Dear Webby: Parental Controls 

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It's Saturday,  January 31, 2009

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. Mahatma Gandhi
Morris complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis." The doctor got rather upset that his word was doubted and yelled: "You just wait until the autopsy, then you will see that I was right."
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On vacation one year Joe went to a resort in Wyoming. As part of the usual activities, a neighboring ranch invited guests from the resort to participate in a cattle drive. After watching 20 make-believe cowpokes whooping and hollering, Joe rode up to the ranch-owner and asked her how many cowboys it normally takes to drive a herd of that size. "One," she replied, "and yappy dog. It's the noise that'll get the cattle to move."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Annis Dodds, in Slough, Berkshire, England Lost car found in overgrown garden Council workers called out to clear an overgrown garden were amazed to find an old Ford Escort under the weeds. Shrubs had grown over the car in its neglected resting place, in Slough, Berkshire, reports the Daily Mirror. Sarah Hines-Randall, who led the council clean-up team, said: "We were astonished at the amount of vegetation but even more so to find an Escort rusting in the undergrowth." Neighbours had moaned about the rats living in the back garden but householder Annis Dodds ignored a legal order to cut it back. A neighbour said she was not surprised the 30-year-old car was found. She said: "The garden was horrendous and completely full of rubbish. I can only hope it is kept tidy now." Mrs Dodds was fined 500 and ordered to pay 1,000 costs to Slough council.
A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but was meeting with considerable sales resistance. "Shucks, I'd sooner spend my money on a cow," said the farmer. "Ah," replied the salesman, "but think how silly you'd look riding around on a cow." "Humph!" retorted the farmer. "Not near as silly as you would look trying to milk a bicycle to make the grocery money!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Helen Re: Parental controls Dear Webby First I would like to thank you for your letter. I miss it alot when I go away.My question is,is there a way to set up my comp. so my young grand sons cant get in to porn sites I tried to do it through tools and then content but all they have to do is click cancal and it will still go there. Thank You very much Helen Dear Helen There ARE programs that theoretically work for that. The problem is, you would probably have to ask him to help you set it up, and he probably knows a dozen ways to defeat the parental controls. Kids brag about their skills in that to each other and trade tricks. About the only trick that works is to put the modem into your purse when you go away. Have FUN! Dear Webby
An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what's wrong with me." "Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor, "Do you drink much?" "Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaler. Never touch a drop." "How about smoking?" asked the doctor. "Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it." "Well, uh." asked the doctor, "do you have much sex life?" "Oh, no," said the man. "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by 9:30 every night and I always have been." The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked, "Do you have pains in your head?" "Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head." "O.K.," said the doctor. "That's your trouble. Your halo is on too tight!!

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In the dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights. Dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets. Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most frequent target was the resident assistant. Approaching his room one afternoon, he noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door's edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he thought, 'Those crazy guys actually thought they could fool me with that old gag!' It was then he realized that "those crazy guys" had removed the drainpipe beneath the sink and turned the "U" shaped part of it to point just below his waistline.
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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