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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  October 23, 2008

Look for the ridiculous in everything, and you will find it.
--- Jules Renard

Every man serves a useful purpose: 
A miser, for example, makes a wonderful ancestor.
--- Laurence J. Peter


A man said to his friend, "I'm so nearsighted 
I nearly worked myself to death." 

His friend said, "What does being nearsighted 
have to do with working yourself to death?" 

And the man said, "I couldn't tell whether the boss 
was watching me or not, so I had to work all the time." 


The Boy Scouts were out collecting bottles for a fund
raising activity. One ambitious young man knocked on
a door and a sour-faced lady came to the door and asked:
"What do you want, kid?"

"D-d-do you have any beer bottles for the Boy Scouts,
M-m-m-ma'am?" he asked.

"Look here, young man, do I look like the kind of lady
who would drink beer?" replied the lady.

"S-s-sorry, Ma'am," was his reply.  "W-w-what about
vinegar bottles?"


Thanks to Deelie for this picture:

Balcony Buddy

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to the science teacher at Big Sandy, texas High School

Sent in by Ramona
Students Bitten by Venomous Snake in a Classroom
By KENNETH DEAN
Staff Writer

BIG SANDY - Two Big Sandy High School science students 
are in a Tyler hospital recovering from bites from a venomous 
snake that was misidentified by their science teacher.

Scott Beene, the Big Sandy Independent School District 
superintendent, said the incident happened Monday as the 
two students were handling what they thought was a rat 
snake in a science lab where other snakes were also housed.

Beene said the biology teacher was leading the class in another 
experiment, but the students’ curiosity got the best of them and 
they wanted to look at a snake that had just been brought in to 
the class Monday morning.

Beene said the two students were handling one snake when it 
began fighting with another and that is when they were both 
bitten. One boy was bitten several times before the other 
student helped him and was also bitten.

Beene would not say which hospital or the exact condition of the 
students, citing they are both minors. However, he did say he 
believed both would remain hospitalized for several more days.

“This is something we have never had happened and we are 
praying for a full recovery for both students,” he said.

Beene said students routinely brought in other animals such 
as turtles to be classified and the snake, that turned out to 
be a cotton mouth, was brought into the class earlier in 
the year.

“I do not know how long that snake had been in the science 
lab, but the teacher evidently misidentified it as a non-venomous 
snake,” he said.
_____________________

Not all cottonmouth snakes as as colorful as this slightly
overfed Zoo specimen.

Usually they are more gray / charcoal colored, but the
identifying mark of the cottonmouth is the 2 tone dark 
mustache line. Here is how they usually look in the wild:

A cottonmouth is usually aggressive and won't scamper away
like a rattler, when you stomp your foot. 

Because the cottonmouth is the most dangerous snake in
Texas, it is featured on many tourist brochures. 

That bonehead teacher should be ordered to buy Tennant's 
"Field Guide to Texas Snakes" not just for himself, but for
all of his students!



Thanks to Sandie for this:
A large truck was tailing my son as he drove through town 
with his girlfriend. The truck matched them turn for turn, 
down every street.

My son's concern grew to alarm when the menacing-looking 
driver pulled next to him at a light, leaned out his window and 
glared into his car. After a long, hard stare, the man grinned 
and called to my son, "Sorry, kid! I thought that was my daughter."


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Jerry
Re: Paragraph symbod in WORD

Dear Webby, Help!!!
I was preparing my Lions Club Newsletter and something 
happened to the text (It also shows on ALL my texts) the 
Paragraph symbol shows up on every line with arrows and 
dots between words.

I tried to contact Microsoft service and keep getting sent 
back to the same general "Contact us"
I know you are not a big Microsoft fan (I kept XP despite their 
efforts to move me into their next mess).
Maybe you have a brief shortcut that will get rid of my 
Paragraph symbols.
Thanx -- and I really appreciate the daily 
(seven days a week) DearWebby column.
Jerry 

Dear Jerry
Congratulations on avoiding Vista!
I am an XP fan.

Like most businesses, we switched to Open Office some time ago.
Maybe Microsoft did too, and their pet Talibans are no longer 
supporting WORD ?

As far as I remember, there is a ¶ button in the top menu.
Hitting that should make the paragraph symbols invisible.

You can also go to Tools > Options > View. 
Under the heading "Formatting marks" take off the checkmarks.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


To keep your husband from reading your email, 
put it in a folder labeled "appliance instruction manuals". 

To keep your wife from reading your email, 
put it in a folder labeled "car repair records". 



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Makeshift Level
Need to level a picture or painting on your wall but you don't
have a level handy?  Just put a little water in a glass and hold
it on the top edge of the frame.  The frame is level when the
water in the glass is.

Visit ThriftyFun for more Home Improvement Tips by clicking here
http://www.thriftyfun.com/Home%20Improvement_574.html

For more precision, tie a paper clip or other small weight to 
some limp or wet thread, and the other end of it to the end 
of a pencil or ruler or stick.

My mom used the handle of the big wooden spoon, that she
broke on my noggin while trying to educate me.

Lay the pencil or stick on the top edge, so that the thread 
hangs down about a match width from the side edge. 
Unlike with the water glass, there is no guesswork involved. 
When the picture, or fridge or stove or whatever you are levling, 
is perfectly level, the thread is a match width away at both 
top and bottom.

Afterward, the thread can be spooled up on the stick and
tossed into the tool drawer for next time. A "plumb-bob" like
that is actually more precise than a store-bought level.

