Dear Webby: Quarantined 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  November 17, 2008

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas? --- Jean Kerr The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised. --- George F. Will
On the way to pre-school, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. "Be still, my heart," thought the doctor, "my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!" Then the child spoke into the instrument, "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"
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Thanks to Barb for this report: My three-year-old daughter and I went shopping with my mother. A rather large woman, Mom sometimes has a tough time finding just the right fit. When my mother picked out a yellow suit, my daughter went into the dressing room with her. A moment later Mom asked her how she liked the outfit. My daughter replied, "Oh, Nana, you look so pretty---just like a big yellow school bus."
Monday already ?
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sainsbury's in Haverhill, Suffolk, England Book on sex positions given to primary pupils Children on a primary school trip to Sainsbury's were given a book containing pictures of sex positions as a going home gift. The book, How To Change The World For A Fiver, was mistakenly given to pupils, aged eight and nine, during a visit to the supermarket in Haverhill, Suffolk. The 42 children, from Burton End primary, were surprised to read advice such as - have a bath with a friend to "Save water. Have fun. Just get out before everything becomes wrinkled." Other inappropriate suggestions in the 5 book include encouraging readers to shave in intimate places, streak, talk to strangers and hand out your phone number to five people on the street. The blunder came to light only when a father heard his daughter giggling with friends as they flicked through the pages, reports the Daily Mail. Engineer Andrew Dodd, 37, whose daughter Laura is eight, said: "I was furious. It was extremely inappropriate and irresponsible to give to children. "The teachers were as horrified as we were when they eventually saw it. Laura thought it was funny but thankfully she didn't really understand it." A Sainsbury's spokesman admitted: "This was a well-intentioned mistake. It is a very nice book about how to make the world a better place but it is not targeted at children. "The cover looks like a kid's book. This was a mix-up and we would like to apologise for any distress caused. It certainly won't happen again."
An interoffice softball game was held every year between the marketing and support staff of one company. The support staff whipped the marketing department soundly. To show just "how" the marketing department earns their keep, they posted this memo on the bulletin board after the game: "The Marketing Department is pleased to announce that for the 1996 Softball Season, we came in 2nd place, having lost but one game all year. The Support Department, however, had a rather dismal season, as they won only one game in the entire year."
From the Tech Support Pits: Kitty, my email reply to you yetserday bounced back at me. It might be best for you to get Gmail. From: Rita Re:Quarantined Dear Webby, I did a scan on my computer today because it was running slow and other things showing up.It showed after the scan I have a virus called Troj/BHO-HGI did a quarantine on it but I don't think it removed itI have never heard of this before and was wondering if you would tell me how to get rid of it..It is on my laptop. Have a wonderful weekend. Rita T. Dear Rita Good anti-virus programs stop that trojan virus before it enters the computer, however, you may have deliberately download it, and clicked on some field to show you agreed with the terms in their small print. In cases like that, only the biggest Anti-Virus companies can afford getting sued by the company that distributes the Trojan. The name of that virus is apparently a nickname given to it by the maker of your anti-virus program, and not the name that the big ones gave it. That is why you won't find any useful information about it on the web. What do you use for Anti-Virus? Have FUN! DearWebby

A teacher said to her class, "From the outset, I want you all to know there are two words that are absolutely u nacceptable in this classroom. You cannot use them as you recite or on any of your papers, tests or homework. Using the words even once will earn you a failing grade for the quarter. The first one is 'gross' and the other one is 'cool.' Are there any questions?" A student says, "So, what are they?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 0811101@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com DVD Subscription Services - Use It Or Lose It Movie subscription services like Netflix can be a great deal, but only if you use them. Keep track of how many movies you receive from them each month and divide that by the monthly service fee. Makes sure you are actually getting a good deal. Visit ThriftyFun For More Frugal Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Better%20Livi ... _4456.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The Harvard School of Medicine did a study to determine why married women love Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backwards is: Not Now.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Life Iz A Beech
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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