Dear Webby, is it safe to dump MSN? 

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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  November 3, 2008

Children are all foreigners. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson We seem to believe it is possible to ward off death by following rules of good grooming. --- Don Delillo
According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with an unique problem: A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet and then cleaned the mirror. Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aide. It cost me $4,000, but it's state of the art." "Really?" answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?" "Twelve-thirty."
Alien tourists
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jakob Kauder, Germany Luxury yacht goes for $32 after auction gaffe A yachtsman has been forced to hand over his luxury boat - after selling it on an internet auction website for less than 20. The all-at-sea sailor hoped to get up to $16,000 for the 20ft yacht but forgot to set a minimum price. But after trying to cancel the sale on the website Jakob Kauder was taken to court by the winning bidder in Cologne, Germany. Judges ruled that the auction was legal and Kauder had to complete the sale. Court spokesman Hubertus Nolte said: "The standard laws of business transactions also apply to internet auctions."
Two hunters in 'Bama were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something, but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground." After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!" The other added "Yeah, but we're getting farther and farther away from the truck!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Louis Re: Can I dump MSN? Dear Webby Webby, you've probably heard that MSN is deleting groupsites and allowing an unknown "Multiply" to take over...any ideas or suggestions? Can I drop Microsoft all together and stay with google? Will I still need Internet Explorer to open my computer? You've always kept me informed, please, do it again and thanks for your website. Louis Dear Louis There is absolutely no need for MSN. You can use gmail and you can do your personal and business chat on Skype. Internet Explorer is just a browser. It doesn't open the computer. If you are down by the bayou, where they don't have DSL or cable, and need a program to tell the computer, that it's time to dial up, ANY Internet program will do that. ANY browser, like FireFox, Google Chrome, Opera, etc. will do that just fine. Of course, Internet Explorer will do that too. You can set the browser home page to whatever you want. It does NOT have to be MSN. You can, for example, set the Home page on Google Chrome to Google and customize it for weather, stock market, currency exchange, and financial markets. Then beside that, you can use FireFox and make the FireFox HOME the Humor Letter. And in Opera, you can make AccuRadio Country Channel the HOME. That way, when you hit the Opera icon, the Internet radio starts. Those are just examples. You can set the HOME page in any browser to whatever you fell like, whether it is a religious site or a fun site. Have FUN! DearWebby

This beautiful young babe walks into the health clinic and begins to talk to the nurse. "Excuse me, ma'am, is this where I can get a vassilation?" "I think you mean you need a vaccination," said the nurse. "Yeah, whatever. Just don't give it to me on my arm because I wear a sleepless nightgown." "You mean a sleeveless nightgown?" "Yeah, whatever. And don't give it to me on my thigh because I have a zucchini bathing suit." "You mean a bikini?" "Yeah, ok. And don't give it to me on my virginia." "You mean your vagina?" "All right!!" shouts the girl. "Virginia, vagina, whatever, just as long as I don't get small cox!!!!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Covered coat hangers Cut or rip old sheets or clothing. that does not have any color that might bleed, into narrow strips. Glue three of them onto the hook stem and let the glue dry. Then braid the three ribbons over the wire. Shorter ribbons will speed up the braiding tremendously. You can always sew or speed-sew on the next length. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

Wicked Willie's Chain Letter This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one doesn't cost anything! Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontent. Then bundle up your wife and/or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the following list, and add your name to the bottom of the list. When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women. One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have. At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 women, of whom four were worth keeping, REMEMBER this chain brings luck. One man's pit bull died, and the next day he received a Playboy playmate. An unmarried Jewish man living with his widowed mother was able to choose between a Hooter's waitress and a Hollywood super model. You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN! One man broke the chain and got his wife back again. Let's keep it going, men! Just add your name to the list below! >780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 Billie Clinton >780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 B. Clinton >780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 William Jefferson Clinton >780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 W. Jefferson Clinton >780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 W. Jeff Clinton >780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 W. J. Clinton >780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 W. Clinton >780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 William J Clinton >780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 Willem Clinton >780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 Wilhelm Clinton >780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 Billy Clinton >780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 Willie Clinton >780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 Will Clinton >780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 Mr. Hillary Clinton >780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 Mr. Willie Clinton _____________________________________ Yeah, I know it's an old hoax and just like all chain letters, does not work. Yes, ALL chain letters. Subscriber Eric asked me to write another rant about chain letters. Worst are the tear jerker chain letters, promising that for every forward, somebody would donate a penny to some wacky cause. The truth is that absolutely NOBODY will donate a dry fart to the fictitious cause mentioned in that chain letter. Those chain letters are simply attempts by a few crooks to find the most gullible goofs on the net. If somebody is so gullible that they think forwarding an email will help a dying girl in Hogwashistan, then they are probably gullible enough to buy new and improved snake-oil from spam. That's right. If you forward chain letters, you get added to spam lists. After all, you HAVE proved that you are gullible. Here is a chainletter page I put up in 1994: THE FERTILIZER CLUB Feel free to print it for the company bulletin board! Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Tiger Sprout's Gallery
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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