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It's Monday,  October 27, 2008

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. --- Herm Albright
Martha and Edna, two widows, are talking Martha: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer." Edna: "Well...I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 PM. And dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit. And he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a beautiful car...a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner. A marvelous dinner - lobster, steak...then we go see a show let me tell you, Martha, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL!! Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!" Martha: "Goodness gracious! So you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?" Edna: "No...I'm just saying, wear an old dress."
Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture: This one bloomed today
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 43 year old woman in Miyazaki, Japan Woman arrested for killing virtual husband A Japanese woman has been arrested after she allegedly killed her virtual husband in an online game. The 43 year old was apparently furious at finding herself suddenly divorced in the game Maplestory, reports the BBC. Police say she illegally accessed login details of the man playing her virtual husband, and killed off his character. The woman, a piano teacher, is in jail in Sapporo waiting to learn if she faces charges of illegally accessing a computer and manipulating data. She was taken to Sapporo - where her "husband", a 33-year-old office worker lives - from her home in Miyazaki 620 miles away. If charged with the offences, and convicted, she faces up to five years in prison and a fine of up to $5,000. A Sapporo police official said the woman had used the man's ID and password to log into the game last May to carry out the virtual murder. "I was suddenly divorced, without a word of warning. That made me so angry," she was quoted by the official as telling investigators.
My sister-in-law Bonnie was very busy one day working in her house. She had just gotten to the basement after quite a few trips up and down, when she heard the telephone ring upstairs. Tiredly, she ran back up the stairs only to hear a solicitor on the other end... "Hello, is this Bonnie D? We are calling people in your area and would like to know if you would help us by participating in a brief survey." Without missing a beat, she told them: "I am BUSY, survey your own briefs!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Moo Moo Re: Pages too big Dear Webby, Hi, it is not the text that is too big, it is the pages that are so big on my screen that I can't read all there is to the left or right even using the scroll bar. Thanks Moo Moo Dear Moo Moo right click on the desktop, Properties Settings And change the resolution to the highest number available in there. If the text becomes too tiny, choose the second highest setting. Let me know how that works out. Have FUN! DearWebby

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution: "I should warn you. . .you may not want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked someone from the back of the audience. "Well, I speak from personal experience," the expert explained. "For years, I watched my wife's routine at breakfast. She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. "So finally one day I made a suggestion: 'Hon,' I said, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" The voice from the back persisted, "And didn't that save time?" The expert replied, "Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Quick Halloween Decorations for a Party Drape white sheets over all the furniture and windows. It looks like a haunted house and a much more realistic and fun decoration than store-bought paper decorations. Add candles in old fashioned holders on top of covered tables, and a few hidden flashlights to provide creepy uplighting. Halloween Decorations ... 0_550.html If you use candles, then you better have a few fire extinguishers handy. Dry powder extinguishers are cheap, but make an awful mess. CO2 extinguishers cost a bit more initially, but the CO2 snow that they throw evaporates without leaving any trace. If you can't afford a fire extinguisher but feel you need burning candles at a rambunctious Halloween party, have a few buckets of wet sand ready. Instead of using your good sheets, you can get really cheap "Painter's Drop Sheets". Unlike the clear and slippery cover sheets, painter's drop sheets are available in very thin canvas, that is safe to walk on. For safe but spooky lighting, try old strings of Christmas lights with some of the bulbs burned out or taken out. Especially the blinking outdoors types can look quite spooky if you have a tangle of them behind a sheet. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

A minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances." During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up." At that moment, the substitute organist played, "The Star Spangled Banner." And THAT is how the substitute organist became the regular organist.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Beautful Sunsets
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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