Good Morning, ! It's Thursday, February 5, 2009
Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow. --- Oscar Wilde The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid. --- Art Spander
A guy who went to New York, jumped into a cab and asked "How do you get to Carnigie Hall?" The cabbie said "practice, practice, practice!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults
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What's so special about this pictrue? Day before yesterday when I Skyped my dad while he had breakfast in his wintergarden, he was all excited about "The Flash". Three times a year the window on the restaurant on the "High Chest", the mountain about 30 miles West from him, across the border in Switzerland, reflects the rising sun directly into his wintergarden, like a Million Watt spotlight. On the first of the three days it does that, it is for 4 - 5 seconds, on the second day for about 20 seconds, and on the third day again for 4 - 5 seconds. As you can see, he is still in the dark before sunrise, but the mountains across the border are already in sunlight. So he got the camera ready for yesterday morning, and when "The Flash" happened, he snapped a few pictures. The cut-out is original size, pasted into the picture that I shrunk for the Humor Letter, and you can see ow much brighter the Flash is than the sunlit snow.
How does Ruth like being pregnant?" Danny asked his friend Ryan. "Oh, she's not pregnant," Ryan replied, "she's expecting." "What's the difference?" Danny pressed. "Well, Ryan explained, "When I come home from work, she's expecting me to cook dinner, she's expecting me to do the housework, she's expecting me to rub her feet .If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shaun Rimmer, 25, Wakefield, England Picture of distinctive pants led to burglar's arrest WAKEFIELD, England (UPI) -- English police said they nabbed a burglar after a teenage photography student snapped a picture of the fleeing man's distinctive pants. Shaun Rimmer, 25, was sentenced to four years in jail after he admitted to a string of car thefts and burglaries, including the incident during the summer that led to his arrest, The Daily Mail reported Monday. Police said quick-thinking photography student Josh Kellett, 17, was able to snap a photo of Rimmer's distinctive out-of-style track pants while the burglar was scaling a fence to escape from his neighbor's Wakefield yard. Police arrived and arrested Rimmer during a search of the neighborhood using Kellett's picture to identify the culprit's pants. Rimmer's accomplice, Anthony Booth, 31, is due to be sentenced later this month. A Leeds Crown Court judge awarded Kellett $214 for his contribution to the burglar's capture.
Guy goes to the Patents Office with some designs. He tells the clerk "I'd like to register my new invention, a folding bottle". Clerk: "Oh yes, what do you call it?" Inventor: "A fottle." Clerk: "That's a silly name, can you think of something else?" Inventor: "I'll think about it. I've got something else here, a folding carton." Clerk: "And what do you call that?" Inventor: "A farton." Clerk: "That's rude, you can't possibly use that name." Inventor: "Gee, you're probably not going to be like my folding bucket either!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Pris Re: SP3 blocker to expire? Dr.Webby I believe everything I read from you but I am a fairly new subscriber. Do I have to install all the stuff from Microsoft? I mean come on everyday or so they are putting all kinds of stuff on for me to download or they are installing something. Ever since this started my computer is getting slower every day. Thanks very much, Mary Dear Mary Microsoft bug fixes are normally just on the second Tuesday every month. If you see more update requests acting like they were from Microsoft, then they are phony. McAfee and other anti-virus companies update their virus detection lists more frequently, sometimes more than once a day, if new viruses come out. However, they don't pretend to be from Microsoft and tell you that it is a McAfee update, and they don't disrupt your work. If you get daily update requests pretending to be from Microsoft, then either a big update did not get completed because of a poor or slow connection, or it is phony. Run a GOOD anti-virus program like McAfee, and an Anti-Spyware program like Spybot-Search&Destroy, to see if your computer has been infected and is under control of somebody else. Have FUN! Dear Webby
Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year. That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position. Hopkins wrote, "The climate didn't agree with me."
The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at email@example.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Table Salt for Car Windows If you sprinkle table salt on your windshield, it will defrost faster and make stubborn ice easier to scrape off. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Two Cajun commercial fishermen, Boudreaux & Thibodeaux, went out in the Gulf fishing. They were gone a couple of months. On their return, they noticed a Taco Bell had been built while they were away. Boudreaux turns to Thibodeaux and says "Sacri Bleu! Look it dat! You run over a fone pole an it takes 9 mons ta get Southern Bell ta put in a new pole an fix da fone. We go fish a bit, an dem Mexicans done come over here an build a whole telifone company!"Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Funny Baby PixARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blogIf you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!Webby.com
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