Dear Webby: CD Drive Cleaner 

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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  January 3, 2009

The soul attracts that which it secretly harbors; that which it loves, and also that which it fears. --- James Allen
Bob went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under ... you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Bob. Six months later the doctor met Bob on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred buck's a visit? Three times a week for two years ? I may be crazy but I am not stupid. A bartender cured me for ten dollars." "Is that so! And just how, if I may ask?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"
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You're getting old when... The mail lady gets you so excited that your pacemaker opens the garage door across the street.
Jill walked up to an airport ticket counter and asked to buy a round trip ticket. "Where to?" Asked the smiling ticket agent. Jill rolled her eyes and said, "Duuuuuh, back here!"
Thanks to Joan for forwarding this picture: This delightful circle was taken at Lamington national park, west of the Gold Coast. These are native Australian mountain parrots, the red and blue kind are crimson rosella and the red and green are King Parrots. They are feasting on sunflower seed which Mr. Watt had left for them, but did not expect them to form such a perfect ring. This guy on the bottom is about to jump into the centre, to the discontent of the other birds.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 33 year old man in Vastervik, Sweden Man burned trying to impress girlfriend VASTERVIK, Sweden (UPI) -- A 33-year-old Swedish man suffered serious injuries when he poured gasoline on his arm and set it on fire as a party trick, police said. Authorities in Vastervik, Sweden, said the man apparently was trying to impress his girlfriend, the Local reported. "It obviously didn't go well. He burned his arm and other parts of his body and was in a state of shock," said police spokesman Reine Johansson. "Don't ask me what the point of the trick was supposed to be." The man, who faces charges of endangering the public, was hospitalized in the burn unit of Linkoping University Hospital.
After receiving his medication from the pharmacist, the customer asked, "Are these time release pills?" The pharmacist replied, "Yes. They begin to work just as soon as your check clears!"
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eddie Re: CD / DVD drive cleaners Hey Mr. Webby; Well I do not know if I am the first one to ask you a question about "DVD/CD Burners" or anything computer related for this new year..... So here we go..... Is there away that I can test/clean such a drive without buying one of those crazy discs that they sell at the store? Eddie Hi Eddie Since those cleaning disks are cheaper than a replacement drive, they are probably worth the gamble. However, I have never used one of them. Have FUN! DearWebby
The boss went up to the bartender and asked, "Have you been fooling around with the waitress?!" "Oh no, sir, I sure haven't" replied the bartender. The boss replied, "Good, then YOU fire her!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Longer Life for Your Carpet - Snip Loose Threads To remove a loose thread that sticks up above the fiber, use scissors to snip it instead of pulling on it which can pull out more than just the thread. Loose threads are easy to catch in the vacuum, creating an even bigger problem. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

Robert, age eight, was the son of strict Presbyterian parents. He was very, very good, worked hard at school, did his chores, and was generally helpful and obedient. But one morning, for some reason, he came down to breakfast in a very nasty mood. When his mother served him prunes, he snarled, "I don't want prunes," and he refused to eat them. His parents were aghast, and his father said, "Robert, you know that Lord commanded children to honor and obey their parents, and He will punish those who do not." But Robert still refused and was angrily sent back to bed, and the prunes were put in the refrigerator. A few minutes later, a terrible thunderstorm came up with great roars of thunder and flashes of lightning. "Ah, wonderful," said Robert's mother, "this will teach him a lesson." To their great surprise though, Robert came to the top of the stairs and called down: "Sounds like God doesn't want you to make such a fuss about some silly prunes!"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Rose Parade
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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