Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  November 25, 2008

Those who agree with us may not be right, 
but we admire their astuteness.
--- Cullen Hightower

Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose.
--- Evan Esar


Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped
him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student: Brotherly love.



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Winston Churchill was visiting another country. The first evening there,
at the state dinner, he pointed to the chicken entree and said, "May I
have some breast?"

The hostess raised her eyebrows and curtly responded, "Mr. Churchill, in
this country we ask for white meat or dark meat."

"My apologies, Madam, I was not aware of your customs."

The following day, a "thank you" gift was delivered to the party's
hostess of a large orchid.  The following was written on the note: "I
would be obliged if you would pin this on your white meat."


New!  YouTube Downloader And Converter Software. 
Grab YouTube and other videos and convert them to wmv and 
many other formats for smooth off-line viewing and even using
them on your iPod, iPhone, or your own web site. Click here to grab it





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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Philip and Tina Sherman in Fayetteville, Arkansas.

Couple sue McDonald's over nude photos
A US couple are suing McDonald's for £2m after nude photos 
of the woman, which were on her husband's mobile phone, 
ended up on the internet.

Phillip Sherman says he accidentally left his phone, with the 
photos, at a McDonald's in Fayetteville, Arkansas, reports the BBC.

He says staff promised to secure the phone until he could retrieve it.
But the Shermans claim they had to move home after the woman's 
name, address, and phone number appeared online along with the 
photos.

Tina Sherman says she began receiving offensive calls and text 
messages about the pictures from her husband's mobile phone 
after he left it at the McDonald's on 5 July.

The couple then discovered that the nude pictures she had sent 
to her husband's phone had been posted online.

The Shermans are suing McDonald's Corporation, the owner 
of the franchise involved and the restaurant's manager, 
saying they have suffered emotional distress, embarrassment 
and damage to their reputations.

McDonald's has so far refused to comment on the case.
They are probably still trying to find an employee who knows
how to upload stuff like that. Yu wanna haf flies wif that?
in Fayetteville, Arkansas,


A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a
drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking
on newcomers. When he left the bar some time later, he
realized that his horse had been stolen.

The cowboy rushed back into the bar, handily flipped his gun
into the air, caught it above his head without even looking,
and then fired a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse!"
he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

"I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back
outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I did
back in Texas. And let me tell you, I don't wanna have to
do what I did back in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly.

The cowboy had another beer, then walked outside to find
his horse was back. So, he saddled up and prepared to ride
out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and said, "Say
partner, what happened in Texas anyway?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home!"


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Moe
Re: Digital Zoom

Dear Webby,
how important is the digital zoom on cameras?
Is it worth considering when choosing a camera?
Moe

Dear Moe
Knowing how much digital zoom a camera has, is exactly
as important to know as the free fall speed of a donut.

Digital zoom uses the center part of the picture, after it 
has been shot, stretches it to full size and fills the gaps
between the pixels with fluff. The picture winds up looking
fuzzy and coarse.

If you want to expand a picture, you can do a much better
job with PSP or Photoshop.

The better cameras let you lock out digital zoom, so that
you will NEVER, not even accidentally, use it.

The only zoom that counts is optical zoom.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


An elderly couple came back from a wedding one afternoon
and were in a pretty romantic mood. While sitting on their
loveseat, the elderly woman looked at her companion and
said, "I remember when you used to kiss me every chance
you had."

The old man feeling a bit obliged leaned over and gave her
a peck on the cheek. Then she said, "I also remember when
you used to hold my hand at every opportunity."

The old man again feeling obligated reached over and gently
placed his hand on hers. The elderly woman then stated,
"I also remember when you used to nibble on my neck and
send chills down my spine."

This time, the old man had a blank stare on his face and
started to get up off the couch. As he began to walk out of
the living room, his wife asked, "Was it something I said,
where are you going?"

The old man looked at her and replied, " I'm going in the
other room to get my teeth!"



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 0811101@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

What to Do with Leftovers
If you have lots of leftovers you may want to freeze them rather
than trying to consume them all before they go bad.  You can do
this with breads, cookies and other baked goods as well as meats
and cheeses.  Also consider sharing some with those whose
families were not with them during the holidays.
Visit ThriftyFun for more Leftover Tips
http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... o_916.html

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
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A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie
popped up out of his ashtray.

