (Word to PDF and save as PDF and open PDF and 
be able to read it) would be great and very handy for me.
 
Thank you for your continued help.  I do not miss a day of reading 
your Web site!
Carol

Dear Carol
yes, Open Office will open your WORD, WordPerfect, whatever, 
documents and spreadsheets, and even lets you save them in those 
formats, not just in industry standard, platform independent 
Open Document spec. For example, if you have an aunt that 
still uses StarWriter, you can save it in that format too.

If you need something in PDF format, for example a contract 
or form, to make sure that nobody can make changes on it, 
and to make sure everybody sees it in exactly the same way, 
no matter what kind of computer they use, or to upload it to Staples 
for printing thousands of copies, 
then you hit ALT F, D 
(or click on File, Export as PDF ), and it makes a PDF file.
That action not destroy or change your document or it's name or 
format. It's just like a Print To File, 
or a snapshot of how it would look if printed at that moment..

PDF is a one way street. Think of it as a picture of how a print job
would look like, if you printed it right now, and have that picture
exported as a PDF file for printing later, when your paper order gets
delivered, or when you get a moment of privacy at the big laser 
printer at work.

If you think you might want to edit it some day, then you keep 
the original file, from which you exported a print job snapshot 
to PDF, edit that, and make a fresh export.

To read PDF files you use FoxIt or Adobe Reader, or any PDF 
reader. They are free in my tool box at http://webby.com/tools

Just keep in mind that PDF files are viewable print jobs,
not editable text files.
You edit the document or spreadsheet, which you "printed" to 
PDF format, not the snapshot picture.

Because it is nearly impossible to "harvest" a PDF file, when 
you write an eBook and print it to PDF, nobody can just edit it 
a bit and put their name in there as the author. The same goes 
for invoices, contracts, RFQ's (Request for Quotes), etc. 
People can't change them. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one
 of her kindergarten students put on his boots? He
 asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling
 and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on.

 When the second boot was on, she had worked up
 a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy
 said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked
 and sure enough, they were.

 It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it
 was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as
 together they worked to get the boots back on-
 this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These
 aren't my boots."

 She bit her tongue rather than get right in his
 face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted
 to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the
 ill-fitting boots off. He then said, "They're my brother's
 boots. My Mom made me wear them."

 She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She
 mustered up the grace and courage she had left to
 wrestle the boots on his feet again. She said,
 "Now, where are your mittens?" He said, "I stuffed them
 in the toes of my boots..."

 Her trial is set to start early next year.



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Don't Buy Items Under Stress
Don't buy items when you are stressed out or anxious. Always be
prepared to leave a store or a car lot if you don't feel
comfortable with your purchase. If you get home and have buyer's
remorse, go ahead at take the item back immediately. Any
reputable store will allow you to return the item.

Visit Thrifty Fun For More Consumer Advice
http://www.thriftyfun.com/Consumer%20Advice_1285.html

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


An American scientist once visited the offices of the great
Nobel Prize-winning physicist, Neils Bohr, in Copenhagen,
and was amazed to find that over his desk a horseshoe was
nailed to the wall.

The American said with a nervous laugh, "Surely you don't
believe that a horseshoe will bring you good luck, do you,
Professor Bohr?"

Bohr chuckled. "I believe no such thing, my good friend.
Not at all. I am scarcely likely to believe in such foolish
nonsense. However, I am told that a horseshoe will bring
you good luck whether you believe in it or not!"


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
Best Crosswords

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Dear Webby: Visible Alert 

Tuesday, October 14, 2008, 02:32 AM

   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  October 14, 2008

The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right 
to pursue happiness.  You have to catch it yourself.
--- Benjamin Franklin

Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy.
--- Cynthia Nelms

After deciding that their frail, elderly
mother can no longer live alone, a family
brings her to a nursing home, hoping
she'll be well cared for.

The next morning, the nurses bathe the old
woman, feed her a tasty breakfast, and sit
her in a chair at a window overlooking a
lovely flower garden.

She seems fine, but after a while she
slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair.

Two attentive nurses immediately rush up
to catch her and straighten her up.

Again she seems fine, but after a while
she starts to tilt to the other side.

The nurses rush back and once more bring
her back upright.

This goes on all morning.

Later the family arrives to see how the
old woman is adjusting to her new home.

"So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating
you all right?" they ask.

"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except
they won't let you fart."


One morning a customer entered my flower shop and ordered a
bouquet for his wife. "No card is necessary," he instructed
us. "She'll know who sent them." The delivery truck hadn't
even returned to the store when the phone rang. It was the
customer's wife. "Who sent the flowers?" she asked.

After explaining that the customer had requested that no card
be included, I considered the matter closed. But a bit later,
she came rushing in the front door. "You've got to tell me
who sent the flowers," she demanded, "before my husband gets
home for lunch!"






