Dear Webby: Speed Up program 

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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  February 1, 2009

When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other. --- Eric Hoffer
Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan , was being interviewed by a French journalist and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' or is it 'Are you the one who killed my brother?' " Nugent replied, "I don't believe deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, 'What am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the French." The interview ended at that point.

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Firemen in Syke, Germany World's worst firemen? Bungling German firemen have been branded the worst in the world after their own fire station burned to the ground, the second time All six fire engines perished in the $5 million blaze in Syke and it took 250 firemen from nearby towns to finally bring the inferno under control. Investigators believe the fire fighters could have triggered the blaze themselves in a training exercise accident or that faulty wiring was to blame. The weekend blaze was the second time the brigade has lost all its engines in a fire. The station was rebuilt in 1994 after being gutted by a fire. "A fire service that can?t even keep its own fire station and engines safe doesn't exactly inspire confidence," raged one local.
After a spring break, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent the holidays. One child wrote the following: "We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona. Now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed, because it is all right now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts. My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night, "Early Birds". Some of the people can't get past the man in the doll house to go out. So the ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck. My Grandma says Grandpa's worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded some day too.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Shirley Re: Speed up program Dear Webby, Love your letter and the computer tips. I was told today that to make a slow computer run faster to go to What do you think of this? You know all about the computer and glad there is someone who tells it like it is. Shirley Dear Shirley I would not touch that with a 10 foot pole. If you want your computer to go fast, format it and get rid of crap like that. Remember how fast it was running on day one, before you got all kinds of wacky stuff like that? After formatting, it will be again just as fast. Second best way to speed up a machine is to un-install all those speeder-upper and optimizer utilities, un-install all programs that you no longer use run Crap Cleaner run a GOOD defragmenter like Diskeeper (don't waste time with the Windows built in defrag program and similar freebies) After that, it will run nearly as fast as if you had formatted it and made a fresh install of Windows. Have FUN! Dear Webby
An old man on his deathbed implored his wife, "When I am gone I want you to marry Fred." "Why Fred?" his wife asked. "You have hated him all of your life!" "Still do," gasped the old man.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Protecting Wood When Removing a Nail Put an old plastic spatula under the head of the hammer when trying to remove a nail. It protects the wood or wall and is easy to find in your toolbox. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

Rosita got lost in her car in a snowstorm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got lost in a snowstorm, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot now, but you can follow me over to K-Mart"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Thai Flowers
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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