"And what will your third wish be?"

The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I begetting a
third wish when I haven't had a first  or second wish yet?"

"You have had two wishes already," the genie said, "but your
second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before
you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because
everything is the way it was before you made any wishes.You now have
one wish left."

"Okay,"  said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck.I've
always wanted to understand women. I'd love to know what's going on
inside their heads."

"Funny," said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever,
"That was your first wish, too!"


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
Hanoverians

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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Dear Webby: AVG Problems 

Monday, November 24, 2008, 03:14 AM

   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  November 24, 2008

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. 
I have erased this line.
--- Oscar Levant

The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who 
hate me away from those who are still undecided.
--- Casey Stengel


One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to
meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance:
leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose.

Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed
their concern. "Dear," said the mother diplomatically, "he
doesn't seem very nice."

"Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice,
why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"



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Little Suzie ran into the house, crying as though her
heart would break. "What's wrong, dear?" asked her
mother.

"My doll! Johnny broke it!" she sobbed.

"How did he break it, Suzie?"

"I hit him over the head with it."





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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Jeffrey Woods, 21, of Huntington Beach CA

Heart patient chases truck
A 63-year-old Suffolk man facing major heart surgery chased 
a lorry across three counties after it clipped his Tudor house.

Wynn Evans, a wood carver, heard an "almighty thud" as one 
of two lorries travelling in convoy struck the overhanging roof 
of his 500-year-old home in Cavendish.

It damaged beams, tiling and a window and sent a chunk of 
wood crashing to the pavement, reports the Daily Telegraph.

The property had been hit by vehicles several times before 
so Mr Evans jumped into his car and began a 20-mile pursuit 
in search of the vehicle's registration number.

He called police frequently on his mobile from his car as he 
followed to update them of his progress. A patrol car 
eventually intercepted an HGV in Linton, Cambs, 30 minutes 
later and the driver was arrested.

"I was making a cup of tea when I heard the bang and saw 
the lorry drive off," he said.

"I was livid. I didn't want to beat anybody up I just wanted 
to make sure somebody paid for the damage because I 
knew what it would cost.

"I knew that if I simply called the police all they would have 
to go on was a vague description of the lorry. So I jumped 
in my car and followed it and called the police as I went."

Mr Evans had spent several hours at Papworth Hospital, 
Cambs, earlier that day, undergoing tests ahead of heart 
bypass surgery.

Mr Evans and his wife Lesley have lived in the listed 
property for two-and-a-half years during which time it 
has been hit four times. Last year a lorry caused 
£10,000 worth of damage in a similar incident.

---------------
After the house has been hit 3 times, somebody less
boneheaded would have put a big, brightly painted rock
at the corner, instead of waiting for the next truck to hit 
the overhang.



Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. Anni
arrived and bet twenty- thousand dollars on a single roll of
the dice.

Anni said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier
when I'm completely nude."

With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and
yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!" Then she hollered..."YES! YES!
I WON! I WON!"

She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers.  She then
picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of
them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know I thought YOU were watching!"

Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Bethel
Re: AVG Problems

Have tried different ways to contact you, but Vista computer 
is causing me problems, so hope this route will work. I've 
had AVG free virus protection for some months now and 
it has worked fine until today. Tried to do a manual update 
and keep getting a message " invalid update control CTF file." 
I have gone on AVG website but because it's a free version,
cannot get much info. Do you know what the problem 
might be? I'm not very computer literate so finding and 
fixing problems is difficult. Any help you could give would 
be very much appreciated.
Bethel

Dear Bethel
I don't use or recommend Vista. Regarding Vista problems
you will have to contact Microsoft, or whatever con artist 
conned you into buying Vista.

Re AVG, it's pretty well the same story. I don't use or 
recommend AVG.

And you are right. They don't have any help for the free 
users. It appears that they let you use it free for a while, 
but then leave you stuck if you don't fork over some cash.