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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Heidi Kohl, 89, of Rockenhausen, Germany

Vandal granny to knit for victims

An 89-year-old tire-slashing granny has been sentenced to 
knit sweaters for her victims.

Heidi Kohl was arrested after a slashing spree in Rockenhausen, 
Germany.

She said so many cars parked in and around her road that 
residents could not find a safe place to cross and she had 
tried to do something about it. She slashed the tires on dozens 
of cars thinking that it would put people off parking there.
She said: "I was fed up with the situation."

Police tracked her down after a car owner saw what she was 
doing and she was given a fine. As she had no cash to pay 
she offered to knit jumpers for her victims instead.

"When she's knitted the sweaters, then the matter will be 
over for us," said a prosecution spokesman.



Thanks to Lynn for this story:
Shortly after arriving at the University of Washington, I
joined some new friends on a trip to nearby Vancouver,
British Columbia.  It was my first trip outside the United
States.

At the border, a customs officer asked how long we would stay in
Canada. Knowing it would be after midnight when we returned,
I asked, "How late will we be able to get back across the border?"

"Any time, Ma'am," the officer said. "We never close the US.."


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Thea
Re: Visible alert

Dear Webby
I know this isn't necessarily a web or computer question, 
but you seem to have an engineers compulsion to help and
improve things. OK, now that I have buttered you up, here is
my question. I have lost my hearing and can't hear my door
bell. I live in a rental and can't go rewire things, and the 
cutesy little chime is down by the door. 

Is there some solution to those problems?
Thea

Dear Thea 
There sure is!
Go to X-10 Bell and get
their Halloween special. It includes a motion detector that you
aim from above the door down to the door mat. Don't aim it too
far out, otherwise activity at your neighbor's house will set it off.
Then you plug the transceiver and the lamp module in wherever
you want a lamp or a fan. Then you simply plug a light or a fan
into those. When somebody steps into the area covered by the
sensor, the fan or the light comes on. That's all there is to it.

Usually that kit costs around $60, but between now and 
Halloween they got it on special for $20. It also includes a 
portable chime for those who can hear. Like the lamp module,
you can plug it in wherever you have an outlet that is on the
same half of the breaker panel as the transceiver. Since the
transmitter is good for about 100 feet, that should not be
a problem.

The motion detector is wireless and talks to the transceiver,
which then puts a coded signal onto the electrical system
in your house, similar to the way DSL is put onto the phone
line. Any X-10 appliance module can read that signal. 
The motion sensor and the transceiver have a little code
wheel that you set to the same number, so that it does not
turn on other X-10 controlled stuff that you might have or get.

You could, for example get another one for the back door,
and turn on a different light with that one.

X-10 is not something new. It has been around since the 60's.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A minister, a priest and a rabbi were discussing when life begins.

"Those of my faith," said the minister, "believe that life starts
when the heart begins to beat."

"We take a different view," said the priest. "We believe life
starts at the moment of conception."

"Well," said the rabbi, "it is our belief that life starts when
the kids move out and the dog dies."



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Keep Spaghetti from Boiling Over
Add a teaspoon of olive oil to your spaghetti water to prevent it
from boiling over. Butter or another vegetable oil can be
substituted for olive oil. A pat of butter also works well to
prevent rice from boiling over.

Visit Thrifty Fun For More Cooking Tips
http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... 6_930.html

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
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Thursday at 5:00 pm there will be a meeting of the Little
Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please
see the minister.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in
the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school
days.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind
and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
Migratory Bird Center

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Dear Webby: Best video format 

Monday, October 13, 2008, 02:19 AM

   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  October 13, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving Day to Canadians!

The entrepreneur always searches for change, 
responds to it, and exploits it as an opportunity."
--- Peter F. Drucker


A friend was laid up at home with the flu.
His fiancee called and volunteered to come over and
fix dinner and play nursemaid to him. He declined, not
wanting to pass on the flu to her.

"Okay honey", she told him, "Will wait till after we
get married. Then we can spend the rest of our lives
making each other sick!"


My five-year-old son was alarmed when he heard a car horn honking
enthusiastically. "People beep their horns after a couple is
married," I explained. 
"Why?" he asked. "As a warning?"



Thanks to Jim for this picture:

New York State - view from Mt. Hadley in the Southern Adirondack Mountains.
Jim


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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to the District Council in Bromsgrove, England

Gardener told to take down barbed wire to protect thieves

A gardener who put up barbed wire to protect his allotment 
from thieves has been ordered to take it down in case 
intruders hurt themselves.

Bill Malcolm, 61, was told to "remove it on health and safety 
grounds" by the local council which owns the allotments in 
Marlbrook, Worcestershire.

He erected the deterrent after thieves struck three times in 
four months, stealing more than £300 worth of spades, 
forks, hoes and wrecking his potato patch in the process.

