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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  December 5, 2008
Today is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

Not every story has explosions and car chases. That's why they have nudity and espionage. --- Bill Barnes If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity. --- Bill Vaughan
Thanks to Sandie for this one: CALMNESS IN OUR LIVES: I am passing this on to you because it definitely works and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace. Dr Phil proclaimed, 'The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished.' So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a bottle of Kailua , a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now.
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A friend of mine was telling me about his never-ending divorce. "Didn't the judge split everything fairly when she granted you guys a divorce?", I asked "Well, she thinks so. She got to keep the house, the car, the furniture, and our bank accounts. I got to keep everything I was wearing."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Timothy Havens, 38, of Springfield, Ohio Sent in by Eric Incompetent hunter ? SPRINGFIELD, Ohio -- A Tri-State woman is in critical condition Wednesday after police say her husband shot her while they were having sex. Timothy Havens, 38, told Springfield police he was reaching for something on the nightstand when the pistol went off, hitting his estranged wife Carolyn in the upper chest. Carolyn Havens, 42, is being treated at Miami Valley Hospital in Dayton. This is isn't the first time there's been trouble for the Havens. Court documents showed Timothy served 60 days in jail for assaulting his wife and was ordered to go to anger management classes. His arrest Tuesday for the weekend shooting was for violating a civil protection order that Carolyn had taken out against him earlier this year. Bond was set at $75,000 after prosecutors asked for a high bond, "due to alleged prohibited contact between the parties and the suspicious nature of the circumstances surrounding her injury."
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a very special wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Virginia Re: Zoom not working for print Dear Webby; When I changed to larger print on this letter and two others tonight, instead of getting the one I was printing the previous one presented itself. I don't know if I worded that correctly , I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. So in order to print it I had to return to the smaller print. What did I do wrong? Thanks for your help, Virginia. Dear Virginia CTRL-Scrollwheel only changes what the monitor shows, like a magnifying glass. It does not edit the page. The printer prints the page as you received it. If you want to print just part of it, for example a tech tip or a joke, highlight that, and hit CTRL P to Print, then checkmark "Selection Only" Have FUN! DearWebby

Planning a Christmas weekend of entertaining guests, I made a list of things I needed to do, including taking food out of the freezer and grocery shopping. As it happened, a friend whom I had been promising to take to lunch asked if we could make it that Friday. So, hopping into the car, I taped my "to do" list to the dashboard and went and picked her up. As she settled into the car, her face dropped. "Thanks a lot!" she sulked. Then I glanced at my list and saw the first item: "Take out the Turkey."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Uses for Socks Here are some uses for unmatched socks. Make a sock puppet with some sewn on buttons for eyes. Put a sock on your hand and use it as a dust rag. Slip a sock over a yard stick and secure it with a rubber band and to clean under your fridge. Save them for the winter when you need to wear two pairs. Visit ThriftyFun for more Brainstorms by clicking here Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

I was showing a house for sale to a prospective couple, "This house," I said, "has both its good points and its bad points. To show you that I'm honest, I'm going to tell you about both. The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant about a block south and a slaughterhouse a block north." "What are the advantages?" inquired the suspicious couple. "Well ... errrr ... ahhh ... the great advantage that you will have living here is that you'll always be able to tell which way the wind is blowing."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Science Video Vault
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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