Try un-installing it and get the Avast free anti-virus software 
instead. I don't personally use it, but all subscribers who 
wrote about it, seem to like it.
There is a link to it in my tool box
Just scroll down to the big red A
Have FUN!
DearWebby


Classmates at college were lamenting the cost of
long distance phone service, and debating the
relative advantages of AT&T, MCI, and Sprint.

"I've found CTC to be the cheapest plan around,"
offered one.

"CTC? Who are they?" another asked.

"You know," he responded. "Call Them Collect."



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 0811101@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Shop for Gifts at the Dollar Store
This year when Christmas shopping, consider buying gifts as well
as decorative items from your local dollar store. I went into our
dollar store yesterday and was very pleasantly surprised at the
amount of decorative items as well as gift items available - and
at such a reasonable price!

Visit ThriftyFun For More Christmas Gift Ideas
http://www.thriftyfun.com/Christmas_Gifts_246_265.html

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


One day a co-worker told my friend, Stan, that she was going home early
because she didn't feel well. Since Stan was just getting over something
himself, he wished her well and said he hoped it wasn't something he had
given her.

A fellow worker piped up, "I sure hope not. She has morning sickness."


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
Life Magazine

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Dear Webby: Controlling lights from a computer 

Sunday, November 23, 2008, 02:44 AM

   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  November 23, 2008

The man who reads nothing at all is better educated 
than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
--- Thomas Jefferson

The three big domestic automakers are now saying they are 
working jointly on a new hybrid car. It runs on a combination 
of state and federal bailout money.
--- Jay Leno


My violin teacher was teaching a large group class. She 
showed them her violin and said, "This violin was made 
in the early 1800s."

Someone in the audience raised their hand and asked, 
"Did you got it used?"



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Thanks to Sandie for this report:
In addition to communicating with the local air traffic control facility, 
aircraft are required to give the Iranian Air Defense Radar (military) 
a ten minute 'heads up' that they will be transiting Iranian airspace.  

This is a common procedure for commercial aircraft and involves 
giving them your call sign, transponder code, type aircraft, and 
points of origin and destination.  

I just flew with a guy who overheard this conversation on the 
VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from 
Europe to Dubai . It's too good not to pass along.  
The conversation went something like this...

Iranian Air Defense Radar:  'Unknown aircraft at (location unknown), 
you are in Iranian airspace.  Identify yourself.'

Aircraft:  'This is a United States aircraft.  I am in Iraqi airspace.'

Iranian Air Defense Radar:  'You are in Iranian airspace.  If you do not 
depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'

Aircraft:  'This is a United States FA-18 fighter.  Send 'em up!' 

Iranian Air Defense Radar:  (no response ... total silence) 



Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture:

Old Bats

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Jeffrey Woods, 21, of Huntington Beach CA

Vehicular manslaughter while texting
November 19, 2008

HUNTINGTON BEACH -- A driver who struck and killed a 
14-year-old bicyclist while allegedly texting on his cell phone 
has been indicted for vehicular manslaughter and DUI, 
authorities said.

Investigators say 21-year-old Jeffrey Woods, of Huntington 
Beach, was apparently negotiating a drug deal when he 
allegedly struck and killed Danny Oates at the corner of 
Indianapolis Avenue and Everglades Lane in August 2007.

The Orange County grand jury indicted Woods earlier this 
month for felony vehicular manslaughter with gross 
negligence while intoxicated and felony driving under the 
influence causing bodily injury.

Woods is accused of driving under the influence of Vicodin 
and Xanax, according to a statement the District Attorney's 
Office released Tuesday.

If convicted of all charges, Woods faces 10 years in prison.



When Joe, a nice man married for over 50 years died, his
wife, Myrtle was devastated.

A couple of months later, Myrtle also died. Once in
heaven, Myrtle anxiously looked for Joe.

Suddenly, behind a cloud, she could clearly see him
with another woman.

She ran towards him, calling his name: "Joe. Darling
...Joe"

Joe said: "Hold your horses woman, and don't 'darling'
me. The deal was very clear"..."Until death do us part".