Mr Malcolm said: "It's an absolutely ridiculous situation, 
all I wanted was to protect my property but the wire had 
to go in case a thief scratched himself.

"I told them to let the thief sue me so at least that way I 
would know who was breaking into my allotment but 
everything I said fell on deaf ears.

"The barbed wire was a single strand and ringing my property 
only. It was just three foot high and wasn't as though I'd dug 
a moat filled with piranha and erected six foot iron railings."

A spokesman for Bromsgrove District Council made it clear
on whose side they stood. 



"Mary," asked Dawn thoughtfully one day, "what would you
do if you caught your husband with another woman?"

"Another woman with MY husband?" Mary thought it over.

"Let's see; I'd break her white cane, shoot her guide dog, 
and call a cab to take her back to the institution she escaped
from."


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Arnie
Re: Which video format is best? 

Dear Webby
I am trying to put some short videos on my web page. There
are so many different formats, that I am totally confused.
I don't want to use the rough quality that the kids use on
uTube, but I don't want the visitor to have to wait all evening
for it to load. What is a good compromise for decent quality
and reasonable loading speed?
Arnie

Dear Arnie
The real secret to decent loading speed is a tripod.
Compression saves a key frame and then just saves
what changes between that and the next frame. If the
camera is on a tripod, only the action part changes.
If you jitter it around, everything changes. That results
in a large final file, which will take much longer to load,
no matter what format you use.

Next you have to consider your audience.
In North America and Asia over 90% of visitors have
Flash Player, 75% have Windows Media Player.
In Europe they seem to favor Quicktime, not because
it is better or faster, -it defintely is not-, but because 
they tend to be more religious about using non-Microsoft 
products.

Both Flash (flv, swf) and Media Player (wmv) CAN deliver
excellent, professional quality video on a decent connetion.
On slow connections Flash is usually better. It starts
streaming sooner, but it may slow down or even stop,
until the loading catches up, and then sometimes give you 
some very fast motion. 

When a fast start is not that important, I prefer Media Player
format (wmv). The motion is steady throughout, and the
video quality is just as good, sometimes even better than
with Flash.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park
across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared 
to sin.



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Wrinkled Slacks But No Iron?
If you have wrinkled slacks but no iron, just put the slacks
neatly over the towel bar in the bathroom while taking a shower.
Be sure to close the bathroom door to trap as much steam as
possible.

Visit Thrifty Fun For More Laundry Tips


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Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
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An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished, came to a
roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked.

The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some
victuals?" he asked.

The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No!" she shouted.

"Could I have a pint of ale?"

"No!" she shouted.

"Could I at least sleep in your stable?"

"No!" she shouted again.

The vagabond said, "Might I please...?"

"What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish.

"D'ye suppose," he asked, "that I might have a word with George?"


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
Canadian Thanksgiving

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Dear Webby: Monitor Cleaner 

Sunday, October 12, 2008, 02:40 AM

   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  October 12, 2008

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person 
you meet reminds you of someone else.
--- Ogden Nash

The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do.
--- B. F. Skinner

*Laws of Life*

* Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five
items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will
forget two of the first five.

* Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to
the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.

* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your
taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

* Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what
happens.

* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted
to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else.

* Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only
cross-references.

* Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will
soften when stale.  Any food that starts out soft will harden when
stale.

* Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go
unnoticed.  When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the
parking lot.

* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the 
way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.
---------------
Not at the store where I shop. If you buy a single chocolate bar, 
they don't slide it down to the bag boy, but hand it to you to
put into your pocket. 


Barbie, a waitress, decided to put her matchmaking
skills to the test with our mutual friend Mike.
She figured that Sandy, another friend who seemed to
have much in common with Mike, would be an ideal date.

One day Mike came into the restaurant when Sandy was
also there.  Barbie dragged Mike over to Sandy's table
and introduced the two.  Then she watched as Mike put
his arm around the young woman and said in his best
mock-seductive voice, "Hellooooh, Sandy."

"You guys know each other?" Barbie asked.

"We sure do," said Mike.  "She's my sister."






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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Kevin Waddington, 40, in York, England

One burglary too many

YORK, England (UPI) -- An English family says they stopped a 
burglar who was attempting to steal from their house, sitting 
on him until police arrived.

Julie Broadway, 43, of York said she was awakened at about 
2 a.m. by a sound that she initially thought was cats in the house 
but was revealed to be a burglar when a beam of light went past
her bedroom door, the Daily Mail reported Tuesday.

"I was just angry. There was someone in my house that hadn't 
been invited," she said.

Broadway said she pursued the thief and was soon joined by 
her husband Glen, a 226-pound former forestry worker who 
dragged the burglar back into the house and sat on him until 
police arrived.