Have FUN!
Dear Webby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


An elderly couple is vacationing in the West. Sam always
wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day,
he
buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into their hotel
room and says to his wife, "Notice anything different, Helen?"
Helen looks him over, "Nope."
Sam says excitedly, "Come on, Helen, take a good look. Notice anything
different about me?"
Helen looks again, "Nope."
Frustrated, Sam storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and
walks back into the room completely naked except for his boots.
Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything
DIFFERENT?" Helen looks up and says, "Sam, what's different?
It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll
be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Sam yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN,
HELEN? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW
BOOTS!" 

To which Helen replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Sam,
Shoulda bought a hat."


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
 New Zealand via National Geographic

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter


Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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Dear Webby: XCOPY from machine to machine 

Wednesday, October 22, 2008, 02:59 AM

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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  October 22, 2008

We all have strength enough to endure the misfortunes of others.
--- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

There is no passion like that of a functionary for his function.
--- Georges Clemenceau


Thanks to Sandie for this story:
A husband reading a newspaper says to his wife, "You know, 
honey, I think there might be some real merit to what this 
article says. The intelligence of a father often proves a 
stumbling block to the son."

"Well, thank heaven," said the wife. "At least our James 
has nothing standing in his way."


Sign posted in a cafeteria, 
"Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria." 

Scribbled underneath was:
"Socks can eat any place they want."



Thanks to Sandie for this picture:

Bougie

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Djurens Ratt, in Stockholm, Sweden

Snivelers object to pretend elk hunt
GRASMYR, Sweden (UPI) -- Animal rights snivelers have condemned 
a pretend hunt in Sweden where pre-school children were encouraged 
to shoot at a cloth elk puppet.

"Pre-school children are a target group identified by the Swedish 
Association for Hunting and Wildlife Management. They run specific 
campaigns to encourage children's interest in killing animals," said 
the Swedish animal rights sniveler Djurens Ratt.

Children at the Vintergatan pre-school in the northern town of 
Grasmyr held their pretend hunt last week, the prey being an elk 
puppet filled with buns, the Swedish news agency tt reported Sunday.

Teachers at the school defended their actions as helping children 
prepare for everyday life, reported the newspaper Vasterbottens-Kuriren
"For our children who grow up in an environment where hunting is part 
of everyday life it is important that the children also be given the chance 
to take a position on the issue," said teacher Maria Nygard. 
----------------
Grasmyr is in the far North of Sweden, not in Stockholm.
Elk there are not cute bambies, but a normal meat provider, 
just like cattle are in the South of Sweden.

Even here, I can buy elk meat less than a mile from my house.


A pastor was preaching an impassioned sermon on the evils of
television.
"It steals away precious time that could be better spent on
other things," he said.

He advised the congregation to do what he and his family had
done. "We put our TV away in the closet."

"That's right," his wife mumbled, "but it gets awfully crowded
in there during hockey season!"


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Randy
Re: copy large folders across a network

Dear Webby:
I need to copy some large folders from my old computer to my 
new one. I got them networked OK, and I can drag files and 
small folders across, but with large program and data folders
I have a problem. Whenever Windows encounters any problem,
Billy gets in a snit, takes his marbles and goes home to Mama.
When I redo the copy, it stalls and gives up at the same spot.
I got XP on both machines.

Why is that so, and how do I get around that?
Randy

Dear Randy
If you ever read the small print in what you agreed to when 
you bought Windows, you saw that they want you to be aware
that Windows is not a fail-safe system and that it does not
recover from errors gracefully.

To get around that problem, you have to revert to good old DOS.
START, RUN, cmd

But first, view the drive or partition on the new machine with the file
explorer on the old machine, and assign a network drive letter to
the C: drive on the new machine. For example Z:

Then go to the DOS command prompt and type:
net use Z: and hit ENTER.
That will establish the DOS network connection.
You can verify that it worked by typing:
dir Z:\
It will show you the list of files in the root directory of the new machine.
Ugly, but that's how we did it in the stone age.

If the white text on black bothers your eyes, type
color 9e  and hit Enter. Feel free to experiment with different
number and letter combinations.

Let's say the directory that you want to copy is 
E:\Alpha\Eudora
and the destination is 
Z:\Alpha\Eudora

So you type:
xcopy /E /D /H /R /K /Y E:\Alpha\Eudora\*.* z:\Alpha\Eudora
and hit Enter.
You will see a list of files scoot by, until there is a snag.
Instead of giving up, it stops and tells you that it can't copy
a certain file.

Most likely it is a file that got messed when you had tried to
drag with Windows. So, simply go to the destination machine
and delete that file. You can use the file explorer for that.

Back to the source machine.
Hit the UP arrow to repeat the command.
Because of the /D switch, xcopy won't waste time with stuff
that is not newer on the source machine than the target machine.
You may hit more snags, and can deal with them the same way.
Eventually all of that directory and all it's subdirectories will
have been copied over at lightning speed.

And yes, it is indeed a good idea to write that command and
all the switches onto the monitor frame, because you will want
to use it again:
xcopy /E /D /H /R /K /Y source/*.* destination

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop
where two Americans are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen
Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two Americans just stare
at him.

"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two
continue to stare.

"Parlare Italiano?" No response.

"Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing.

The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first
American turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we
should learn a foreign language."

"Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it
didn't do him any good."



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Stuck Together Postage Stamps
If postage stamps become stuck together, put them in the freezer
for an hour or two.  When you remove them, they should come apart
easily.

Visit ThriftyFun for more Helpful Tips by clicking here
http://www.thriftyfun.com

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


 An insurance salesman was trying to persuade
 a housewife that she should take out life insurance.
 "Suppose your husband were to die," he said,
 "What would you get?"

 The housewife thought for a while, and then
 said, "Oh, a parrot, I think.  Then the house
 wouldn't seem so quiet."


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
Home Remedies & Natural Cures

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter


Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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