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Alex
Re: controlling lights from the computer

Dear Webby,
You mentioned at one time that it was possible to control
lights from the computer. Can I use that to control Chritmas lights?
How is that done, and how expensive is that?
Alex

Dear Alex
X10 has a computer interface and controller. You can use the
computer to program the controller, and you can also reach
through and directly control stuff from your computer, and
for the last 10 years or so, even over the Internet. 

The controller puts a little coded fuzz onto the regular house 
electricity. Appliace plug-ins that you stick into regular outlets
read that fuzz, and if the code is meant for a particular plug-in,
it toggles on or off. 

If you use an 8 outlet power bar, and plug 8 appliance plug-ins
into it, you can control 8 sets of lights with it. Or 7 sets of
lights and your coffee pot and CD player.

Whatever is plugged into the appliance modules, is turned
on or off by the controller. 
The controller is programmed or over-ridden by the computer.

It is actually quite simple.

The price is nuts and unpredictable because of their specials.
If you subscribe to their fliers, you can get insane bargains.
Earlier this week I ordered I $450 kit for $49. Just lurk until
what you want goes on sale, and then pounce. I have seen
appliance modules as low as $20 for 10 of them.

By the way, X-10 is nothing new. They have been around
since the 1960s. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


One morning as Professor Jones was leaving for the university
his wife told her absent-minded husband, "Don't forget we are
moving today.  If you come to this house this afternoon it will
be empty."

Predictably he didn't remember until he found the house vacated
that afternoon. He mumbled to himself, "And where was it we
were moving to?"

He went out in front of the house and asked a little girl, "Did you
see a moving  van here today, little girl?"

"Yes," she replied.

"Would you know which way it went?"

She looked up at him and said, "Yes, Daddy, I'll show you."



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 0811101@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Cleaning Sap Off Your Hands
When handling evergreens or pine cones, you can remove 
the sticky sap from your hands by scrubbing it with a paste 
made of baking soda and water.

Visit ThriftyFun for more Cleaning Tips

If you don't like tedious scrubbing, you can do what
the loggers do: A quick spray of WD40 and wipe your hands 
on your jeans or a rag. Especially when limbing and tossing 
branches all day, it is important to keep sap off your hands
to avoid blisters due to the sticky spot traction caused by
sap spots. 
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
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Thanks to Annie for this story:
The week I started a new job, my husband was out of town.
On the day he was to return, I thought it would be fun if he
picked me up at work and we could go out to dinner. I left
a note on our dining-room table with my new number and
this message: "For a good time, call 555-1234."

When my husband failed to show up, I took the bus home.
"Where were you?" I asked. "Didn't you get my note?"

"Oh," he replied with a sheepish grin, "I wasn't sure who
wrote it."


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
California Wildfires

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Dear Webby: From Outlook to Open Source to Envelopes 

Saturday, November 22, 2008, 02:33 AM

   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  November 22, 2008

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, 
but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
--- Robert Benchley

The most erroneous stories are those we think we know best - 
and therefore never scrutinize or question.
--- Stephen Jay Gould


Joan, the town gossip and supervisor of the town's morals,
recently accused George, a local man, of being an alcoholic
because she saw his pickup truck parked outside the town's
only bar.

George stared at her for a moment, and said nothing.

Later that evening, he parked his pickup truck in front of her
house and left it there all night.



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A woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her 
Christmas cards.
"What denomination?" Asked the clerk.
"Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman.
"Well, give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic.”



Thanks to Sue for this picture:

On the road again

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Rico Todriquez Wright, 25 of Dublin, GA

Rapper gets 20 years after writing shooting song
DUBLIN, Ga. – He shot a man twice and felt so good about it, 
police said, a rapper wrote a song describing the shooting 
and calling out the victim by name. A judge sentenced 
25-year-old Rico Todriquez Wright Monday to spend the next 
20 years in prison after his victim mentioned the hip hop 
confession to police.

Chad Blue, 28, told police he had known Wright before the 
September 2006 shooting, but that the men weren't friendly. 
He testified companions egged Wright on as he chased and 
shot his victim in the thigh and groin.

Later, Blue told police he recognized Wright's voice on a CD, 
rapping "Chad Blue knows how I shoot."