The couple said at one point, the thief attempted to reach 
for a knife, but their daughter, Megan, rapped him on the 
knuckles with an umbrella.

Kevin Waddington, 40, who has 143 previous convictions for 
theft, pleaded guilty in York Crown Court to burglary. His 
defense attorney said he had been under the influence of 
drugs and alcohol at the time of the incident. 


An effusive client brought a litter of golden-retriever puppies
to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. She loved
them so much, she couldn't keep from remarking about their cute
habits.

As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in
their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated
ones from the rest. I turned on the water faucet, wet my
fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished.

After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative client
had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman
leaned forward and whispered, "I never realized they had to be
baptized."


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Kevin
Re: Monitor cleaner

Dear Webby
Do I need to buy that expensive monitor cleaning fluid, or
is there a cheaper alternative?
Thanks
Kevin

Dear Kevin
Ordinary Windex or similar glass cleaner works fine.
For wiping material you can use micro-fiber cloth, 
old, well wornand washed T-Shirts cut into rags, 
anything soft like old cloth diapers or bed sheets.

Paper is OK for CRT monitors, but for LCD monitors, which
sometimes have soft material on the screen, you definitely
should use soft and clean cloth.

CRT monitors should be turned off for a while before cleaning.
They use powerful electrical attraction to attract the beams
of electrons from the back to the front. Some of that attraction
also works to attract dirt to the front of the screen. When
your Windex liquifies the dirt and the surfactant in it creeps
under the dirt to lift it off, it also creeps into the microscopic
craters that are etched into the glass, to make it less reflective.

Best is to clean it once with just barely enough spray, to
get the dirt off, and then once more with plenty of liquid,
to clean out the tiny craters.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


During one of our weekly weight-loss classes, the group leader was
extolling the merits of the program's prepared-food products.

She raved about the rich, delicious flavor of the imitation chocolate
fudge and the nondairy pops, assuring us that we could eat them without
the least fear of ruining our diets.

The woman next to me nodded her head emphatically and then whispered,
"They're even better when you spread peanut butter on them!"



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Saving Money on Furniture
Visit your local thrift stores and look for gently used
furniture. Keep an open mind. A coat of paint can make many
pieces of furniture look new. Even particle board furniture can
be painted, just use fine sand paper to lightly scuff the surface
first.

Visit Thrifty Fun For More Home Improvement Tips


If you are going to paint it anyway, don't let nicks, scratches
and gouges deter you. Poly-Filla is cheap, and a lot harder
than the original wood. Keep that in mind when sanding!
Use hard backing for the sand paper.

For badly worn cross braces / footrests on tables, make a
sleeve from a piece of leftover carpet and attach it with snaps.
Soft, fuzzy bathroom ruglets work fine too. They are cheap,
and washable. You will be surprised how comfortable they
are and how good they look.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A man traveling in southern Indiana was headed for the Kentucky
border ...when he saw a large sign... "LAST CHANCE FOR $3.25 GAS!!!"
He still had more than a quarter of a tank left, but figured he'd
better take advantage of this opportunity to fill-up his tank.

As he was getting his change from the attendant, he asked, "How
much is gas in Kentucky?"

The attendent replied, "$3.10..."


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
Vinegar - 1001 Uses

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter


Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Dear Webby: Aftermarket Printer Ink 

Saturday, October 11, 2008, 03:13 AM

   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  October 11, 2008

There are 10^11 stars in the galaxy. That used to be a huge number. 
But it's only a hundred billion. It's less than the national deficit! 
We used to call them astronomical numbers. Now we should 
call them economical numbers.
--- Richard Feynman


Ed and Ted met for the first time in twenty years. "So, how's life
been for you?" Ed asked.

"Not too good," Ted replied. "My first wife died of cancer, my
second wife turned out to be a lesbian and ran off with another
woman and took all our savings, my son's in prison for trying to kill
me, my daughter got run over by a bus, my house was hit by a low
flying aircraft, my vintage car rolled off the dock into the sea, I had to
have my dog put down recently, my doctor says that I have an
incurable disease and to cap it all my business has just gone bust."

"That sounds terrible", Ed said. "What business were you in?"

Ted replied, "I sold good luck charms...."


After the first week of sex education class, a young shapely teen
stormed out of the room after the class was over.

Encountering a female friend in the hall, the friend asked, "Lori,
what in the world is the matter with you ?  You look as if you're
about to kill someone."

"I am !!!" Lori fumed. "You just wait until I catch up with that
Dennis.  All summer long, that clown had me convinced that 'foreplay'
was tossing a coin for position...."


