Dear Webby:  

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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  December 24, 2008

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. --- Oscar Wilde
Q: What's the difference between a lawnmower and a bagpipe? A: Lawnmowers can be tuned.
Heirloom book of Christmas Stories All the stories your grandmother knew. Put the eBook onto a CD and add your family pictures for a truly memorable and useful Christmas gift.
A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."
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Redneck Christmas Tree
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the jail in Nashville, Tennessee. Wrong inmate released from Tennessee jail NASHVILLE (UPI) -- A burglary suspect walked out of a Tennessee jail posing as another man with a similar name who had been ordered released on his own recognizance. Kenneth Anderson, 46, got past four security checkpoints Wednesday morning, The Nashville Tennessean reported. The other inmate, Kennus Anderson, was freed once jail employees realized the mistake. Montgomery County Sheriff Norman Lewis described Anderson, a Nashville resident, as a "frequent flier" at the jail. He had been arrested at least 14 times in the past four years and had been held since Christmas Eve 2007 because he was unable to post $10,000 bail. Lewis said he does not believe Anderson is dangerous. Capt. Doug Tackett, the jail supervisor, said each inmate has a wristband with a photo, name and identification number. The information on the wristband is supposed to be checked at least four times during a release. "They even issued him his own personal property before they released him. They should have caught it then, too," Tackett said.
A three year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left shoe was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up with a puzzled look and said, "Mom, these are MY feet!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jean Re: Foam on microphone Dear Webby I had always been wondering what the foam blob on my head set microphone was about. A few days ago my doggie chewed it off, and since then everybody has asked me if I got new teeth. What's the story, and will any other foam work? Jean Dear Jean The foam accomplishes the same thing as an expensive electronic "spit filter", it takes the excessive hiss and pop off the T's, TH's, P's and S's, and makes a cheap mike sound as good as an expensive one. The good news is that any open cell foam will work. Open cell means you can blow through it. The foam chips used in pillows work fine. Poke a hole into one, stick the microphone into it and try it. You can trim the foam chip with scissors to make it look better and also to sculpt the sound. Usually you want more damping on the side away from you, to cut the background noise, but for meetings you want the opposite, so you dampen your voice the most, and the voices farther away the least. For a softer voice, wash the foam together with clothes a few times. For a crisp command voice, spray it with varnish, spray-on starch or canvas sizing. Have FUN! DearWebby

After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse, put the green mud-pack on her face, the teeth-whitening cartridge in her mouth and proceeded to wash her hair and stick curlers into it. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel over her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that monfter ?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Baking Soda in Your Clothes Hamper Pour a little baking soda into the bottom of your hamper to help keep your dirty clothes smelling fresh. You can even keep a shaker with baking soda in it near your hamper to shake on top of your clothes when needed. A used and cleaned out Parmesan cheese container works great. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

Jimmie and Johnnie were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the younger one began praying at the top of his lungs, "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE. I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO. I PRAY FOR A NEW ..." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "I know, but Gramma is!"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Christmas" target="_blank" > ... ;Christmas TV Vegetation
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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