Wright was sentenced to 20 years for two counts of aggravated 
assault. He will spend another 20 years on probation.

Information from: The Courier Herald, http://www.courier-herald.com



"Daddy, where did I come from?" the seven-year-old asked.

It was a moment for which her parents had carefully
prepared. They took her into the living room, got out the
encyclopedia and several other books, and explained all
they thought she should know about sexual attraction,
affection, love, and reproduction. Then they both sat back
and smiled contentedly.

"Does that answer your question?' her father asked.

"Not really," the little girl said. "Judy said she came
from Detroit. I want to know where I came from."


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Jan
Re: Printng Envelopes

Dear Webby,
My address book is on Outlook (I know, but I started the 
book in the early 1990's and have a lot of data input time 
invested) and I have moved it to my new computer running 
Vista (I know bad twice) and now MS Word freezes up when 
I try to address an envelope using the address book.  
It was problematic on my old XP machine and crashed word 
regularly if I updated or added to the address book, but it's 
useless now.  I publish the monthly newsletter for our 
Non-Profit organization and address about 170 envelopes 
a month for the mailing.  I just finished addressing them, 
so I have a 30-day break before the next mailing.  It's 
cheaper for the organization if I address the envelopes 
rather than use labels since my time is donated.
 
Can you recommend software that will run on Vista and 
can just pull an address from its data base and print a 
freaking address on an envelope?  'Cause my $300 
Vista operating system and $300 MS Office 2007 
"Professional" can't seem to get the job done.  It would 
be good if the software can import the Outlook .wab file, 
but I also have the mailing list in a MS Word document, 
and at this point would even be willing to type each address 
by hand into the database if I only had to do it once.
 
Thank you Webby,
Paul 

Dear Paul
Industry and commerce nowadays use Open Office. 
You can get it free from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools
Open Office is platform independent, and doesn't care 
whether you handicap yourself with Vista or not.

Here is a tutorial for exporting Outlook addresses into the 
Open Office database 

Here is one about Printing Envelopes in Open Office

Once you have the addresses in your database, you can use 
them in any Open Office program, not just in WRITE, but even 
in the spreadsheet for making fancy executive style graphs.

Regarding labels versus envelopes:
I found that envelopes age a printer a lot faster than labels do, 
and in the long run, labels are cheaper for me than printers.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A missionary visited a small village in a remote jungle
and began preaching the gospel.

"Jesus saves!" exclaimed the missionalry. "Bawana!"
shouted the natives.
 
"Ye must be baptized!" exclaimed the missionary. "Bawana!"
shouted the natives

"Donate tithes and offerings!" exclaimed the missionary.
"Bawana!" shouted the natives.

Having had such a successful time, the missionary inquired
of the chief as to how he could go to the next village, to
share the gospel with them too.

The chief replied, "You go down road one thousand paces,
you turn right, climb over wall made of rocks, run across
field. Many bulls in field,
you run fast, but be careful not step in bawana."



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 0811101@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Save Money With LED Christmas Lights
They aren't quite as bright as other lights, but LED Christmas
lights will save you a bundle on your energy bill.  They cost as
much as 90% less to operate.  LED lights also produce almost no
heat, which reduces the risk of fire.

Visit ThriftyFun For More Christmas Decorating Tips
http://www.thriftyfun.com/Christmas_Dec ... 6_255.html

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


The impish girl turned on the tractor and pushed the
outhouse into the creek. Later, her father told her the
story of George Washington chopping down his father's
cherry tree but wasn't spanked because he had told the truth.

The girl proudly announced, "I cannot tell a lie. I pushed
the outhouse into the creek." He told her to bend over and
the shocked child protested that George Washington had not
been punished. The father replied, "Well, George's father
wasn't IN the cherry tree when it got chopped down!"


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
Celebrity Houses

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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Dear Webby: How to "import sites list" 

Friday, November 21, 2008, 02:27 AM

   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  November 20, 2008
Today is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

I base my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
--- Gilda Radner

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
--- Benjamin Disraeli

"Dad" asked , "could
you help me with my math homework?"

"Certainly not," he replied indignantly.
"It wouldn't be right."