Thanks to Joan for this picture

on our first walk... I thought I would drop my teeth and camera 
and everything else... I was carrying.   I really got a super thrill .. 
Heard him BELLOW.... and it was sooooo loud (we were 
across the street)  After I closed my mouth I managed to get 
these pictures. 
Joan

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Randy Lewis, Sullivan County, Tennessee

Man arrested after 10-year-old crashes van
BLOUNTVILLE, Tenn. (UPI) -- Authorities in Sullivan County, 
Tenn., said a man was arrested after allegedly instructing a 
10-year-old to drive his van because he was intoxicated.

The Sullivan County Sheriffs Office said Randy Lewis was 
charged with drunk driving, reckless endangerment and 
child abuse after the 10-year-old boy, who was one of three 
children in the vehicle, crashed the Ford Windstar van at 
speeds exceeding 90 mph, The Smoking Gun reported Tuesday.

A sheriff's office affidavit said Lewis admitted after the crash to 
drinking "at least 15 beers, along with some liquor." 
The affidavit said cocaine was found in Lewis' system and his 
blood alcohol content was found to be .26, more than three 
times the legal state limit for driving.

Paula Evans, a female friend of Lewis' who was also in the 
vehicle, was charged with reckless endangerment and child 
abuse.

All five occupants of the van were treated for their injuries at a 
local hospital.

Copyright 2008 by United Press International



A career military man, who had retired as a
corporal, was telling the younger men how he
handled officers during his years of service.

"It didn't matter a hoot if he was a Major
General, an Admiral, or the Commander-in-
Chief. I always told those guys exactly where
to get off.

"Wow, you must have been something," the
admiring young soldiers remarked. "What
was your job in the service?"

"Elevator operator in the Pentagon."


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Rosie
Re: Printer ink

Dear Webby
How safe is the printer ink advertised in emails?
in the literature that came with my HP printer, they warn that
the warranty will be void if I use any ink except theirs. Their
ink is ridiculously expensive, and I either have to switch
inks, or printers.
What do you recommend?
Rosie

Dear Rosie
I would not take that threat about losing your warranty too
seriously. At the low cost of today's printers, it's not worth
their while to have people take a broken printer apart.

However, you need to be really careful with anything advertised
in spam. Remember, legitimate companies don't spam.

Aftermarket ink depends a lot on where you buy it. Walmart ink
may be cheap, but it is not very high quality. You would not
want to use that for pictures, that you want to hang up. 
However, it is good enough for kid's homework, that is only
going to be looked at once.

I recommend the ink from AtlanticInkjet.com
We have used atlanticinkjet.com ink and toner here at Webby for 
eight or more years, and never had any ink or toner related 
problem. They have very knowledgeable and friendly staff, 
who treat you like a friend of the family.
And their prices are definitely in your favor.

They ship instantly and if your order is over $45, shipping is free.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Farmer Jake had a nagging wife who made his life
miserable. The only real peace that he got was when he
was out in the field plowing.

One day when he was out in the field, Jake's wife
brought his lunch to him. Then she stayed while he
quietly ate and berated him with a constant stream of
nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Jake's old mule
kicked up his back legs, striking the wife in the head,
and killing her instantly.

At the wake, Jake's minister noticed that when the
women offered their sympathy to Jake he would nod his
head up and down. But when the men came up and spoke
quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side.

When the wake was over and all the mourners had left,
the minister approached Jake and asked, "Why was it
that you nodded your head up and down to all the women
and shook your head from side to side to all the men?"

Well, Jake replied, "The women all said how nice she
looked, and her dress was so pretty," so I agreed by
nodding my head up and down. The men all asked, "Is
that mule for sale.....!?"



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Cleaning Oil from Your Garage Floor
Start by soaking the oil stain with mineral spirits, found in the
paint section of your hardware store. Let sit for 3 minutes, then
scrub with a stiff bristled brush. After scrubbing, lay newspaper
on top and let dry. Then wash with 1 cup laundry detergent, 1 cup
bleach, and 1 gallon water.
Visit ThriftyFun For More Cleaning Tips
http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_296.html

You can also just simply use some Zorb-All or any similar 
dry oil absorbent material. It is cheaper, more effective,
easier on the environment, and much easier to use.

Zorb-All is actualy a brand name, that has become a generic 
term, like Xerox or Vise Grip. In your town it may be sold under
a different brand, but the people at your automotive parts store
will know what you mean.

Zorb-All is like kitty litter without deodorant and sparkles and
high price. A bag, that will fill two or more 5 gallon buckets,
usually costs $6 - $10, depending on the location.

Just sprinkle a handful of Zorb-All onto the spill or stain,
and move it around a bit with your foot or a broom.
Move it around some more an hour later.
By next morning it will have absorbed all the oil out of the
concrete and you can simply sweep it up.

Zorb-All is mostly just bentonite, an agressively absorbent
clay. You can just toss it on a gravel driveway or path,
and it will go back into the earth, where it and the oil 
came from. It works on water and anti-freeze spills too.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


In a high school gym class, all the girls are lined up against
one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall.  Every
ten seconds, they walk toward each other exactly half the
remaining distance between them.

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked,
"When will the girls and boys meet?"

Mathematician:  "Never."

Physicist:  "In an infinite amount of time."

Engineer:  "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough
for all practical purposes."


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
Museum of Art, Rhode Island

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Dear Webby: PDF 

Friday, October 10, 2008, 02:26 AM

   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  October 10, 2008
Today is Friday. Time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops.

Greater things are believed of those who are absent.
--- Publius Cornelius Tacitus


Thanks to Sandie for this story:
I called the local newspaper's classified section to complain about 
an ad I'd placed. It was obvious the person who took my information 
had never spent any time on a farm.

"I said 'ewes,'" I argued.

"Pardon?" replied the operator.

"Ewes. It makes a difference to some people."

The ad had read, "Sheep for sale: Used."


Thanks to Wendy for this:
Years ago, there was an old tale in the Marine Corps about a 
Lieutenant who inspected his men and told the 'gunny' that 
they smelled bad. The Lieutenant suggested that they change 
their underwear. 
The Gunny responded, "Aye, aye, sir, I'll see to it immediately!" 
 
He went into the tent and said, "The lieutenant thinks you guys 
smell bad, and wants you to change your underwear. 
Smith, you change with Jones. McCarthy, you change with 
Dzwill. Brown, you change with Schultz. Get to it." 
 
The moral: A candidate may promise 'change' in Washington, 
but don't count on things smelling any better. 


Thanks to Wade for this picture

Here in North Idaho, at the 23 mile marker of hwy 57 if you 
look to the east you will see this iconic symbol. The kids 
around here call it the Dragon Tree, and I find it appropriate. 
I hope it stands for many years to come.
Wade

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Cory Davis in Sekiu, Washington

Sent in by Sandie

 Woman shot herself with a stove
The Associated Press
Published: Thursday, October 9, 2008 at 2:39 a.m. 
Last Modified: Thursday, October 9, 2008 at 2:42 a.m. 
SEKIU, Wash. 
A woman in Washington state says her cast-iron stove shot 
her in the leg. Cory Davis tells the Peninsula Daily News 
that she had just stoked the heating stove in her home 
Sunday when she heard a loud bang and was struck in her 
left calf.

She says she initially thought "that was one fast hot coal 
flying at me."

In fact, she was hit by part of a 22-gauge shotgun shell that 
she had accidentally put into the stove with newspapers she 
used to light it. A box of shells had spilled nearby a few 
weeks before.

Davis says she removed the metal fragment herself Sunday 
and sought treatment for the shallow wound the next day.



Recently launched into the "real world" and shocked by the 
expenses that came with it, my brother was complaining 
about the high cost of auto insurance.

"If you got married," teased my dad, "the premium would be 
much lower."

My brother smiled and said, "Dad, that would be like buying 
an airline just to get free peanuts."


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Anita
Re: write PDF files

Dear Webby
I want to get a flier printed at Staples, but they ask for it
in PDF format. I have MS Office, but that can't write in that
format. Do I have to buy the full Adobe for $900 just for that?
And why is Staples asking for it in that expensive format?
Anita

Dear Anita
PDF is a platform independent format. No matter what kind
of computer people use, a PDF page looks exactly the same.
That is why most print shops ask for that format. 

There is no need to buy the full Adobe. 
Just get Open Office. There is a link to it in my tool box at
http://webby.com/tools
It is free.
With it you can pick up your MS Office files and export them
to PDF format, ready to send to any print shop, and it won't
cost you a penny.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Thanks to Vickster for this:
Mary says to her daughter, "Ever since I reached 65,
I've been feeling that my body had gotten totally out
of shape. So I made a big decision - I went to my doctor
and got his OK to start doing some exercise. And yest-
erday I went to LA Fitness and booked into their aerobics
class for seniors."

"That's great mom, so how did it go?" asks her daughter.

"Well, for thirty minutes I sweated by bending, twisting,
pulling, pushing and hopping up and down. But then, by
the time I got my leotards on, the class was over."



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Keep Bacon From Curling
You can help prevent bacon from curling when you fry it by
dipping it in cold water before cooking it.  It also helps to
poke a few holes in the bacon before frying it.

Visit ThriftyFun For More Food Tips
http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... o_916.html

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A small boy walked into a police station one day and said,
'I've got three big brothers and we all live in the same
room. My eldest brother has seven cats. Another one has
three dogs and the third has a goat. I want you to do
something about the smell.'

'Are the any windows in your room?' asked the officer.

'Yes, of course there are!' said the boy.

'Have you tried opening them?'

'What and lose all my pigeons....?'