"Maybe not," said , 
"but you could at least try!"



Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked.

Not long after his marriage, David and his dad, Jon,
met for lunch.
"How's married life treating you, son?" Jon asked.

"Not good, Pop.  It seems like I've married a nun."

"A nun?  What are you talking about?"

"A nun.  As in 'nun' in the morning, 'nun' at night, and
flat 'nun' at all unless I beg."

"Ah.  I see.  Well, look, David, why don't you and your
wife come on by for supper tonight and we'll have a nice
talk about it."

David smiled and said, "Thanks, Dad.  That's a great idea."

"Good," Jon said, "I'll just call home and tell the Mother
Superior to set two extra plates."



Thanks to Bernd for sending this picture:


If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Emmanuelle Rodriguez, 19,  in Port St. Lucie, Fla.

Man accused of battery by sandwich
PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. (UPI) -- Police in Port St. Lucie, Fla., 
say a man was arrested after allegedly striking his girlfriend 
with a sandwich while she was driving.

The police report of the incident alleges the 19-year-old 
victim picked up Emmanuelle Rodriguez, 19, from his mother's 
home Friday and began driving to their new apartment in Fort Pierce, 
Fla., while their 7-month-old son slept in the back seat of the 
vehicle, TCPalm.com reported Tuesday.

The report said the victim claims Rodriguez became angry 
during the ride and "started to hit her in the arm and striking 
her in the face with a sandwich, knocking her glasses off 
her face."

Rodriguez admitted arguing with his girlfriend and was quoted 
in the report as telling officers that he "didn't want to 
hit her so he threw a sandwich at her, striking her in the face
 (and) knocking her glasses off."

Police said Rodriguez was charged with domestic battery 
and child abuse. He was released from the St. Lucie County 
jail Saturday after posting $7,500 bail. 



Patient: Doctor, what I need is something
to stir me up; something to put me in a
fighting mood. Can you put something like
that in this prescription?

Doctor: No need for that. You will find that
in your bill.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Jan
Re: Site File

Dear Webby,
The screen says I have a WJVeiw ERROR
Could not execute the main.
System cannot fine file specified
Internal error sites file is missing or corrupted
To correct this error,import a new site file.
I hope this helps you ,it is the only information I have .
Thanks 
Jan

Dear Jan
"Sites File" is part of your anti virus program.

It looks like some virus knocked over your anti virus program
and destroyed the "Sites File" in it. That is it's list of bad sites.

If you want to stick with an anti-virus program, that gets 
knocked out so easily, contact their support and ask them 
for a new sites file.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


An employee approached his boss and asked for a raise.
"Well" began the head man, "business is bad now, Frank
and I just can't afford to give you a raise."

"But I'm doing the three men's work and I always have..."
retorted Frank.

"Three men's work?" exploded the boss. "Tell me who the
other two are, and I'll fire them!"



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 0811101@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Thickening Gravy
If your gravy is too runny and thin, mix equal parts flour and
cornstarch together and sprinkle it into gravy to thicken it.
Sprinkle it in a little at a time and stir, it should thicken up
in no time. A large salt shaker is good for this.
Visit ThriftyFun for more Cooking Tips by clicking here


Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Thanks to Linda for this story:
At our adult Sunday-school class, the teacher asked us to
think of everyday ways in which we could practice our
religion. The topic of driving courtesy came up first.
"How do you respond to the driver who rudely cuts you off?"
the teacher asked.

A woman piped up, "Smash her other fender too?"


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
Sunshine Coast

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter


Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Dear Webby: Graphics Monitor 

Thursday, November 20, 2008, 02:30 AM

   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  November 20, 2008
Tomorrow is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and 
then quietly strangled.
--- Sir Barnett Cocks

The purpose of life is to fight maturity.
--- Dick Werthimer


Doc," said the young man lying down on the couch, "You've got to help
me!  Every night I have the same horrible dream.   I'm lying in bed
when all of a sudden five drop dead gorgeous women rush in and start
tearing off my clothes."

The psychiatrist nodded, "And what do you do?"

"I push them away!"

"I see.  And what can I do to help you with this?"