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
 Hubble, The Entire Collection

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter


Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Dear Webby: mail sending limits 

Thursday, October 9, 2008, 02:55 AM

   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  October 9, 2008
Tomorrow is Friday. Time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
--- Lucille S. Harper

I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, 
but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
--- Robert McCloskey

Thanks to Roland for this story:
The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, 
"What kinds of ice cream do you have?"

"Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry," the girl wheezed as she
spoke, patted her chest, and seemed unable to continue.

"Do you have laryngitis?" the young man asked
sympathetically.

"No," she whispered, "just vanilla, chocolate, and
strawberry."


Thanks to Sandie for this story:
A woman asked the dog groomer, "How much to give Fifi a haircut?"

"Fifty dollars."

"Fifty dollars?! I only pay thirty bucks for my own haircuts."

"That may be true. But then you don't bite, do you?"


Thanks to Colleen for this picture of her Mystery Flower



If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Tommy Fox of Dover, Tennessee

Foxed
 Man named Fox attacked by fox, crashes car

DOVER, Tenn. (UPI) -- A Tennessee man named Tommy Fox crashed 
his car while contending with an attack from a real fox, whose tail he 
intended to cut off, authorities say.

After the Dover man struck a red fox that had dashed in front of his 
sport utility vehicle last week, he said he thought the animal 
was dead so he retrieved it from the roadway, planning to cut 
off its tail for a souvenir, a state wildlife official told Gannett Tennessee.

Fox said the animal regained consciousness in the back seat of 
his SUV and attacked him, causing him to lose control of the 
vehicle and flip it over into a ditch.

Records indicated Fox was treated for minor injuries at the 
scene by Montgomery County, Tenn., paramedics. The fox was 
found dead in the vehicle, but Tennessee Wildlife Resources 
Agency wildlife officer Dale Grandstaff said it wasn't clear if it 
had died from the initial collision or from the rollover.

Gannett Tennessee said it was not known if Fox got to keep 
the fox tail.

Copyright 2008 by United Press International



Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?". But the
initials really have been changed to stand for "What would Jesus
drive?".

One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth
because the Bible says, "God drove Adam and Eve out of the
Garden of Eden in a Fury".

But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo.
The passage urges the Jesus to "pursue your enemies with your
Tempest and terrify them with your Storm".

Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers
are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds
a long blast".

Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to
talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel
where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own
Accord..."

Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced
by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph
is heard in the hills".

Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler:
"Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land".  And,
following Jesus' lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda...
"The Apostles were in one Accord".


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Joan
Re: mail sending limits

Dear Webby
I send a free newsletter to friends and subscribers, but no
matter what ISP I try, they all either kick me out or insist 
that I get additional dial-up accounts. That is getting quite
expensive. What ISP do you use?
Joan

Dear Joan
My ISP is Telus, but I don't use their email. It is not reliable
enough for business purposes, and they use some outgoing
mail filtering that is so insane, it even filters their own 
support emails. If I tell somebody how to get rid of a virus,
they censor it.

For email I use an address on a Webby server.
For newsletters I use the MagicList that I mentioned yesterday.
You shouldn't really use regular email for sending to more
than 50 people at a time. ISPs are not set up for that. 
Web servers are. 

Considering that a sub-domain web site is only $2.50, 
a LOT less than an extra dial-up account, it would be silly
to continue doing it the hard way.

Running a web site is not rocket science. If the millions of
kids on Geocities and places like that can do it, so can you.

Keep in mind that a regular web site is a lot easier to run
than the cruelly restricted rigmaroles on Myspace, Facebook
and places like that, and you don't have to put up with ads.
The only real challenge is figuring out what you want to
say and show on your site.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Two elderly women were trying on shoes in our store. When I
slipped a shoe onto one woman's foot, the end of my tie got
caught beneath her heel. Unaware of my predicament, she
stood up and started toward the mirror. For a few seconds,
I found myself crawling along the floor beside her, trying
to get her attention.

"Look, Martha," her friend said. "he wants to go home with
you!"



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Homemade Dry Shampoo
This works well for cleaning your hair when you can't get wet. 
Mix 1/2 cup cornmeal and 1 tablespoon salt and put it in a
shaker.  Sprinkle some of it onto your hair and brush it out.  As
you brush it, it will remove oil and dirt from your hair.

Visit ThriftyFun For More Beauty Tips
http://www.thriftyfun.com/Beauty_1229.html

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG


Driving my friend Bill and his girlfriend to the airport,
I passed a billboard showing a bikini-clad beauty holding
a can of beer. Bill's girlfriend glanced up at it and said,
"I suppose if I drank a six-pack of that brand, I'd look
like her."

"No," Bill corrected, "If I drank a six-pack, you'd look
like her."


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
 Cool military pictures

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter


Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Dear Webby: Undisclosed recipients 

Wednesday, October 8, 2008, 03:52 AM

   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  October 8, 2008

Confusion is always the most honest response.
--- Marty Indik

Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke.
--- Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.


Thanks to Ross for bringing back this classic:
A drunken man, who smelled like gin, sat down on a subway 
seat next to a priest. 

The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red 
lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his 
torn coat pocket. 

He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few 
minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, 
'Say, Father, what causes arthritis?' 

'My son, it's caused by loose living; being with cheap, wicked 
women; too much alcohol; a contempt for your fellow man, 
sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of an occasional bath.' 

'Well, I'll be damned,' the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. 

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man 
and apologized. 'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so 
strong. How long have you had arthritis?' 

'I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.' 


Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Kurt was going out with a nice girl and finally popped the question.
"Will you marry me, darling?" he asked.
Lisa smiled coyly and said, "Yes, if you'll buy me a mink."
Kurt thought for a moment and then replied, 
"Okay, it's a deal, but on one condition."
"What's that?" Lisa asked.
"You'll have to clean the cage," Kurt replied.  




Young Love


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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Gabriela and Patrizia Odisio in Vigevano, Italy

Double trouble
Twin sisters are being prosecuted after one posed as her 
lawyer sibling while the other was sitting as a judge.

Solicitor Gabriela Odisio found herself double booked as 
both a judge and an advocate on the same day - so asked 
her identical twin to stand in for the court hearing.

Twin Patrizia - who has a law degree but is not qualified - 
and her sister kept the deception working for three years 
swapping between courts in Vigevano and Rho in northern Italy.

Meanwhile the pair clocked up a fortune in double fees.

No one noticed what the pair were up to and the scam was 
only uncovered when one of Gabriela's clients overheard 
her and her sister discussing their plans.

A police source said: "They were absolutely identical and 
knew everything about each other's lives and colleagues 
so they managed to fool everyone."

Now the pair - both 50 - are being prosecuted for making 
false statements about their qualifications and deceiving clients.



Thanks to Roland for this story:
My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an
appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice
that she was getting frustrated. Finally she said, "I know I
had my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it!"

I replied, "Aren't you talking on it?"

There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality
of the situation sank in, followed by, "You are NOT going to
tell anybody about this!"


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Dixie
Re: Undisclosed recipients

Dear Webby
You once told me how to hide all the addresses when sending
mail to many people. That worked fine, as long as it was just 
for fun. However, it grew into a business, and now it is a bit
embarrassing when the mails show "Undisclosed recipients".
How do I hide that, the way you do with your newsletters?
Thanks
Dixie

Dear Dixie
I ran across the same problem in '94, and so we wrote a 
newsletter program. You can run as many different newsletters
with it and it has proper sign-up forms for each. AND it has
the now required double-opt-in confirmation request emails,
that ensure that nobody signs up with somebody else's address.
Since 94, of course it has been steadily improved and has a 
lot of features that make professional mailing a lot easier or
even fully automatic. We have one client who does a lot of
traveling, so she set her newsletter to automatic about 10
years ago. She has a page that automatically changes over 
20 postcards to the card of the day, and her newsletter 
sends out that page every night, no matter where she happens
to be cruising around.

Naturally, a program like that is not free. There are similar 
ones that cost hundreds of dollars or a monthly fee. Ours
used to be that expensive too, but over the years we have
steadily reduced the cost and it is now just $79.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


You know you're in trouble when you hire private
contractors to build your house and they send out
a crew like these guys. 

Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard.
One of the guys walked in the office and said, "We
need some four-by-twos."

The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.
He returned in a minute and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."

"Alright. How long do you need them?"

The guy paused and thought about the question for a minute.
"I'd better go check," he said. After awhile, the guy returned
to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Freeze Pantyhose to Make Them Last
First get the pantyhose wet, gently ring them out put them in the
freezer overnight. Once frozen, pull them out slowly and hang to
them to dry. You can also spray pantyhose lightly with a spray
starch to help prevent runs.

Visit ThriftyFun For More Clothing Tips
http://www.thriftyfun.com/Clothing_1220.html

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"How many customers did you serve today?" the manager asked.

"One."

"Only one."

"How much was the sale?"

"$58,334.00"

Flabbergasted the manager asked him to explain. The boy said,
"First I sold the man a fishhook. Then I sold him a rod and a
reel. Then I asked him where he was planning to fish, and he
replied down the coast. So I suggested he'd need a boat - he
bought that six-metre motor boat. When he said his car might
not be able to pull it, I took him to the auto department
and sold him a big pick-up truck."

The amazed boss asked, "You sold all that to a guy who came
in for a fishhook?"

"No," the salesman replied. "He actually came in for a
bottle of aspirin for his wife's migraine. I told him, your
weekend's shot. You are probably safer if you go fishing."


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
 Animals, All Kinds of 'em

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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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