The patient implored, "Please, Break my arms!"



Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked.

While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group
of medical students. "As you can see," she says, "the patient
limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched.
Michael, what would you do in a case like this?"

"Well," ponders the student, "I suppose I'd limp too."



Thanks to Bernd for sending this picture:


If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to an 81 year old woman in Liverpool, England

Woman, 81, suspect in soccer star burglary

LIVERPOOL, England (UPI) -- An 81-year-old woman was among 
five suspects arrested on charges of stealing an Olympic medal 
and other valuables from an English soccer star.

The woman and four other people -- ranging in age from 
19 to 45 -- were taken into custody Thursday night in raids 
on three houses in Liverpool, the Liverpool Echo reported. 
All were being held on suspicion of burglary.

Police said a bronze medal from the Beijing Olympics 
was recovered. Liverpool midfielder Lucas Leiva's home 
was robbed while the team was playing Athletico Madrid 
in England last week.

Investigators said a large quantity of suspected stolen 
goods was seized from the three houses. 



Thanks to Connie for this:
If you're a bear, you get to hibernate.
You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal
with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid.
I could deal with that, too.

If you're a female bear, you birth your children (who are the
size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially
grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You
swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line,
you swat them, too. I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling.
He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

 ... I wanna be a bear.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Corona
Re: Monitor

Dear Webby,
have proper monitors become extinct?
All I can see is the wide yuppie monitors with pathetic
resolution. They have a slimy gloss on them and the
dummies get fooled into believing that they have high 
resolution. However, the wide LCD monitors are simply 
not good enough for real graphics work.

I know you do pretty nice graphics work. Where do you
get monitors from these days?
Corona

Dear Corona
The same happened here too. The stores just stock the
overpriced wide LCD monitors for dummies. For decent
monitors you have to shop on-line, but even there it is
becoming difficult to find 20" or larger high resolution
monitors, even in High Tech countries like China. The
art of making big monitors seems to have been lost.

You can use Pricegrabber.com to locate companies
that still have old stock and refurbs. Here are some specs 
to keep in mind if you want a decent monitor:
Dot pitch has to be 0.25 mm (.19") maximum
Resolution: 1600 x 1200 minimum.

If you can't find one on http://www.pricegrabber.com,
you may have to slum down to an LCD monitor. Some are
getting almost as good as the old fashioned CRT monitors.
Dell's 2007FP for about $500 just barely qualifies as a 
graphics monitor. However, they don't stock it, and expect
you to wait 3+ weeks before they ship it.  

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you
think he's really attractive, is it all right to come out directly and
ask him if he's married?
A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 0811101@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Washing and Storing Fine China
Be sure to hand wash your nice fine china to keep each piece nice
as long as possible. Put paper plates between plates when
stacking them to prevent chipping and scratches.

Visit ThriftyFun for more Cleaning Tips
http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_296.html
Fill your dish with water first. That way, if you
drop a piece, it will not klunk down to the bottom of the sink
or onto other pieces, but land gently in the water.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Man:Just look at that young person with the short hair and
blue jeans.
Is it a boy or a girl?
Bystander: It's a girl; she's my daughter.
Man: Oh, please forgive me sir. I had no idea you were
her father!

Bystander: I'm not. I'm her mother.


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
American Art & History, New England Style

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter


Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Dear Webby: Wireless mouse problem 

Wednesday, November 19, 2008, 02:58 AM

   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  November 19, 2008

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
--- Vince Lombardi

So this is how liberty dies. With thunderous applause.
--- George Lucas


Thanks to Dianne for this story:
Fred was well known for his cheapness and his "eye for a bargain." 
One day he was looking for a cheap wedding present for his niece, 
so he went into a thrift shop.

As he was walking around, he noticed what was previously an 
expensive glass crystal vase lying in the corner. It was in three 
pieces. After some haggling with the owner, Fred bought the 
broken vase for $5. He then filled in the congratulations card, 
wrote out his niece's name and address and gave the owner 
another $5 so that the broken vase could be gift wrapped and 
mailed. Fred then left the shop feeling quite pleased with himself. 
He expected his niece to think the vase had been broken in the 
mail.

A few days later, he called his niece to see if the present 
had arrived. "Yes, Uncle Fred, but unfortunately it was in 3 
pieces when it was delivered."

"What terrible luck!" said Fred. "The Post Office is getting 
worse all the time!"

"It is a shame," she replied, "and it was so beautifully 
wrapped too...each piece separately."



Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked.

From Jersey Devil:
-------------------------
HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY
Please pass this on this holiday season.
 
When mailing your Christmas cards this year,  take one card 
and send it to this address.  If we pass this on and everyone 
sends one card,  think of how many cards these wonderful 
special people who have sacrificed so much would get.
 
When you are making out your Christmas card list this year, 
please include the following:
 
        A Recovering American Soldier
        c/o Walter Reed Army Medical  Center
        6900 Georgia Avenue,NW
        Washington,D.C. 20307-5001 
-------------------------
Jersey Devil

Please keep in mind that these recovering wounded soldiers
are not politicians promising the impossible to con you into
voting for them. These people have risked their lives on your
behalf, and are suffering the cost of doing that.

If you have more cards, than people who deserve them, send
them to the soldiers! The do deserve them!
DearWebby



Thanks to Joan for this picture:


If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Justin Luecke, 28, in Sheboygan, Wis

Too dopey to call police
Man reports burglary, busted for drugs
SHEBOYGAN, Wis. (UPI) -- Police in Sheboygan, Wis., say a 
man reported a burglary only to be arrested when officers 
found drugs and paraphernalia at his home.

Investigators said officers responding to a burglary report 
filed by Justin Luecke, 28, spotted a marijuana pipe in 
Luecke's bedroom and marijuana stems and seeds in his 
living room, the Sheboygan Press reported Wednesday.

Officers returned to Luecke's home later in the day with a 
search warrant and found marijuana, marijuana packaging, 
a scale and two varieties of unauthorized prescription pills, 
the arrest report said.

Luecke, who told police the pipe belonged to a friend and 
denied any knowledge of the stems and seeds, was charged 
with felony marijuana possession and misdemeanor counts 
alleging possession of a controlled substance, an illegally 
obtained prescription and drug paraphernalia.

He could face a maximum 26 months imprisonment if 
convicted on all charges. 



Her minister told an eighty-year-old woman
that, at her age, she should be giving some
thought to what he called “the hereafter.”

She said to him, “I think about it many
times a day.”

“Oh, really?” said the minister. “That is
very wise.”

“It’s not a matter of wisdom,” she replied.
“It’s when I open a drawer or a closet,
I ask myself, ‘What am I here after?’”


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Frank
Re: Wireless Mouse

Dear Webby,
I've been using a wireless mouse for a few years and love it.
However, in the past few days the mouse has a mind of its own.
It stalls mid page, is erratic and sometimes unresponsive.  Of
course I've replaced the batteries with more than one set (2AA)
and I've reset the receiver / mouse a few times.
Does the mouse die a natural death after a period of time?  Is
something else happening?
If I have to get a new one please provide recommendation 
regarding new wireless mouse.

Thanks
Frank

Der Frank
If the mouse buttons are OK, then the wireless part is OK.
Check the glider feet of the mouse. Chances are that they have 
accumulated some dirt. You can usually scrape the worst of it off,
and then polish them by running the mouse roughly over some 
scrap paper. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby



The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife 
looked back and turned into a pillar of salt.

Little Jimmy interrupted. "My mommy looked back once 
while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, 
"and she turned into a telephone pole!"



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 0811101@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Whipping Cream
You can whip cream faster by chilling the bowl and beaters in the
fridge before whipping. A few drops of lemon juice will help the
cream stiffen.

Visit ThriftyFun for more Cooking Tips by clicking here
http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... 6_930.html

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Thanks to Sandie for this one:

I was shopping for art supplies at my friend's craft store. 
As she was checking me out, my friend asked, 
"Have you gotten thinner?"

Flattered, I replied, "Why, yes. I've been on this diet for 
a couple of weeks now and I've lost a few pounds."

My friend rolled her eyes and said, "I meant paint thinner."


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
Greenland

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter


Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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